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Lostaholix (The Glass Ballerina episode)

So where did you first encounter the Lost and Red Sox connection? Yeah, that's right, people, H.B.'s rocking the hatch mic …

Bill:
Jesus H. Bearded Prophet, who the hell knew The Othahs were Soxaholix?

 

Tara:
I just hope Benry Gale Linus got expressed written consent from the commissioner of Major League Baseball before replaying the Foulke to Minky snippet for Jack.

 

Bill:
Are you kidding me? Benry is hahdcore. He's got the World Series box set and the NESN Faith Rewarded. Dude dialed up Amazon as soon as he escaped from the Swan hatch.

 

Tara:
So does this mean The Others really are the "good guys" as they've been saying?

 

Bill:
Well, all I know is Kate, despite looking totally raunchified in that chain gang dress, is a Skankees fan.

 

Tara:
Get out!

 

Bill:
Look, you know how when Sawyer went all fists of fury and Kate just stood there? Didn't that seem odd for her charactah?

 

Tara:
Totally. I we've seen the bitch go all Lara Croft on those dudes in the bank and she pimp slapped a federal marshall to boot.

 

Bill:
Absolutely. Well, the way I see, after Benry fed her those strawberries on the beach, he took her back to his crib and made her watch the entire '04 playoff run simultaneously on his bitchin' multi-monitor setup.

 

Bill:
So now Kate is like every other mofo Yankees fan was that November: in a state of shock and awe.

 

Tara:
Now I know why I didn't trust freckle face from the start. I bet she's got a pink Yankees cap in her luggage.

 

Bill:
Meanwhile, I guess we now know why in two wars we never once heard any mention of the Iraqi navy.

 

Tara:
Yeah, dessert dwellers and boats are just not a good mix.

 

Bill:
Leaving that boat unprotected and losing it was one of the lamest Lostaway actions yet.

 

Tara:
Memo to Sayid: boats are about as hard to come by as starting pitching. You can never have too much of either.

 

Bill:
Yeah, just like Theo, he's going to have to learn that lesson the hahd way.

 

Tara:
Yeah, and just like the '06 Red Sox, all the Lostaways hopes rest on the shoulders of a big black man swinging his righteous Jesus stick.

 

Bill:
And we know how that turned out.

 

Author's Notes
I pilfered the "expressed written consent" line from the Lost Forum at Television Without the Pity.

Comments

Seeing Foulke make that toss to first again made my entire day.

Saw the clip and my first thought was Benry is a soxaholix! Great work as usual

I think it's high time to get Big Papi Eko back on the show

Jack can't be a Sox fan either. If anyone told me as a Lostaway that my beloved Sox finally won the Series, my reaction would not be to laugh. And then upon actually seeing the visual proof, I would be crying and doing Ben's bidding just so I could get to a phone to call my Stepdad, Ed, so I could have the same incoherent conversation I had with him in 04.

In 86 I was an exchange student in Germany so wasn't able to watch the series. I found out we had lost after finding the Armed Forces Radio station and hearing that "the World Championship winning Mets were visiting the White House." Good thing I didn't have a phone then - hearing Ed's disappointment weeks after the loss was heartwrenching enough.

Right, Jack is definitely not a Sox fan. In addition to what you mention, we also know from the previous two seasons that Jack has no faith. You won't make it as a Sox fan without having a good dose of blind faith.

My first reaction during Lost last night:

Hasn't Jack suffered enough? Haven't we all? Lost may have Jumped the Shark last night... Nice to see the transition from Yank-a-holix back to SAWX toalk. Let's see if H.S can maintain the momentum...

This episode made my day, especially since I'm a media studies dork and am working on a project about media coverage of the '04 Series.

Speaking of media, what do y'all think about the potential HBO miniseries on the '04 team? I don't know how I feel about it. I'm afraid it would be way too schmaltztastic. Plus, I don't even want to think about casting...

Who the hell is H.S.? That's the second time this week BigBri mangled the author's name here. The first time I wrote it off to an innocent typo - two times makes a trend though.

COD

H.S stands for "Hart Stolen". As in it appears (lately) H.B's heart has been stolen by the NY Yankees. Evidence of the theft can be seen in the countless posts discussing the Yankees. I made the reference originally a few posts ago.

The "H.S." is some sort of BigBri put down. Can't remember what it stands for, though. Like pretty much all of BB's insults, it was lame-oh.

Did you stay up all night thinking of that one Bri? It's totally killer. I'm so enraged I can barely type. Oh, you wily wordsmith you!

I thought it stood for Hot Shit (I mean that in a positive way).

Ok, click the "Posted by" because I forgot to put in something to click.

h.s., I'm really disappointed in you. You're so "stolen" by the Yankees but you refuse to acknowledge and talk about the tragedy with Cory Lidle today...instead focusing on a 45s clip within a TV show of some championship from 2 years ago.

Man, you really know how to kick all us fellow Yankees fans while we're down. We come here to see your newest love affair with the Yankees and all you can do is talk about pop culture like it's relevant!

OR

BB...stfu.

Final comment for a while: If you're a Lost producer/director/writer and you're reading the blog but haven't commented before (the only way I can see that you'd want to use the Sox as fodder for Lost), prove it is you and I'll buy you a beer.

