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The KKK took my trans fat away

Doug:
Hey, look, I want to move on from talking about the Yankees, too, but, c'mon this shit is just too good to pass up …

 

Doug:
Now we learn the Yankees were founded by a crooked cop and their logo is stolen.

 

Mike:
Yeah, and I'm still trying to figure out which of these wins the biggest lie award: Cashman saying A-Rod is a crucial piece of the Yankees future or Paris and Nicole best friends for life again just in time for Simple Life umpteen?

 

Doug:
I love this Torre quote on A-Rod: "He is a human being and there's a lot of times that he's not perceived that way."

 

Doug:
Jeez, Joe, the guy is booed because he's paid millions of dollahs for a job he seems incable of doing. He's not the fucking Elephant Man.

 

Mike:
Remembah when the Yankees were famous for their swaggah and bravado? Now their famous for being sensitive, feeling, metrosexuals.

 

Doug:
We've been saying it for years. The entire City of New York has gone soft.

 

Doug:
Think about it. CBGB's is closing, fucking shutting its goddamn doors and what are New Yorkers worried about? Trans fats.

 

Doug:
You think Tom Verlaine cared about trans fats? You think The Ramones cared about trans fats?

 

Mike:
Yeah, and you think Mickey Mantle had a personal shrink on speed dial for 24/7 "Mommy, why do they hate me?" consultation?

 

Doug:
Ah, well, so much for "Take a Walk on the Wild Side." Now it's all "Take a Walk With Your Pilates Mat While Sipping on a Soy Latte."

 

Mike:
And the vegan girls go "doo do doo do doo do do doo."

 

Doug:
Speaking of meatless, the Yankees future number one stahtah pissed himself again with the game on the line.

 

Mike:
Yeah, Zito's going to fit right in with that crowd.

 

Author's Notes
NYY stolen logo link courtesy of Deadspin.

Comments

h.b.: At your acerbic best today!! I guess we can say you went all Joel Zumaya on Gotham.....

The thought of the city of NY suing the Yankees for trademark or copyright infringement is just too rich. It's never gonna happen, obviously, but it would be one hell of a spectacle.

The thought of Lou Reed singing about vegan girls--priceless.

It's been a given for several years, but it's still sad that CBGBs is closing. I spent many a fun (and drunken) night there. My question is, with all the musical greats who have played there over the years, why doesn't one - or several - pony up the money needed to keep the place alive?

Cheap frigging greedy bastards. Are they all Skankee fans?

All of the predictable Yankees stuff aside, h.b. makes a good point about the erosion of liberty championed by nurse Bloomberg.

To the person who says: "But my clothes smell better when I get home from the bar" or "trans fats are bad for you," I implore you to understand that a free society is closely coupled with the ability of the citizenry to make informed choices and take risks if they so choose.

Follow up from late yesterday: Natalie - "Thanks, Rob in CT! That's one way to start recouping the cost of the dress :) If YOU sport the dress, I'll buy all the Soxaholix regulars a drink!"

Sorry, Nat, but if you want me in that dress, it'll cost you more than a drink. You get me a couple seats on the Monster and I'll even wear the dress to the game. Ha!

HB - one of the best columns yet. Acerbic is right! That Vegan girls comment had me laughing out loud. I'll have Sweet Lou in my head the rest of the day.

Bob...all those musical greats snorted whatever bread they made long, long ago. I think the developer is primed to make some serious bread for the space. It's a fucking travesty.

Hey, under current management, Fenway itself has become a painted whore in its own right. And New York has long been the capital of foppishness...nothing new there. I mean, the "Wild Side" was about trannies and heroin: not so tough. It wasn't until the 70's that it started to resemble the now-legendary crime-fest best exampled by the Warriors or the big Blackout. Tell you what, take a walk in Bed-Stuy or Morningside Park if you're still looking for a little of the wild side.

I read they are negotiating to open a CBGBs in Vegas. Great - the icon of the punk movement will be a fucking tourist attraction in Vegas.

