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Night in the Ruts

So much for the Y-AAA-nkees, eh?


Yeah, all they need is for the remaindah of their season-opening stahtahs to go on the DL so they can go on to win 110 games with their minor league callups.


Who the fuck has been doing these craptastic scouting reports on the Yankees farm system and telling us "it's empty, devoid of talent," the CIA? I mean talk about lousy intel.


No kidding, if the spooks in Chantilly are still looking for Iraq's missing WMD, try underneath the clubhouse at Trenton Thunder or Columbus Clippers.


Meanwhile, how appropriate is it that on the eve of 6-6-6 we were taken into the bowels of Hell and bedeviled by Johnny Damien and his minions.


Yeah, who knew that slut Rosemary named her baby Andy Phillips?


Yeah, and who knew reading Josh Beckett's stats would be akin to reading apocalyptic literature?


Yeah, every time Beckett gives up another armageddon long ball, I feel totally fucking Left Behind.


And David Pauley tonight pitching in only his second game above Double-A ball?


The forecast calls for locusts.



Thanks again to the men who did not falter under Nazi machine guns 62 years ago so I could sit here at work, drink coffee and type this.

I second that sentiment, Jason.

definitely keeps things in perspective. Thanks, Dad

Hey, back from a week in the woods of the Pacific Northwest...no tv, no nothin'...good to be back...We can't have too many reminders about that tremendous group of men, really from so many places...the U.S., U.K., (then) Soviet Union, Canada...who sacrificed so much. Good on ya', Jason.

Left Behind...whoa...that stuff is pretty crazy. A friend of mine worked briefly at its publishing house and as a joke gave me the first three installments. I read the first two and half of the third before I just had to stop. It was like being witness to a school bus stalling on the tracks and getting hit by a circus train, and then seeing all the carnage spill from the exploding wreck in slo mo. It's just so very, truly, deeply disturbing and insane that such work could ever exist, and be taken so seriously. I highly recommend picking up the first book and just reading the first 100 or so pages. Just that people find it profound and useful as being descriptive of a likely future is jaw-dropping, so amazing. It's kind of dizzying. I understand that there's somthing like 8 or more books in the series, now? Wow. Millions of copies sold. Wow.

Yeah, the Left Behind stuff is out there, but so is crap like The Protocols of the Elders of Zion or, really, any of that "hidden imam" crap that fucktard Ahmadinejad spouts.

...and let's not forget the racist toilet paper that others have found inspiration in a la "left Behind" - "the Turner Diaries" compunded with its musical equivilant: any race-rock (Skrewdriver, etc.)

fucktard Ahmadinejad spouts.

MS Word could not find the word 'Ahmadinejad'. Did you mean 'Assjacket'?

I'm glad there was some good hockey on OLN last night to distract me from that debacle. Whoof.

Yes, many thanks today.

Has Coco Crisp always had that speed-freak batting style? I heard one of the ESPN announcers saying "He does that to keep his fingers from tensing up." Jeez - what if his legs start tensing up?

The resilience of the "Protocols" is astonishing. Of course, it fits perfectly the beliefs of those who like to site it, so they can conveniently dispose of the facts surrounding its clear forgery. What a wonderful world! There's some great stuff out there. The story of Xenu, really the cornerstone of Scientology, is a particular doozy.

...back to Jason's original message, it just sort of occurred to me...why not move Memorial Day to this week? It would normally be only one week later, and to have it coincide with the anniversary of Operation Overlord would help us, as a nation, to better remember all of our fallen.

Yeah, Xenu has been a topic of discussion among the characters here as well. Definitely a doozy.

But let's not forget that it isn't just the religious nuts who can have some pretty whacky theories. The secularists can be just as dogmatic in their own whacky beliefs.

Trust me guys, the game felt a lot longer sitting there in the stadium. Here's hoping Walnuts can bring something to the table tonight.

what the fuck was that about last night?


It's a shame that the Tigers series was not scheduled for this week, so that everyone could take the opportunity to drive an hour or so outside of Detroit and join today's big 666 party in Hell, Michigan.

Nice Aerosmith reference in the post title, btw.

