Yankaholix

Because to know light one must also know darkness …

Unknown Yankees fan:
I hope Red Sox fans enjoyed their momentary flirtation with first place in the AL East, because after tonight's Yankees win they'll be chasing us for the remainder of the season.

 

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Marty:
It's pure luck they've hung around first this long. The numbers don't lie. Yankees 183 runs. Red Sux 162. And runs allowed, The Greatest Franchise in all of sports 118. The Red Sux 150.

 

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Unknown Yankees fan:
And just because the so-called experts at ESPN and Sports Illustrated want to peddle crap about how the Yankees rotation is weaker than the Red Sox doesn't make it true. Pick your metric, ERA, WHIP, slugging against, HR and walks allowed … doesn't matter, it's all Yankees, Yankees, Yankees.

 

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Marty:
Against the good clubs like the Blue Jays and the Indians, the Red Sox have been truly embarrassing.

 

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Unknown Yankees fan:
I'm thinking the Bombers take 2-3 easy and most likely sweep.

 

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Marty:
Prediction: Beckett's gone by the 3rd and he and Curt spend the rest of the game crying in the dugout.

 

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Unknown Yankees fan:
Isn't Beckett the perfect Red Sock? I mean he's a mirror of the fans: boorish, full of rage, and dumbly certain that one World Series win begets bragging rights.

 

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Marty:
Can't wait to see Johnny Damon take him deep.

 

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Unknown Yankees fan:
Clap Clap ClapClapClap!

 

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Comments

[Carlos]

Truer words have never been uttered by good ol' Marty. He should have added that it's going to be tons of fun for all of us in NY when Wells takes to the mound again for you guys when he's "healthy." And say hi to that wicked tandem of Alex Gonzalez and Mark Loretta for us!

[americantrotter]

As if I needed to be any more hyped hb. I dont fear the Yankees anymore, they're just another good team. I do loathe them with the same hatred, but it seems like they now need to validate their part in this rivalry that they once professed to care less about than us.

[tessie]

trotter, I know what you're saying...like we need to be spun a little tighter. Is it a sin to hate someone if they're only clipart?

[Bob]

H.B., why-oh-why does Marty have to look like Ted Williams? It's like giving Jesus horns and a tail. Or Big Papi blue lips.

[americantrotter]

"Is it a sin to hate someone if they're only clipart"

Absolutely Not. They're the embodiment of evil, an idol of sorts. Therefore it is commanded that we not worship them, and hating seems like the logical reponse. (As far as sox-friendly clip-art, maybe Jesus looks the other way)

[Mike]

How does Marty persist in living with all that creepy ichor swirling through his veins instead of the blood all real men share? To see that man is to loathe him, even his doctors must give him a placebo sometimes instead of his heart medication.

Wait a minute, the only way to explain Marty is that he must be a doctor himself, seeing to his own treatment. Someone that evil surely would have been put down by any responsible member of the medical community.

He probably shoots kids on Halloween for trespassing on his property. He probably forecloses on people's houses and demands their daughters as interest on the note. He probably trips old ladies at grocery stores to get the last jar of Nutella.

Here's to Big Papi shutting that psychotic mouth of his a couple of times in the 9th inning this week. Here's to Mark Loretta and Kevin Youkilis running that guy's European Supercar over with a massive influx of RBIs. Here's to Beckett recording a record number of Ks against the 'bombers'. Here's to Manny making a defensive play at the wall to put Arod back on the bench.

M

M

[GaryGeiger]

Re: 'Marty's' comments on boorish RS fans.....read scumbag Vaccaro's trash in the NYPost.....'Drop Papi'. Talk about boorish and inflammatory. If a Boston paper wrote about dropping Jeter or A-Rod, that drooling old Pop-Pop Stienbrenner would be speed dialing Bob Watson.....

[IkeG]

HB, great, great strip today. My blood was boiling just seeing that Fred MacMurray character talking it up.

Big night for both pitchers tonight. Both guys have been weak of late and need to right the ship.