You first, Dave.

lc

Wow, Dave - Big Blackout of '77, Morningside Heights, CBGB's. You guys are seriously taking me back. I attended college in NYC on Morningside Heights back in the mid-to-late 1970's and all this discussion has me smelling the urine in the subways.

Spending time in the City is such a different experience now. No more seedy movie houses on Times Square, no burning weed on the streets. For all of Rudy's Gestapo tactics (sorry to offend, Natalie) the City cleaned up pretty good compared to what it was. I still remember Life Magazine's front cover proclaiming Morningside Park "The Most Dangerous Park in America". Sure made my folks happy to have sent their son half way across the country to attend school.

No doubt NYC still has it's really bad, wild, and/or dangerous side. But you could say the same about most any city.

The bigger point is the branding of NYC.

When I used to think of NY I'd think of, yeah, the Warriors, The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3, Taxi Driver, Fort Apache the Bronx, and Thurmon Munson.

Now when I think of NY I think of Kerry Bradshaw, draconian no smoking laws, MTV's TRL (in Times Square of all places!), and Slappy McBluelips.

I feel the love, lc. Oh wait...nope, that's just a bullet. COD, you're right. I think they're planning on dismantling the interior and shipping it over. It's really depressing. First the porn, then the punk.

Awesome strip, hb. Will reiterate that the vegan comment had me snorting diet coke this a.m.

Rob in CT- sorry, buddy, but if I have Monster seats I ain't giving them up to see a man in a dress (especially not when I can walk through Bay Village at midnight and see one for free). :)

What Torre seems to not get re: A-Rod is that we as fans don't pay to see players be "human." They are paid millions to do physically outrageous things most humans could never dream of. They are aspirational super-heroes to a fan base, not normal Joes. If I wanted to see humans play ball, I'd head to the pickup fields on M Street and watch the beer league, not pony up $100 for two seats with obstructed views.

To be fair, I should add that I don't think it's inherently wrong for the city, any city, to be cleaned up and made safer.

I certainly would rather not be mugged and beaten while walking down the street.

But there is a difference between safe, non-urine smelling streets and, say, MTV's TRL on Times Square or Christo wrapping Central Park. It's like the pendulum has swung too far toward an idyllic Norman Rockwellesque NY and to far from the Joey Ramone NY.

HB...the fact that you're saying "branding" and "New York City" in the same sentence says two things to me: 1. you're in marketing, and 2. the world in general is really depressing, that a city would be branded. But it's true, you can't argue that New York hasn't become really sanitized. Still, come on down, spend a little time, and you'll find that in truth it's still plenty seedy. And hey, what about "Escape from New York"? Can't forget that one. Snake Pliskan, baby.

Then I guess she had to crash, soy products would've helped that bash?

My understanding of the CBGB situation is: Bowery gets popular, developer buys up the block, property values go way up, developer jacks the rent. If I'm David Byrne or Debbie Harry and by some miracle I haven't snorted my fortune away, I might still not be inclined to feed that beast. Maybe better to let the place go under than further enrich the developer. Then again, I've never had the pleasure of actually being there.

I has a meeting in NY earlier this year. Took the train to Penn Station and walked up Broadway to Central Park to my meeting. It reminds more of Disneyland than a real city these days.

I don't think it's Arod's performance as much as the attitude that is the problem. Fans can be pretty forgiving of performance if the attitude is good. (See Veritek, 2006.) I can't see the fans turning on Jeter after a bad year or two either. However, if you are going to have a bad year, whining in the press that nobody likes you isn't going to help, especially in NYC.

Branding might have been too strong a term.

What I mean though is the perceived image of NY to outsiders, particularly to folks in so-called "flyover country" has gone from one of excitement, adventure, danger and a big dose of decadent seediness to one more of a great place to take the kids, to go shopping, to see someone wearing Manolo Blahnik shoes, and so forth.

And I think much of that change of image was part of a marketting/branding scheme to make NY more of a tourist destination.

Again, though, not saying that's all bad. But it sure does tie in nicely with A-Rod, Torre's "sensitive" side comments, and the recent flaccidity of the Yankees ballclub.

