Take what spoils you will from Egypt and go

Doug:
Christ I saw this Snyder kid take the mound for the first time and I was like holy fuck is that Bronson Arroyo after a couple mega doses of human growth hormone?

 

---

Bill:
No kidding. Snyder pitched a decent game, too.

 

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Doug:
I'm loving this youth movement. Now they're bringing up Hansen to bolstah the pen.

 

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Bill:
Yeah, everyday I'm looking at anothah fresh new face, anothah peach fuzzed AAA kid. I totally feel like a MySpace perv.

 

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Doug:
And, hey, what about the return of Gabe Kaplah? I mean talk about your Chosen People. Everybody loves him.

 

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Bill:
Because Kaplah's a total effin A+ gamah.

 

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Doug:
Kap's got the blood of Moses in him, totally kicks Pharaoh's mascara wearing, pyramid loving, sissy ass.

 

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Bill:
Even if Pharaoh's name is "Ditka," Kaplah would still give him the Hebrew burning bush beat down.

 

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Doug:
And talk about two-fers. With guys like Kap, Youks, and Epstein you can root for the Red Sox and piss off the anti-semite, Holocaust-denying jihadist nut jobs all at the same time.

 

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Bill:
Hey Ahmadinejad, I've got your 12th Imam right heah, bee-atch.

 

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Comments

[h.b.]

FYI …

Dear Die Hard Red Sox Fans:

I am a casting director for the Fox hit show Trading Spouses and we are looking for a family of big-time Red Sox fans. Are you one? Or do you know such a family? Or could you direct me to other passionate Red Sox fans or tell me where I can find them? We're looking for family of husband and wife with at least one child between the age of 6 and 18.

Thanks for your time and help.

Regards,

Scott McConnell
(323) 802-0500 ext 404
scottmc@rocketsciencelabs.com

[Natalie]

Gosh, do you think you'd be swapped with a family from the Bronx? I hope there is serious money involved :)

[COD]

FYI part II:

When a Trading Spouses producer approached me last year, they were offering $20K.

Would you take $20K to be ridiculed on national TV, and have to live with a family MFY fans for a week?

[h.b.]

Pretty sure that's what they have in mind.

Interesting, COD, on the 20k figure.

This is the 2nd time they've contacted me about the show, and I'm fairly certain the first email mentioned a $60k figure.

Maybe they've increased the payout since the show got decent ratings?

[Rob in CT]

"Myspace perv"...

HA! hb, you freakin' kill me.

How about trading spouses between Schill and the Big Eunich? Randy's got himself a new daughter, right? As an advertiser, what WOULDN'T you pay for a couple 30 second spots on that show?

[harwich rich]

I'd be willing to bet BB(sorry,now he's A-Rod) and his mother are already signed up. Wouldn't that be a treat.

[Rob in CT]

hb - you have any idea from your Koran readings how long the Spankees pitching Occultation is supposed to last? Let's hope it's at least as long as that of the 12th imam's.

[Josh]

Four million dollars. That's what it would cost to get me to live with a Yankee family for two weeks, unless it was my friend Jason's. And even then, my price only drops to $1.5 million.

[Natalie]

As I've mentioned in this space before, my ex Bill is a huge Yanks fan, so basically now that I think about it, I lived with an MFY fan & family for almost 5 years for FREE. Too bad I am not married with kids, this time around at least I'd get some cold hard cash out of the deal :)

[Billy Mahty]

How about swapping Cynthia Rodriguez for Juliana Ramirez?

[Ryan with a capital "R"]

Living with a Yankee family would be a breeze, thanks to 2004. Bring a suitcase full of World Series t-shirts and you'd be all set. Any time they said anything, you could be all, "Remember October 2004? Did you cry yourself to sleep four nights in a row or what?" Sure, they could try bringing up 2003 and 1986 (which they would, even though the Yankees had nothing to do with that), and 1978 and Babe Ruth, but it would be like firing bullets at Superman. Now, the Yankee getting swapped into the Red Sox family? You'd have to pity him or her.

[Aaron]

I smell the stench of brimstone around last night's results. Think about it: last year, the Spankees' season was saved by a career journeyman pitcher who had obviously signed a deal with the Devil (although, judging by his numbers this year, maybe Small and Beelzebub should've gone for a two year contract.)

This year, it's our turn to benefit from a pitcher with a freshly-inked demonic pact. Methinks Mr. Snyder has been placing many a phone call to the 666 area code...

[Ice Princess]

I wonder if the show will be filmed during the playoff's... That might be some interesting TV.

[Dietz!!!]

The Tribe has spoken! thanks for the shout-out to the Chosen People, hb...now if only we can unload Bud Selig onto the christians--"Schilling" kinda sounds Jewish, doesn't it?

[Natalie]

According to a colleague who heard about this Trading Spouses thing this morning on 92.9, many more Yanks fans had applied than Sox fans. Hmmmmm, think those MFY troglodytes have something to prove??? :)

[h.b.]

My guess is that the Yankee family husbands are knuckle-dragging, mouth breathing, youseguys knucklehead types and the poor wives of these oafs are hoping they can go hang out with a sophisticated Red Sox hubby for a week and dine on lobstah and chowda while engaging in titillating conversation.

[louclinton]

Re: Trading Spaces

They posted that casting call on Craig's List a couple of weeks ago, and they were offering $50 per family. Still cheap for utter debasement and the prospect of living with some big haired Italian squak from Brooklyn.

lc

[Dave S.]

Sox fans smell more and more of Yankee fans a few years back. It's weird. That 2004gasm has left the world a stranger place.

[tessie]

60K, does that include bail?

p.s. Sox are 4-0 since my Logan was born!

[harwich rich]

lc-did you say squak?

[Rob in CT]

"lc-did you say squak?"

******************************

"Yeah, the two yutes."

"Uh, what's a 'yute'?"

(God I love that movie...)

[Bob]

I think Lenny Clarke should apply, and swap his wife for Damon's. She'd be a broken woman (literally) by the time Lenny got through with her.

[da kine]

How about we trade the Globe sports page for the NY Post sports page? Actually, maybe we could keep the Post guys...they seem to like the Red Sox (and criticize the Chokees) more than the CHB and his minions.

[louclinton]

I said squak.

I meant to say 50k per family.

[harwich rich]

There's not enough money in the world:)

[Follower of Tito]

lou is right...my dental hygenist was on it. She was the LARGE white women from western Massachusetts who swapped with the black family. She and her family got 50k...although I only have to deal with her every 6 months for about 25 minutes...it was probably not worth it...her voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

[Jason O.]

Any recollection of the Chappelle black/white family swap parody?

Chapelle played the uptight white man in the black family, and he also reprised the great Leonard Washington character as the black man in the white family.

Not quite as funny as the "one white guy in the black MTV real world" sketch, but close.

[Matt]

For $50k I could deal with a Yankee family, but under one condition: NO Suzyn Waldman. That's where I draw the line.

[moshe kranc]

Now get Adam Stern up from Pawtucket, and we can have a minyan during the 7th inning stretch