[Kluv]

It's so ON.

[Follower of Tito]

To continue the Dark side theme...In a dugout today, and not so far away:

Schilling (in Yoda's voice): "If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will"

Beckett (as Luke): Is the dark side stronger?

Schilling: No, no, no. Quicker, easier, more seductive.

Beckett: But how am I to know the good side from the bad?

Schilling: You will know...when 55,000 New Yankers shut up!

Beckett: Their overconfidence is your weakness.

(Roll credits)

...BTW, totally agree with trotter and have said it before; after 2004 every time I hear a MFY fan start with the mystique crap all I hear are the Charlie Brown adult voices:"whah whah wa whaa waa whaa" Play ball!

[GaryGeiger]

BTW, h.b. I love the Blade-Runner, Batman/Gotham gloom of the strip...so apropos for NYC

[harwich rich]

That last frame should read crap crap crapcrapcrap

[Jason O.]

Brief questions for the experts:

If Johnson hits Ortiz will Varitek put on his equipment before he leaves the dugout?
Will he go for 2x protection and grab Mirabelli's equipment as well as his own?

[Billy Mahty]

Yankaholix - I love it. That strip was pretty much all right on.

Haha.. can't wait for tonight.

[NolaSox]

Jason, will Arod run to the dugout to grab his purse to take into the melee?

[vermonter]

...or will his pillbox-hat fall off as he "drops the shoulder"? Oh wait, he didn't actually DO that, he just talked later about how he could have done it.

[Bob]

I think A-Fraud will just call on his bodyguard, Richard Simmons, to protect him.

[Follower of Tito]

NolaSox, you forgot about A-fraud's lipstick. J-O, the bigh Eunuch should be more worried about what Manny Ortiz will do then the Captain...MFY classy to the end. Someone is hitting well. MFY solution: plunk 'em. Class act all the way. Too right h.b., Dark side indeed.

[Devine]

I've never been to a Red Sox game before (let alone Yankees-Red Sox), but this year I can finally justify spending the money (going to a total of seven games this year, three Yankees-Sox at Yankee Stadium including the last they play together in September, four non-Yankees at Fenway). I'll be there tonight, Sox cap and all. Take the opener, Sox.

[Jason O.]

All of Alex's photoshopped accessories must have worked, because Varitek:

1) Clearly had chloroform in his glove, When that attempt to make Alex more "docile" failed:

2) He grabbed AR's leg in a Vito-esque manner and began aggressively pulling while trying to get Alex on the ground...

Bottom Line: It wasn't the Yankees that the "Fab 5" visited...Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I find sub-humans like f. o. Tito to be somewhat amusing, because when Schilling goes up and in on Jeter, he'll applaud Red Light for being "old school."

[Griffin]

"Boorish and full of rage"?

Randy Johnson, isn't that you?

[Griffin]

Newsflash: The entire league goes "up and in" on Jeter because Captain Calm Eyes hangs his ass all over the plate.

Crowd the plate, pay the price. That's baseball.

[Jason O.]

Griffin, you're a voice of reason...Ortiz is closer to the plate in an average at-bat than Gammons is to Epstein...

Crowd the plate, pay the price.

[DenverSoxFan]

I'm all about doing whatever's necessary to brush plate-rapers back a few inches, and RJ is more than welcome to nail Ortiz and then face the wrath of Manny Being Manny.

This is going to be a great series... still, I'm only picking the Sox to win 1 game.

[yazbread]

I read Vaccaro's column. I am sorry to say that I agree with its sentiments. In essence, it laments baseball's distant past when chin music was a given part of the game. Bob Gibson and Don Drysdale are but distant memories now, nevermind Sal the Barber. If Gibson was facing a batter like Ortiz - digging it at the plate and wearing an elbow guard - he would have literally tried to kill him with a bean ball. And he wouldn't wait for the catcher to hold back the batter, he would charge the plate to finish off the job.

