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Like that time Vanilla Ice "snubbed" the Grammys

Like anyone ever thought that. The Yankees rarely ever "go away" and I don't know a serious Red Sox fan who feels otherwise.


And poor Dan-O still hasn't got the memo from 2004. You don't wish the Yankees away. You look 'em in the blue lips and proceed to beat their pinstripped asses.


I love this latest rumor Shaughnasty is trying to peddle that Sidney Ponson "snubbed" the Red Sox.


There's got to be a great laugh line to be found in that, but I think I'm just maxing out my mental RAM just trying to merge the notion of Ponson the fatboy drunk whom even the Orioles abandoned and the notion of snubbing anyone.


Heck, all I know is I wish over the years a lot more has been wash outs had snubbed the Sox as well. Might have saved us a boat load of heartache. Yeah, I'm looking at you Dante Bichette, Steve Avery, Jack Clark, so on and so forth.



I wouldn't diss on Ponson like that. The Yanks have stated that they detected a mechanical flaw in his delivery. Go back and check his final start for the Cards and you'll see it yourself if you look for it: he's wearing brass knuckles in his pitching hand and keeps bringing a bottle of Captain Morgan's to his lips with his left during delivery. That should be easy to fix.

Dante Bichette... Geez, my sphincter tightens at the mere mention of the name. As if dropping 3 of 4 to Oakland didn't give me apoplexy enough.

Maybe the Royals will be the cure for what ails.

If the Yankees' "mystique" somehow manages to transform the alcoholic Ponson with anger-managemnt issues and washed out pitching effectiveness into a solid guy on their rotation for the remainder of '06 season, then I will be forced to drink my own piss and proclaim that truly I'm a total fuckup and that I'm the mystique's bitch.

Yeah, because New York is a great environment to stop drinking and mellow out. My response to the Yanks dumpster-dive: "Nooooooooooooooo!!!" Hell, they have plenty of guys in AAA who can suck a lot less, and not be the butt end of so many very funny jokes. The theme for his first start: Arubian Knights.

Still, HB, I'd be careful...Aaron Small managed to go 10-0 last year. I hear piss tastes nasty.

Phew...I thought for a minute there someone might mention Heathcliff Slocum...run away!

Steve Avery. Man oh, man. And don't forget Rob Deer.

h.b., is that a Pedro-like mea cupla? "Just call the mystique my daddy"
F*ck fat Sidney, f*ck the mystique, which, if there ever was one, disappeared in '04 and f*ck the CHB.
The Sox will be OK.

Did someone say Matt Young?

That's mea culpa....
Christ, I'm so agitated I'm fat-fingering everything. Maybe you could say, I'm "Ponsoning' everything.....

In case you ever wondered what this strip might sound like if the heart of RSN was somewhere in the backwoods of West Virginia...


That's not bad, but my personal fave is the Firefox "Bork" plugin, where everything is translated into Swedish Chef-ese.... too bad it doesn't work with the latest version of FF. Frank Tanana, anyone?

Otis Nixon.........?!

I know this is a Ponson bashing/laughing day...but I figured I'd pass on some stats I worked up on the dynamic duo Tavarez/Seanez for the Surviving Grady crowd.

Tavarez and Seanez have the highest inherited runners allowed (IRs that crossed home plate) with 11 each.

Combined with Javier Lopez, those three have the highest baserunners per 9 innings of our relievers with at least 10 appearances.

On top of that, Seanez and Tavarez have the highest ERs (18 and 29 respectively) of our relievers with the exception of Foulke who hasn't pitched in forever.

55 runs have crossed the plate with Tavarez and Seanez, combined, in the game. That's through 87 and a third innings pitched.

Curt Schilling has had 51 runs score while in the game. 134 and a third innings pitched.

Now...here's the truly unbelievable stat: Other than Papelbot's 47 innings...guess which 2 relievers we've played out of the bullpen the most...Seanez and Tavarez (73 total appearances, 87 total innings pitched).

We keep going to these guys and they just play as bad as ever. At what point does the F.O. learn to cut bait?

Attaboy, HB, keeping that stiff upper lip.

Easy on my man Rob Deer, he's one of the kings of the mythical "three true outcomes," i.e., has a shitload of walks, strikeouts and HRs...one of the baseball prospectus writers (Goldman I think) coverted me to the simple metaphysical beauty of the three true outcomes a few years ago...

