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This Just In: Dog Bites Man!

Doug:
Every day I wake up and thank my lucky stahs that I'm so privileged to reside in a city with such robust and intelligent sports coverage …

 

Doug:
I mean where, tell me where else, could one find the incisive reportage like this from Massarotti: "what the Sox term 'fair' and 'comprehensive' might not necessarily be so to Boras, who has at least as much (or more) influence on the negotiation as they do."?

 

Doug:
Jeez, Tones, ya think?

 

Bill:
Yeah, I fully expect to open the metro section now and find this story …

Yesterday in Methuen, a local man entered a cah dealahship and offered less than the stickah price of a 2006 vehicle. Although the local man indicated he wished to not comment publicly about the negotiations, he did say he felt the offer to be "fair."

 

Bill:
Howevah, the dealah released a statement saying that because the vehicle in question featured, among other things, rich, Corinthian leathah, that there is no way imaginable he could sell the car for anything less than $1000 ovah the stickah price. Moreover, the dealah implied that if the man didn't want to purchase a car, he wouldn't have stepped on the lot and that the initial offer was "insulting."

As of late afternoon, no deal had been struck but a source speaking on background indicated there was reason for hope as the dealah is alleged to have said he'd "speak with his managah" to see "what he could do."

 

Doug:
Yeah, this bid low, sell high theory is just so arcane and complex that my brain hurts just thinking about it.

 

Bill:
Speaking of low-bidding, did you see the Yanks won the bidding for Kei Igawa

 

Doug:
Yeah, and have I mentioned yet how sweet it is to see the Yankees getting stuck with the sloppy seconds for a change?

 

Comments

Hilarious last panel.

I could be wrong, but isn't it "rich Corinthian leather"? :)

I'm waaayyy too nit-picky here...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corinthian_leather

Right you are! It was the "Cordoba" car that featured the "rich Corinthian leather."

Mr. Rourke kicked mofo ass. Khan, too.

As long as we are busting balls, I thought it was "Mazzarotti", rather than "Massarotti", unless I am "don't get the joke guy".

That said, it is nice to see the MFY paying 26mil plus for a chance to ask out the fat girl to the prom.

lc

Maybe it's Maserati?

And to continue the theme, isn't it fascinating that Chrysler, the maker of the Cordobo, now also owns Maserati?

Welcome to Fantasy Island.

HB. DE PLANE DE PLANE!!!

Tattoo-we hardly knew ye

what kinda milk does a corinthian cow give?

Is there a Herve Villechiase (sp?) museum in Des Plaines, IL? Well, there should be.

What would player contract negotiations be without the hand-wringing?

Keep Manny!

There's only one thing that matters, and that's that the Sox front office and scouting has no clue. They had an incredible shortstop and didn't have any idea of what he's all about. 22 years old. League minimum salary. 158 games played. 119 runs scored. 17 home runs. 51 steals. And now we have to scurry around looking for a shortstop and we have to pay lousy players fifteen million per year? If you have a guy that's going to be a superstar for ten years, and you don't even know it, then you have no chance. Had they ever seen Damon play? What are their scouts looking at? We got to see Hanley for two at bats. They got to see him every day. Nice player evaluation. Can't wait to see the next batch of idiotic transactions.

What if Fantasy Island was remade...but Tattoo's character was named Ditka?

I had a 'brush with greatness' with Mr.Rourke. Met him in front of the Air & Space Museum in DC back in the late 80s.

Hey hey hey! It's Paddy24, the self-hating Red Sox cliche!

And he's gonna sing a song for youuu...
...and that's gonna show Theo a thing or twooo.
He'll sling some mud now all over everything...
Hating on the Red Sox
While the rest of us do our thang...
Na Na Na...gonna have a good time!

This is kind of a slimey move by the Sox, asking for money back from the Lions after using that same money to secure the rights to negotiate with D-Mat. (Not that the Yanks org can't be slimey, just sayin.)