Also, of course, I know the MTVization of NYC is a real sore spot among many New Yorkers, so I see it as a soft spot to poke at, you know, just for the fun of it.

I should add, too, that one need only recall the scenes from 9/11 to remember that New Yorkers, in general, are some tough mofo folks, and the FDNY and NYPD members especially so.

Want a Lou Reed lyric to sing-a-long with all day? How about

'Give me your hungry, your tired your poor I'll piss on 'em''

Seventeen year old lyrics that could serve as an anthem for current immigration policy.

Back to baseball. Zito is not helping his free agency cause. But given the dearth of pitching talent, the Sox or MFYs probably will pick him up. As to last night's game, Detroit looks to have fire in their belly and that will take you far in the postseason.

Midtown, COD, midtown: you have to get downtown to the Lower East Side, out to Brooklyn, up to the Bronx and Harlem to feel the non-tourist pulse of the city. I'm not saying Times Square isn't a part of the city, but New Yorkers tend not to spend time on broadway between 34th and Columbus Circle unless they work there. Times Square has actually literally been Disneyfied, and it's a money-making tourist magnet. Rudy made that happen: he zoned out the porn and tripled up the cops and wooed the "clean" investors. There's a fucking Toys R Us in Times Square now. The place is mostly an amusement park for the Midwest. And sad but true, CBGB itself has become more of a tourist destination in its own right. Many New York bands even sort of treat it as such, playing there in a sort of nostalgic haze. There are a lot of other venues with more clout now, that draw the real raw crowds.

It's only gonna get worse, y'all. Traditional advertising no longer works, we either inured to it or the DVR/TiVo is making TV ads irrelevant or everyone's installed pop-up blockers... Corporate marketing teams are all to eager to find new eyes, and thus will attempt to slap a logo on just about everything. Shit, in Japan it'll soon be raining ads...

http://www.spacedaily.com/news/internet-05zzu.html

A-Fraud as Cashman approaches him during the off-season: "....I'm not an animal...I AM A MAN!" (Then he hits speed-dial to his shrink)

Likely not far from the truth...listening to Mike & Mike (ESPN radio) is am, I guess other club's GMs are interested in A-Fraud, and the MFY might use him as trade-bait...who knew?

No, h.b., branding is definitely the right term.

One NYC suburb even went so far in this direction as to start highlighting all of its gay-friendly attractions to bring in a greater share of the homosexual crowd. That NYC suburb? ... Philadelphia.

Speaking of Philly: That Southwest ad that has snippets of Philly people talking about how their city is great, has one guy at the end saying, "It's like a little New York!" I hope that guy was chased from the city and is never allowed to return. Sure, he's probably an actor, but he's probably still from Philly. Have some pride.

Branding indeed. Certainly not the first case of it in NYC either. I worked on the audit of the venerable 'I Love NY' campaign corporation way back in the day. We were talking a multi-multi-million enterprise there. This isn't a new phenomenon.

Nor is is exclusive to NYC. How about 'Virginia is for Lovers'? Probably takes on a new light now, given the Foley situation...

Branding indeed. Certainly not the first case of it in NYC either. I worked on the audit of the venerable 'I Love NY' campaign corporation way back in the day. We were talking a multi-multi-million enterprise there. This isn't a new phenomenon.

Nor is is exclusive to NYC. How about 'Virginia is for Lovers'? Probably takes on a new light now, given the Foley situation...

Shit. Sorry guys. Got anxious and hit the button twice. Doh! Fucking Parkinson's... :-D

This is like the Twilight Zone ep when the astronaut sees his crewmembers disappear and suddenly he realizes that history is changing in front of his own eyes...all this shit being talked about the Yankees...like the astronaut, I need to check the newspaper...did the Red Sox suddenly not finish 11 games out?

How about that episode of Twilight Zone where the couple had the camera that took pictures 5 minutes into the future.

Imagine if they were at a Yankees postseason game and A-Rod was on deck.

Camera would show: A-Rod caught looking. A-Rod grounding into a double play. A-Rod lining weakly to the center fielder.

