« Coke Heah, Plattah Balls Heah | Main | Like that time Vanilla Ice "snubbed" the Grammys »

Arrrrh! (A little early for talk like a pirate day, I know, but...)

Damn you, Oakland. Damn you and your funny white shoes, too.


This is not the way I want to start a Friday — A Sox loss, the Middle East on the brink of all out war, and, taking tragedy to a new level, I learn Keira Knightley has no tits.


Live by the Photoshop airbrush tool, die by the Photoshop airbrush tool.


Dude, this isn't funny. My wanking fantasy rotation is totally blown. Keira was my skinny yet Godly endowed go to goodnight sleep tight fantasy gal.


C'mon, kiwis or not, are you saying you can't find a place for Keira effin' Knightley in your pen?


No, not at all. But this is going to diminish her role. I'll probably keep her for special situations, a LOOGY, you know?


Fuck Johnny Depp. If I want to see someone in an eye patch, I'll watch my Manny hitting clinic videos.


Seriously, coolest thing I've seen all year is Manny in an eye patch.


You know if/when Manny decides to speak to the media again, I think he should don the eye patch and totally go the pirate talk thing.


Awesome idea. I can see it now …

Reporter: "Manny is it true you have a tear in your meniscus?"

Pirate Manny: "Arrr, you rum soaked drivelswigger. I'll give you a meniscus right in your dungbie. Next question, you in the back, the curly haired scallywag, Arrrr!"


Author's Notes
Hat tip to reader Russ Houston for the link to the Manny hitting video.


After seeing that promo clip for Manny's hitting clinic videos, I think the best way for the Sox to put a positive spin on last night's game would have been to put up a still of Manny in that eye patch - seeing that would make anyone feel better.

When the big day approaches (Sept 19) I'm fully expecting a week's worth of strips dedicated to Red Sox players talking like pirates.

HB, I was pi$$ed about last night's game until reading the strip. Just the thought of Manny trying to do a pirate voice, with the eye patch and a parrot on his shoulder, makes me laugh. Gracias!

I'd like to think that "drivelswigger" is a new word that you made up for today's strip, HB. Would it be one who imbibes driver, or one who produces it? Either way, fit for the media.

As an aside, I always thought of the pirate as being more of a "Yarr" as opposed to the "Arrr"

Isn't "Yarr" the language of a whaler ("Yarr, there she blows")?

Or the language of a ocean-faring porn star during his money shot? (Guess that would make him a seaman.)

I got "drivelswigger" from a site I found by Googling "pirate talk." It means, in pirate speak, according to the site, someone who uses a lot of nautical terms without really understanding their meaning.

And you're absolutely right that it's a perfect word to apply to much of what passes as baseball reporting and opinion by the media.

I don't know about you guys, but I have seen enough of Tavarez....

Keira Knightley was never in my spank bank, but she is a wee cutie. My spank bank is chock full of the cast of Firefly/Serenity*. Zoinks!

* Female, that is. Except maybe Nathan Fillion. He's dreamy.

floodgates are open:

Gates McFadden/Marina Sirtis menage a trois...BTW I ran into Gates McFadden in college in the early 90's and in person she was hotter than a bakery in Houston.

Ah, Dr. Crusher.

At the moment, the cylon chick from BSG is giving me the shivers something awful.

Scott, re: Tavarez...AGREED! Why, oh why, oh why does he get to stay on the team and pitch?! I got no problem with Tito's decisions. He knows more about Papelbon's chances in a second inning of pitching than I do (although I'd rather have Paps in than ole Batshit no matter the circumstances). But please, for the love of all that is sacred, PLEASE never let him pitch for us again.

I was at the game last night and you could just feel the energy get sucked out of the stadium when he came in.

Yeah, yeah, no Loretta error and we don't even get that far, but for Loretta it was anomalous, ole Batshit just sucks!

I must admit that the music on that clinic video is almost as brilliant as Manny in an eyepatch. It sounds like something Rump Posse would do.

heathalouise, the middle bit made me immediately think of the Mega Man games from the 8-bit Nintendo days. Though not nearly as good.

Gates McFadden/Marina Sirtis menage a trois...BTW I ran into Gates McFadden in college in the early 90's and in person she was hotter than a bakery in Houston.

Thanks for ruining my lunch. At least you provide proof positive that Yankee fans really *do* have brain damage.

perhaps Francona can lure better performances from "Damon Tav" with promises of gold-pressed latinum...

The geek trifecta is in effect.

Okay, I'd tap pretty much any female on BSG (including the president), Firefly, Stargate SG1 and Atlantis (although Amanda Tapping is getting a bit long in the tooth), and Space: Above and Beyond. Both Cylons on BSG are allowed to me by my wife on the off-chance they dig hairy Irish guys with scars and love handles.

Wait a minute! You didn't have to Google "Gates McFadden" to figure out who she is? Is this a site of 300 lb couch potatoes?

Speaking of geek - new season of SG1 and Atlantis starts tonight - just in case you can't get the Sox game where you live.

The comments to this entry are closed.

The Soxaholix eBook Spinoff

The captivating and long awaited Soxaholix eBook spinoff is finally available!

There's No Crying in Pocket Pool


Purchase at Amazon.


Logo t-shirts now available, several colors, even pink.

'Soxaholix logo t-shirt