The reference may be a bit old for many of you, but:

"I like what they've done with my car."

http://www.californiaclassics.nl/californiaclassics/chrysler/cordoba-1977-01-01.htm

...and you're right hb, Mr. Rourke and Kahn both kicked ass.

** In my best Bill Shatner accent **,

ahem, "KHAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!"

//This is kind of a slimey move by the Sox, asking for money back from the Lions after using that same money to secure the rights to negotiate with D-Mat.//

Considering everyone involved said this didn't happen, this isn't that slimey is it?

I think Boras bought Masserotti a Cordoba :)-.

Considering everyone involved said this didn't happen, this isn't that slimey is it?

Oh, I don't know. I must not have seen the most current info. I only read the Herald article linked above, which says: "...Lucchino is in Japan trying to get the Lions to contribute, say, $10 million to the cause. If Matsuzaka signs, after all, the Lions would still get more than $40 million for selling his rights to the Red Sox. If Matsuzaka goes back, they get zilch."

Trusting the Herald is like trusting the Enquirer or Star.

Next up: Underwearless Theo Epstein spotted with Paris Hilton and Brit Brit in anime love fest in Tokyo.

"He's really hawt," said Paris.
"He's hung like a horse," said Ms. Spears.

I'm obliged to mention Herve's big break as Christopher Lee's henchman, Nick Nack, in "The Man With the Golden Gun"

"Where are you Monsieur Scaramanga?"

The movie also features Britt Ekland in a bikini for the last 35 minutes...top 3 Bond babe of all time.

Cruise on over to Bronx Banter and see igawa and matuszaka head to head. Not hype, just numbers.

This could have been Machiavelli's (Cashman's) plan all along...

Hey, hey, hey, Kaz. Very funny. Get back to work. And Paddy24 - they got Beckett and Lowell for Hanley, not Mirabelli.

I heard a report on EEI this morning that MLB (Bud) said that they will prohibit any kick-backs from the Lions on the deal. But that's not to say that Lucky couldn't be negotiating some kind of exclusive rights to broadcast a 1:00 of NESN post-game in Japanese to some property owned by Seibu. Package it up with re-runs of Alley McBeal and you've got some blockbuster programming.

Scaramanga of the 3 nipples.

Second the bikini. I also loved the solar powered laser. (Wonder if there's a connection. Naw.:)

I saw an ally mcbeal hentai anime once, she's huge over there...

Ally McBeal and huge in the same sentence?

This story has more info: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2678439

Apologies if this is redundant.

This is, I believe, the latest in regard to this subject:

http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/sports/baseball/mlb/san_francisco_giants/16117797.htm

//"There are no side deals in the situation," said Jimmie Lee Solomon, executive vice president of baseball operations in the commissioner's office. "Everybody's been assured that's not allowed, and everybody's been made aware of the rules."

A Red Sox official said the team is not trying to reduce the bid, called a posting fee, which was by far the highest in baseball history. The official spoke on the condition of anonymity because the team is not commenting publicly on the negotiations.

Solomon said the posting process was clear to all teams before it started. There has been no complaint about Boston's handling of the matter, and no reason to believe the Red Sox are not following the rules, he said.

"There were some reports that we heard, but those reports proved to be not true," he said.//

Son of Hamulack -

What would Hanley do in front of Papi and Manny? I'm sure alot more 22 year old, 50+ steal, league minimum salaried, 120 run shortstops will be coming up the Pike. Hanley - incredible, $327,000.00. Beckett - over 5.00 E.R.A., $9,000,000.00. Extending big contracts to Beckett and Coco without seeing them perform in Boston. Brilliant. Paying fifty million dollars to negotiate with an unknowable quantity. Brilliant. Renteria for more money than Cabrera. Brilliant. Re-sign washed up Timlin. Brilliant. Consider 15 million per year for Nancy Drew. Brilliant. Unload Manny and Damon. Brilliant. Theo is a real genius. Can't we just bring back Duquette and let him go to town with the larger payroll that Henry provides? Duquette = Wakefield, Manny, Pedro, Damon, Varitek, Lowe, Nomar (Cabrera). They constitute the seven years of great times in Boston. Theo = Mueller, Bellhorn, Schilling, Foulke, Papi but then two years of 25 consecutive poor transactions.