Or how about the episode where the guy is sentenced to solitary confinement on an unihabited planet and, to be nice, they send him a robot woman to keep him compnay and which he falls in love with.

Now imagine it's A-Rod on the planet but instead of a woman they send A-Rod a robot A-Rod to whom, of course, the real A-Rod falls madly and slappily in love with.

I could go on... :)

Jason...your comments are so Monday. Apparently, the Yanks losing the series to the Tigers washed away the flotsam and jetsam of the Sox's ruin.

More like so end of August. We've been over the Sox collapse for weeks now.

And, as I said in Monday's comments, we started to see the wheels come off well before that.

Yankees fans on the other hand were quite convinced as of last Friday that they'd be hoisting the pennant.

I saw an article yesterday about a survey asking what other state you'd want to live in if you had to move. VA finished #2, IIRC. The Virginia is for Lovers thing must be working :)

BTW, Foley is from FL, not VA.

Although to be more accurate, the slogan should be "VA is for Heterosexual Married Lovers". We have a "marriage protection" amendment on the ballot this year. I'll bet it passes easily.

I'll say I wasn't quite convinced, HB, more like 75% sure that the Yanks would move on. I don't trust the five game set, and the last few years have put a little Sox fan in me in terms of negative thoughts and expecting the worst. I was, however, quite hopeful, which is certainly enough to create the bitter disappointment I feel now.

I guess you're speaking for yourself when you say you were over the Sox's season long ago, as the Sox fans I know here in NY weren't fully relieved of the season's burden until the Yanks had lost as well.

As Nick Lowe sang, time wounds all heals, HB.

11 games out or division leader...they both have the same 2006 World Series prospects at this point.

Sure takes the sting outta "oh yeah, what about the Sox!?".

You got it Kaz. Bumped is bumped is bumped.

Dave,

Yeah, I should have prefaced my comments with "all the absolutely obnoxious Yankees fans" thought that.

Oh, and I'll certainly admit that while I had made peace with the Red Sox failure a while back, I still was bothered by the thought of the Yankees actually going deep into the postseason.

So, yeah, I was relieved and quite joyful to see the Tigers do what they did.

"BTW, Foley is from FL, not VA."

Don't be prickly, COD. I'm not picking on VA. But that's closer to the neighborhood where the esteemed congressman committed his churlish deeds than his homestate. At least those being reported on. lol

Well, this takes Red Sox devotion to a whole new level.

Mike Pod- from Portland, ME, sent me this image of a tatoo he got on his ankle.

I know it's late, but I just saw this comment on another blog (and, besides, it's always a good time to bash Fox's post-season coverage):

"And thumbs up to FOX for the lingering shots of crushed Yankee pinwipes at Tiger Stadium this evening. A friend who works in FOX sports told me how the techie Yankee fans who work there gave us plenty of shots of crying Red Sox before their comeback in 2004, but refused to do the same for the Yankees in game 7. Finally, some fair and balanced reporting."

Interesting, if true.

Thank God that tat was meaningful. I was worried he got ink of Lisa the Temp.


lc

Regarding Devery and the Yankees history, there's a very good book out there (undoubtedly available at Amazon) on Hal Chase entitled "The Black Prince of Baseball" that gives a very detailed history of the early years of professional baseball. A good read.

Everything I read suggests Devery was the meanest, most corrupt man ever to have strolled the avenues of Manhattan. He'd put any current politician, official etc. to shame - even Steinbrenner could probably learn a thing or two from him.

Lou - tattoos are one thing, but I've got a real scar from Lisa.

You see, she broke my heart when I found out she had the hots for you instead of me...

LOL!

Guess I'm going to have to work on making Lisa a regular. Who knew she'd develop such a fan base?

ANother GREAT edition of Yank-a-holix. Nice work H.S.

A-Rod "incapable" of playing third base? I don't really think that's accurate. Did he have a bad year? Yes. Did the boos get to him? Absolutely. Were the media and (some) fans complete jackasses with respect to their treatment of him? No doubt. Will he improve next year? You can count on it.