H.B., start checking for Hollywood IPs... ;)

And here I was feeling like HB was just enjoying twisting the knife in Yankee fans' hearts. Shows what I know!

Jump the shark? No way.

I'm very excited for next week; I think (I hope) we're going to see a lot of invisible robots and black spectres. Eko's Jesus stick is getting warmed up for something big.

Here's where I'm getting thrown for a loop: Creepy Ben says he's been living on the island his entire life. But jump back to last season, and remember Locke's video room -- the training video tape was Copyright 1980. I guarantee ben's older than 25. But then why is the original hatch traning on 8mm? Are the hatches different ages?

I'm going to have to boycott that HBO miniseries assuming that's not a joke. Sounds pretty craptastic.

This BigBri/BB character is cracking me up a little. The idea of a Yankee fan trolling a Sox site and wondering why the site's author is obsessed with the Yankees. I guess it speaks to the widespread appeal of the crafty hb.

Hang on, I have to go post to some NYY sites and tell the readers how Sox-obsessed they are.

I think I'd see the HBO miniseries...after all, I made it through the craptastic Fever Pitch with only minor retinal burns.

IkeG makes a fantastic point. It takes a ginormous lack of self-awareness to charge h.b. with being Yanks obsessed when BB himself is trolling a SOX site and taking the time (and we know it's an inordinate amount of time, given the level of sophisticated thinking we are subjected to) to craft oh-so-witty little posts. Hilarious! Carry on, BB, I love irony!

h.b (does that make you feel better) -

You are dangerously close to stepping into the 'Glass House' zone. You spend a lot of time poking the Yankees with a stick but seem unable to handle any poking yourself. As for 'staying up all night' to come up with H.S. The answer is 'No'. But I find it hard to believe you've lost much sleep preparing some of the tired dialogue I've seen here recently - especially the 2004 re-runs as the SAWX sputtered down the stretch.

Finally, you spend a lot of time portraying the main stream media as outdated and irrelevant. Unwilling to acknowledge the blog-o-sphere as the cultural force that it is. Columnists who look down their noses at bloggers make you laugh. Bloggers who look down their noses at those who comment draw a similar reaction from me...

BigBri -

It's clear you've never been to this site before since you're under the impression that h.b. never "pokes" the Red Sox, the rest of RSN, or himself. Thanks for coming to Soxaholix for the first time! We hope you enjoy your initial visit.

Uh, BB? In case you didn't know, STFU means Shut the Fuck Up.

Try it. I know I'll like it.

Ooh, that glass house zone sounds wicked scary. Somebody hold me.

You know the old adage, h.b.

People in glass houses shouldn't have small penises.

OK H.S.

I'll keep posting my theories on the demise of this here blog and you keep supporting them.

And the rest of you - keep showing up here every day and - SNARF!! - spraying coffe on your monitor because H.B is totally out of this world funny!!! (wish I had a dime for every commenter who started your day with one of those digital hand jobs).

natalie - you are soooo sexy when struggling to define irony.


kaz - like many of your posts, your most recent effort lack ANY semblance of humor, logic or intelligence.

Carry on everybody....

sorry - just ONE more thing...

There's LOTS of press attention and blog awards for this site...from 2005. ANything for 2006? Just curious

OK, BigBri you win. This site has sucked really bad in 2006. (Some would say it's been all downhill since 2004!) I hang my head in shame. Now I totally know how A-Rod feels. Gosh, it's awful to try so hard only to fail and then be taunted and booed.

Why do you hate me, BigBri? Is it because I'm so good-looking? Is it because I'm Irish?

//Now I totally know how A-Rod feels. Gosh, it's awful to try so hard only to fail and then be taunted and booed.

Why do you hate me, BigBri? Is it because I'm so good-looking? Is it because I'm Irish? //

Now we're talkin', H.B!! THAT'S the kind of spot-on retort that drew me to this blog in the first place!

Only time will tell, but you may be back in the saddle!! Glad I could help.

Carry on...


//Now I totally know how A-Rod feels. Gosh, it's awful to try so hard only to fail and then be taunted and booed.

Why do you hate me, BigBri? Is it because I'm so good-looking? Is it because I'm Irish? //

I just spit coffee on my monitor, that was great.

Seriously though, BigBri, I wonder what you are like at work, do you bully everyone around there to make yourself look more right? More knowledgeable.

H.B. thanks for everything. Keep it going, I enjoy it, that is for certain.

Meanwhile, BigBri contributes to the daily blog hits. Carry on.

So, getting back to Lost...

Who do you think will be the first to flip allegiances? An Other or a Lostaway?

Well, technically, Michael was the first to flip. But I know what you mean...

Looks to me like Kate is working the other side.

I'm going to go with the Jack double-agent flip-flop. He's going to have a better go of it than Sawyer because he's not falling for the "divulge everything" with someone else...solo attempt = no trust issues.

Work travel conspired to keep me away from TiVo and Lost until just now ... and the Soxaholix followup was just as brilliant as I'd hoped. :)

Kate as Spankee fan ... what a concept. Damn, and I used to think she was so hot, too!!

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