Here's how it goes: G.M.s make transactions such as trades, draft choices, releases, waiver pick-ups and so on. Over a span of say, two years, fans and upper management evaluate how those transactions have gone. Except that is, on this blog. Here we suspend judgement. 25 bad transactions should be judged as 25 bad transactions. It should be evaluated as being poor job performance. I wish I had a job where if I performed well two years ago, I could mail it in for three or fours years thereafter. Let me be the first to say that the emperor has no clothes. The rest of you can watch highlights of 2004. Theo evaluated Damon's market worth based on 2002 and 2003 figures, but we're now in 2006 going into 2007 and he was flat out wrong. He misjudged the market and now it is obvious that Damon would have been a bargain in today's market.

You go, Paddy24!

As I've said before, I admire the passion and the cynicism.

Indeed (and I think I've said this before as well) I'd initially planned to have the character of Doug representative of the fan archtype/persona that you represent. And, really, the first season of the strip, I think I pulled it off OK. Not nearly as good as the real deal, such as yourself, but it was acceptable. (Actually, I take that back. Doug was far funnier than Paddy and has a much better way with words, too, but the point is still valid about wanting to have that zeitgeist present in the character exchanges.)

However, after the WS win, I confess I didn't have it in me anymore to will up and give voice to that "sky is falling" mentality 24/7, so all the characters have mellowed quite a bit as a consequence. (BigBri would mark this point as when the site went "bad" and stopped winning awards etc.)

I actually came very close to ending the site for good around Jan of 2005 when it became apparent that I wasn't going to be able to evoke the "holy fuck the Red Sox suck balls!" attitude with any sort of regularity and consistency.

Reading your comments, though, I realize I do miss that in the site.

Perhaps you could just send me a daily rant that I could then use to give voice to a new character?

In the meantime, I'm going to go back to living my life of suspended judgment.

:)


Can't we just bring back Duquette.

Great idea! Maybe he'll sign Clemens to be the closer!

Paddy, I'm interested to hear your insight into the loss of Anibel Sanchez, Josh Bard and Cla Meredith last year.

Bring back Duquette? Why sure! Grrrrreat idea! We know Clemens has been in his twilight years for the last 10+ seasons, so Danny boy clearly won't be foolish enough to sign him... But hopefully he can resign Carl Everett and Jose Offerman, rehire Jimy "Manager's Decision" Williams, and just generally gift the clubhouse, media and front office with his sunny, friendly presence...

I've always enjoyed calling Ally McBeal "Skinny McHungry". I know that there's really no rhyme to it...but the reason. Oh, the reason.

The sloppy seconds the Yanks got don't look so bad...Igawa's no Ultraman to be sure, but considering what's likely to be the going rate for pitching this year, the Yanks may have a relative bargain. For them it comes down to the fact that any new payroll actually equals payroll x 150%, as they remain WELL over the luxury tax threshhold.

Paddy...you're so...angry.

regaurding scaramonga. i once knew a women with three breasts... one on her back made slow dancing so much fun

ok i admit it i stole that from al bundy

** In my best Bill Shatner accent **,

ahem, "KHAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!"

Best. Website. Ever.

Who knew that two frames of an angry Kirk could be so mesmerizing? I think the music loop and increasingly reverbed "Khaan!!" really makes it.

First, clearly Kirk was the man. Recall in Generations when the bad guy whipped Picard and then Kirk came out of utopia/retirement to deliver serious ass-kicking.

Of course, that was when Shatner was still cool: Before he went from awesomely hard-to-describe overacting semi-wacko (recall his first set of priceline ads?) to completely overexposed whore...but a man's gotta make the coin while he can.

Aaron - Hilarious! I agree with Dave S. (as often I do) -- mesmerizing...

Natalie - Clemens took off two seasons while with the Sox. He totally shut it down. He found steroids and resumed his high level of play.

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