Is the point where the team falls behind the MFYs and spends the rest of the season playing catch-up? [I read the first book in the Left Behind series as a sort of sociological inquiry. Schlock is the word that jumps to my mind. Hard to believe the wealth that the authors have amassed with those books. For sake of disclosure, I think I am the only person in the country that found The Da Vinci Code equally dreck-like.

Cool link, Aaron. What's interesting is that religious scholars have recently come to the conclusion that the beast's number may in fact be 616--- which happens to be a Michigan zip code. Funny, here I thought Hell was ~200 miles south of here and had a 212 area code.

Yaz, if its any consolation, I may be the only person on the planet who has not bothered to READ the Da Vinci code in the first place. Loving the use of both schlock and dreck in your post. They are now my words of the day- and I hope to be able to employ them this evening to describe the Yanks play.

Oops, I meant area code, not zip code...

The number of the Beast is actually 616? Well then, according to the internets, that means that the Devil Went Down to Grand Rapids.

And, in other fun 6/6/6 news, today is the National Day of Slayer.

Also: Go Sox.

...I certainly don't mean to suggest that the sublimely ridiculous is the exclusive domain of religious nutjobs. There's more than a fair share to pass around for all, religious and secular alike.

For a lovely blend of the two, and an hilarious, if puzzling, read: http://www.qadhafi.org/the_green_book.html

LC...last night's game was about Yankee hitters sitting on Beckett's flat fastball. He just didn't have it at all. Before the season, I was telling my Sox fan buddies that they were going to be let down by Beckett. I pointed out his splits home and away from Pro-Player in Miami...that it's a major pitchers' park and that Fenway was going to reveal that he wasn't really an ace, but more like a number four or five starter, and a fragile one at that. I guessed something like a 14-8 record and 4.20 ERA in 27 starts or so, starts reduced by blisters and shoulder crankiness, but his W/L buoyed by lots of run support. I sure was wrong thinking that it was Fenway that would do him in, though. His road woes are killing him. What's up with those splits? Fenway's a pinball machine, yet he carries a 2.16 ERA there with 0 homers, and a 7.00 road ERA with 16 homers. I just can't figure it.

Dave is correct..."Excitable Boy" is a much better pitcher than was on display last evening.

"Well, he went down to dinner in his Sunday best..."

Andy Phillips: The next Troy Glaus, you heard it here first.

What was up with your captain lunging at Melky and trying to push him off of home plate?? Without the ball in the vicinity, what was he trying to accomplish? Why, if I didn't know better I'd say that diving to shove someone who is clearly safe off of home plate is on par with slapping the ball out of someone's glove when you're clearly out...

I'm worried about Epstein/Francona calling for the cheap tactics/beanball tonight from this kid to slow the Yankees freight train, which just now getting under steam...

When I looked into all the fuss around The Da Vinci Code I figured I've already read Eco's Foucault's Pendulum (one my faves) so why bother.

...Why, if I didn't know better I'd say that diving to shove someone who is clearly safe off of home plate is on par with slapping the ball out of someone's glove when you're clearly out...

An uncharacteristically feeble attempt from you, Jason.

I'm worried about Epstein/Francona calling for the cheap tactics/beanball tonight from this kid to slow the Yankees freight train, which just now getting under steam...

"Freight train" is an apt metaphor, given all the bloated, dead weight it's hauling these days. But that's funny, suggesting that guys like Melky Cabrera and Terrence Long are big threats. The spanks managed to put most of their guys on the shelf all by themselves.

As for Phillips, that's a bit of a bold statement. He's one year younger than your current 3B, and at least A-Rod is a proven, clutchless commodity.

Dwight, I'll remind you in a few weeks that you just grouped Terrence (and Phillip) Long with Melky Cabrera...

Right, Alex is currently 28 places better than your man Ortiz in AL VORP according to baseball prospectus through June 5. Please, by all means, have a discussion with Joe Morgan, read some tea leaves, smoke some other leaves and then get back to me on the definition of "clutch."

Actually, I could use some leaves right now...tobacco, rolled by hand...outside...with a drink....ahhh Calgon take me away....

In the interest of intellectual honesty, that f***er Youkilis is really paying off for the Red Sox.