How can you slam Heathcliff Slocumb, the best name in MLB history...

BTW, boys and girls, re: the AL East, as Mills Lane often says:

Kaz...apart from a few notable flubs (and rare bright spots), Tavarez and Seanez have for the most part pitched in pretty low-leverage situations. Sure, yesterday's mediocrity put the game a lot further out of reach for the Red Sox than it was already...Seanez let one of his inherited runners score in the fifth, and Tavarez coughed up the insurance in the ninth. But overall, the fact that they have combined for so many innings and yet have been the pitcher of record in only 7 total games (3-4 total record) suggests that, as terrible as they may be, the Sox have for the most part had them eating the innings they should be: coast-to wins and lost-cause losses. Though they may stink pretty bad, what other real candidates for mop-up duties do the Red Sox front office have? I'd think they have other priorities to improve in areas that would have a greater positive impact.

Larry Anderson???

Okay, where does our Taylor Hicks murder plan stand? After hearing that f*&^%ing Ford ad for the 97,235th time yesterday I realized I have developed Mary Hart Syndrome- and my pup is not yet trained to resuscitate me from my voice-induced seizures.

Stiff upper lip?

Hardly. Indeed, the one baseball club on the planet that just might turn Sir Sidney the Arubian Lard Ass around is the Yankees.

This is why I said I'd drink my own piss and not something far worse, such as eating the corn out of my own shit, should that happen with Ponson.

(Piss, they say, has a lot of health benefits, too.)

Remember Mike Marshall?

I don't really understand the Taylor Hicks ad. Are the ad folks trying to ruin the guy's career before it starts? They give him some suck-a$$ jingle that appears to have been produced by a machine (inputs: subject = "truck", theme = "rockin'", random word = "possibilities") and say "go strut your stuff, stud ... oh yeah, the ladies dig you, tough guy". Then they play it more times per game than Seanez throws strikes. If they're going to annoy us with a crappy song, why not just trot Screech Diamond out there to croon?

For that matter, if we want some schmuck to cough up hits, let's just bring back Jose Canseco. I'm sure the post-game pressers would be entertaining.

In all seriousness, my problems with Tavareanez is not that they lose a ton of games (though they do manage to put many out of reach), but just that they actually get paid. VERY high pay/talent ratio. Here's hoping Manny D and Mmmbop Hansen keep up with the quality outings and render the Ez team obsolete.

Anybody else going to the game tonight? If so, I'll be downstairs at Copperfield's beforehand (should be there by 5:30 or so). I usually stand at the bar toward the entrance-side of that basement. First person to say "Soxaholix" to me gets a free beer. Although by that time, I might confuse it for another person calling me an alcoholic.

//!!!" Hell, they have plenty of guys in AAA who can suck a lot less, and not be the butt end of so many very funny jokes.//

Dave, considering his love of the bottle, I have a feeling Sid will be in AA by the end of the season.

I'm now debating the cost/reward ratio for walking to Copperfield's at 6 PM even though I'm not going to the game...

Heat...free beer...heat...free beer...

I thought the Shaughnessy column was fine, and I didn't think he "peddled" the Ponson snub rumor. I think he refuted it.

CHB's got his weak points, but he's still a good writer and this was a good column.

I thought the Shaughnessy column was fine, and I didn't think he
"peddled" the Ponson snub rumor. I think he refuted it.

Guess I read Shaughnessy with a more biased eye.

In my mind by even mentioning the rumor (which I hadn't even heard myself and of which a Google search returned no results) he spread it and gave creedence to it.

Moreover, he used that to set up the sarcastic dig at Theo, i.e, it's a backhanded slap at the fans who "Trust in Theo." He's sarcastically saying, "If Theo said it, well, it must be true then, wink, wink."

But the CHB has his fans. And, you're right, he can really turn a phrase when he wants to.

Turn a phrase? Maybe while he's botching his grammar. I'm not usually a spelling/grammar nazi, but when you base your livelihood on it...well, here's what's in today's column:

Less then two weeks ago, the Red Sox held a four-game lead over the Steinbrenner AC.

No, CHB. Less THAN... You're establishing a comparison of now to two weeks ago.

I'm also surprised his editors didn't catch that.

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