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Thank God and Greyhound They're Gone (R)

Soxaholix Redux

The following is an encore presentation of the strip that was originally published on July 2, 2004.

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Stop me if you've heard this one before: Red Sox lose an extra-inning heartbreaker in NY …

Say what you will, but that was one of the most exciting ball games I've ever seen. Heroics by hitters, heroics by pitchers, heroics by fielders, managing, maneuvering, you name it.


Of course, Shaughnessy says that just to twist fate's fucking knife in our backs.


Yeah, it's like having a guy you've never been too chummy with coming up to you and saying, "Man, I saw your girlfriend yesterday and she is just so hot. You're a lucky guy." And you're all innocent and shit asking, "Thanks, dude, where'd you run into my sweetie?" And the fucker's all nonchalant and shit, "She was standing outside the Sleepy Hollow Motel with your best friend, Jimmy. Cool how close you three are." … Cocksucker.


[Laughs] No shit. And speaking of relationships gone bad, I can't help but hope there's truth in this latest SoSH thread rumor about Nomar going to the Dodgers.


Yeah, I love Nomar but ever since the A-Rod thing in December, everything's been fucked up for player and fan alike.


Abso-fucking-lutely. It's like one partner in a relationship getting caught in bed with someone else and you try to forgive and make it work for a couple of months but you both know it's a facade … it's ovah.


I know the Braves are the adopted team of the South and all, but I tell ya, it's the Red Sox who have all the material for a killer country music song.


Fuck song! It's a fucking country music double-album. [Laughs]


[sings a wicked twang] Dear Red Sox, I've Got Tears in My Ears From Lying on My Back in My Bed Cryin' Over You …


[Laughs] When You Leave, Walk Out Backwards So I'll Think You're Walking In …



I'm trying to figure out the current connection to this particular strip. Last night's Pats game certainly was not one for the ages, and I doubt that tonight's CMAs were the spark either.

Yeah, I'm surprised. There's nothing on slit-eyed-yokel-of-the-giant-helm today?

As the Bronx burns, h.b. is trying to think of something, anything to stop the mad uproar over last Friday's strip questioning the validity of Jeter winning the gold glove and comparing Jeter's win to Barry Bonds' illegitimate single-season home run record.

I have never seen such rage amongst Yankees fans. I was at a cocktail party Saturday night that turned into an orgiastic frenzy, with drunken fans circling around life-sized Doug and Arturo blowups burning in effigy, chanting over and over and over, "De-rek Je-ter [clap, clap, clap-clap-clap]."

"no balls sox," a blogger on alt.sports.baseball.ny-yankees, has called for h.b. to resign and to renounce his affection for the Red Sox.

Will h.b. resign or at least apologize to quell the masses?

You obviously missed that in comparing Bonds' record to Jeter's Gold Glove, he was actually making a joke about the president's lack of scholastic ability. And yet chaos reigned ...

That reaction is similar to the time that hb did that cartoon with Jeter wearing a turban that had a bomb in it. What a dark day that was.

Jeter finally made a comment on this, and it sort of makes sense.

"I can see why they gave me the Golden Glove over Gonzalez, because I had to play alongside a third baseman who was having a season-long nervous breakdown," he explained, referring to ARod. "Not only did I have to worry about fielding ground balls, but I had to duck out of the way of all his throws or the guy would have killed me."

BTW, they also gave the Cy Young to Jeter.

I think Jeter may also win the Lady Bing trophy this year without even lacing up his skates.

Funny in all of this...and Bob mentioned something to this effect on Friday, or rather, suggested that Jeter was better qualified for it...is that Jeter really does deserve to win the MVP, but having won the Aaron and GG awards, will likely be lampooned if he does. Aren't there three different groups that vote on these things, anyway? I think the fans are for the Hank Aaron award, managers and coaches for the GG, and the BBWAA for the MVP.

You know what's also kind of funny, is that all of his ridiculous blowharddom besides, the big asshole's main point on Friday wasn't that bad: that lumping MLB's lack of integrity on the steroids thing with Jeter receiving a voting award he didn't deserve was an undeserved low blow. Of course, he missed the larger scheme and joke of it all, and happended to run into the buzzsaw that is HB when he doesn't actually have to work. But his point overall was decent: Jeter's GG award really has nothing to do with the integrity of the game.

If he wasn't so busy being President of The World Bank, bearing children, and inventing water, he'd be a better skater.


Holy crap, we're still on about Jeter? Let him have the hardware, he's still missing a WS ring from this millenium which is all I care about at the end of the day.

What I love about the above column redux now is the prescience about Nomar as well as the idea of fate's knife twisting, how convinced we all were that every season would end with us singing the old Mel Tillis hit "How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?" Just four months later the conviction that God is a Yankees fan would shatter, and that is a good good thing...

Now if only Theo would display a little less "boy," a lot more "wonder" this off season.

Wow, slow comment day. Nothing to say re: the Pats and Peyton last night?

Burnout from last Friday I guess.

Nat,you put what they call a ki-bosh on us.

At least Jetes invented water, also Oxygen

oh god, not a kibosh??? BTW, i love that word, lc. talk about jetes winning the nobel prize, I welcome it!!

Anyone see ESPN.com's Page 2? They re-ran an item on analysing famous sports figures' handwriting by some "world famous" analyst. Below are excerpted the comments on A-Rod's autograph. "...very motivated by approval..." Heh. Gee, ya think?

Also, the big imagination part. Suppose that's where the "dropping-the-shoulder" move comes from?

Nothin' like a little Slappy-bashing to pick up a slow day...

General notes: Rodriguez uses large capital letters -- very similar to the signature of Michael Jordan. His signature indicates that he is ethical, emotionally normal and very motivated by approval.

The large capital "A" and "R" indicate a person with a healthy ego, but not necessarily an arrogant one.

The clean "o" reveals a person who is blunt, honest and candid.

The large loop in the stem of the "d" indicates that Rodriguez is extremely sensitive to criticism. Approval definitely is highest motivation.

The figure-8 shape of the "g" indicates fluidity of thought and movement. This is very typical of finesse athletes, writers and people who are good speakers.

The closed "e" shows a person who doesn't listen well and is a bit close-minded.

The large loop in the "z" indicates a person with a large imagination -- a good storyteller.


How do you pronounce it --- "ka-bosh" or "ky-bosh"?

When Manny signs his name, the large "X" indicates a person who likes to hit wicked far.

ky-bosh is how I say it, for what it is worth...

bring on hot stove...

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