For someone to sarcastically invoke the Joe Morgan baseball religion, mention VORP and zing one at the nebulous notion of 'clutch', you wouldn't think they'd be calling Andy "batted .300 in the minors, like most other major leaguers" Phillips "the next Troy Glaus". Especially in light of the fact that you currently have a t(hr)eebagger who, statistically, is better than Troy Glaus.

Yeah, the "A-Rod is better than Ortiz" meme is a total non-starter on a Red Sox site.

As I've said before, when it comes to dislike and animosity toward A-Rod, it's not rational, so stats are of zero value.

And, let's face it, Ortiz is just infinitely more cool than A-Rod by every measure.

One guy is a pretty boy with blue lips who reminds one of Ricky Martin while the other is a hulking giant of a man who reminds one of Babe Ruth.

One guy has a gambling addiction, the other guy has a mango salsa addiction.

One guy has to call his personal head shrink every day to get in touch with himself or whatever, while the other guy has 5 iPods and listens to reggaeton to chill out.

I could go on. :)

And let's not forget two other differences:

- One guy signed his big honkin' contract after winning a WS, the other signed his before.

- One guy was a castoff who jump-started his career with his current team, the other was already a star when he signed with his current team.

Fair or not, A-Rod will wear the choke collar until he helps the Yankees to a WS win. That's all he was bought for, nothing less.

Take it from a Yankee fan, we all actually intensely love Ortiz for all of his obvious character, love of and skill in the game, and generally cool demeanor. But that love is perverted, of course, into hate and fear, since he plays for the Red Sox, and is such a true Yankee killer. So try as some might, there really isn't much room for any honest Yankee fan to heap the type of scorn on him that Sox fans do on A-Rod. HB has it right: Ortiz is simply really fucking cool and respectable.

I actually like that A-Rod is at least addicted to gambling. The viceless are, in my eyes, rather boring. And A-Rod is boring indeed. Hell of a ballplayer, though.

And yeah, A-Rod will wear the choke collar, it's true. Actually, pretty much all of them have worn it since 2004, and the only way to get the monkey off the back will be to win the whole bag. Still, we all remember He-Of-The-Growing-Head (no, not Giambi) as being the mother of all chokers, and then he went all 2002 on everyone and set pretty much every single season playoff hitting record there was to be had, nearly carrying his depleted Giants past the white hot Angels. I could easily see A-Rod having a similar breakout. His non-clutchness is hugely exaggerated.

Come to think of it...so long-winded, sorry folks...I think the crux of whatever debate exists from the Yankee end of it is that Yankee fans respect Ortiz, but Red Sox fans don't respect A-Rod. That burns Yankee fans up.

Nice post dave. I respect Jeter on the Yankees the way I expect Yankees fans to respect Papi. That's what's gotten lost in all this, Jeter is the one that scares me when it counts. A-Rod is a great player that deserves some of the stuff that has stuck to him.

A-Rod's extremely low cool/talent ratio is not unique in sports. There are many athletes (Carl Lewis comes to mind) who, despite great stats, work ethic, and apparent nice-guy-ness, are just geeky. I can never quite put my finger on it, they just don't jump out as guys that you want to meet. You feel like if you saw them at a party, you'd talk to them for about 5 minutes and then suddenly you'd have to answer a "very important phone call".

Of course Carl Lewis won like 80,000 Olympic medals. Then again many remember him best for the way he mangled the national anthem.

Dave S. is again essentially correct, albeit a bit too soft: I consider Ortiz to be like any other player on the Red Sox, respectful of his established ability, but I hope he goes 0-16 in this series with hacks weaker than C. Montgomery Burns's...then he can torch TB all he wants. And Sloppi, take a lesson from Giambi...when you don't like a call, respectfully engage the ump and ask him where where it was instead of looking like Anderson Cooper reporting from New Orleans and your OBP will be better than .30 bps above the league average...

Trotter has it right- Jeter's the guy to respect and fear, and Matsui makes two. I was very torn when he got hurt this year, for while he's a freakin machine against the Sox and I'm very glad we're not facing him this season, I appreciate the professional way he approaches the game and was sorry to see him go down for (most of) the year

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