H.S. - your character's mocking NY's "swaggah and bravado" is nothing short of laughable. What semblance of "swaggah and bravado" do the 2004 champs have left? ANy trace of it is, perhaps scattered throughout the AL and NL on other teams. But it sure doesn't exist in BAHSTAHN.

And speaking of Metrosexuals...does anyone remember the team that was featured on Queer EYe for the Straight Guy? Anyone? ANyone? Bueller? Thaaaaaat's right, it was the BAHSTAHN Red SAWX.

H.S. you are truly off your game these days. Lobbing in softballs for me to knock waaaaay out of the park.

Ah, BigBri has returned from Cylon occupied Caprica. How nice.

Mind the airlock now, won't you?

Christ Bri, what a f-ing buzzkill. Go climb back under your rock, m'kay?

Bri... How can you blame h.b.? Its just so fucking easy.

And sure, A-Rod will improve next year, only it will be in Chicago.

Is it just me, or ANY time h.b. writes ANYTHING about NY, their only way to come at him is to talk about ex-sox players and say he's off his game? I mean gimme a break, come up with something better than that Bri, i'm really disappointed. You are truely off your game. Swing and a miss.

Yeah, the "off my game" bit is about as effective as the "dropping the shoulder move."

now that the dust has settled. now that ive gone thru the dissapointment of the sox out and the joy of the yanks humiliated. i now can ponder on the true problem that lies with the sox. i believe the problem is tina cervasio. she's a jinx a jonah and i believe she is a plant from the evil empire.i mean shes from jersey for chrisakes!!!that giant toothy smile and she always seems to be positioned where she can blind sox batters with it. oh not papi tho it wouldn't be good to be to obvious oh no. just a bit of loretta alot of coco and she killed trot i could go on but my meds are on the way. i think rsn should get together in an unruly mob much like the old frankenstien movies and run the biznatch outta town.

//Well, this takes Red Sox devotion to a whole new level.//

H.B., if I get a Soxaholix tat, will you sue me?

Oh God, just noticed that BigLie has crawled back into the light.

His mom's basement must be getting fumigated.

Bob,

Only if your tat also said I had a small penis.

Jeezuz. No Joke. ESPN.com is reporting Cory Lidle was killed in that small plane crash into the side of the 50-story apt. building on the upper east side of Manhattan this afternoon.

My sympathies to his family and to the Yankees.

Hot damn, the Chillicothe Kid has been exhumed!

I reiterate my long-standing suspicion that "BigBri" is H.B. in disguise. Things have been too civil around here recently, so you've resurrected the Nations's favorite straw man for our amusement.

confimed on wfan... prayers to the families

As much as I despise and hate the Skankees, my prayers go out to the Lidles.

That really sucks.

I was in the midst of writing my last comment while Rob in CT posted his. Much apologies for the jarring juxtaposition of my glee at BigBri's reappearance with the somber news of Cory Lidle's death. That's awful news.

And didn't HB just mention Thurman Munson in the comments today? Strike one up for unexplainable coincidence department.

My condolences to the Lidle family.

Fan allegiances have to be set aside at a time like this. Thoughts and prayers to the Lidle family and the entire Yankees organization. This really sucks.

I hate the Yankees. I love the people as if they were my brothers. It is a shame Cory had to go so soon. It's even worse if someone else may have had to die because of the accident as well. Hopefully, he did everything that he knew how to minimize the casualties.

Oh...no...way.

Sox on Lost.

I can't wait for tomorrow's strip.

wow-talk about a lostaholix-soxaholix connection!

What a perfect pop culture moment.

Quite a bit of respect towards Lidle shown during the ALCS. Absolute shame. Sympathies to his wife and family. Really seemed to affect the A's tonight.

I didn't see Lost last night, and am posting here in advance of h.b.'s super mind fuck confluence of the pop culture icons today.

But, I would just like to say that PHB's column today about Lidle and NYC is possibly the worst writing I have ever seen by a national sports columnist.

lc

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