[Kaz]

Hey, J.O., how's "The Rhino" Zimmer doing these days after charging Petey "Spiderman" Martinez?

[Pat]

I don't know why you girls are all up in arms. Everyone knows that it was Boston's MO the last 5 years to hit Yankee batters. Any manager other than Torre would have taken care of it on the field much sooner. And look how twisted you all get when someone outside of RSN starts talking payback.

[DenverSoxFan]

yaz-

I hate elbow guards. Every time I see Bonds* taking five minutes to remove that cybernetic armshield of his before he moseys down to first after getting walked, I want to call up Selig and demand he outlaw those damn things.

[Devine]

Ortiz 2003-2005: HBP 9 times
Giambi 2003-205: HBP 45 times (and that's giving him his short year with the pituitary issue or whatever...he averaged 20 in the years he was full-season).

[Devine]

Oh, I lied. It's actually 48-6 in Giambi's favor. I have always thought that guy was all over the frickin' plate.

[Griffin]

//Everyone knows that it was Boston's MO the last 5 years to hit Yankee batters.//

Oh, bollocks. Try learning something about baseball before saying something that stupid.

Guys like Jeter and Giambi and ARod get hit a lot because they are HANGING ALL OVER THE DAMN PLATE. If you stand with your freakin' head over the middle of the plate, IT'S GOING TO GET HIT.

If David Ortiz parked his ass on top the plate the way Roid Boy Giambi does, he'd get hit too.

It's really not that difficult to understand. Even Yankee fans should be able to comprehend this.

[yazbread]

Bring back Don Baylor. He would hang that big piece of meat he called an arm over the plate (sans arm guard). And when he got plunked, he would trot down to first base, barely looking at the pitcher. He just saw it as a logical outcome.

[Jason O.]

Kaz, that was fucking hilarious.

The camera caught Zim in the stands during the last Rays/NYY series...his head was so large that I was captivated...his jaw and jowels were 2x the size of the upper half of his head.

[pawsoxpop]

If they plunk Papi that will just be another runner on base for Manny to drive in. As long as Beckett keeps his cool I think we'll be okay. Marty is funny today, but very over the top HB. I work in the heart of the Empire, and I must say the actual MFY fandom that I've come in contact with is being very restrained these days. Not one person has taunted me at my desk yet today. Uneasy are the heads that wear the moldy old 2000-model crowns...

[harwich rich]

kind of like a gerbil?

[Billy Mahty]

Question: I'm going to be in Boston the next couple of days. Any recommendations on where I should watch the games (i.e. a good sports bar where I won't get killed for not wearing a Red Sox cap)? I'm not sure what my schedule will permit, but I'd love some suggestions. Thanks.

[h.b.]

the actual MFY fandom that I've
come in contact with is being very restrained these days

Two things to note:

1) These are two Yankees fans talking with each other, no Red Sox fans around.

2) When's the last time Marty called Bill to pile it on?

;)

[BB]

Great strip today.

Jason is right on with comments regarding Ortiz and 'Captain Facemask'. If Ortiz crowds the plate R.J SHOULD go up and in - and Sox fans shouldn't bitch about it.

And Varitek - I don't know HOW you guys defend that turd.

[beth]

CHRIST i hate marty. you do a good job with that character, h.b.

[Devine]

How about the numerous times Posada didn't remove his mask in a scuffle? It's a BS reason to get upset with someone (anyone) over; that's what I don't like about it.

What do you have to say about Varitek besides: "He didn't remove his mask that time"?

As demonstrated above, Giambi crowds the plate, Ortiz does not (or at least not very much compared to many other players).

[Jason O.]

Billy,

Remember the Australopithecine mindset you're dealing with: The town shits on a guy who just 18 months before was one of the 2 or 3 the most important players in the WS run of 2004.

This World Series victory was supposedly epochal. Yet they can't applaud the guy for a few seconds before going back to the amateur-hour chanting and the 3rd grade summer camp arts & crafts signage.

And you want a sports bar in Boston where you can wear a Yankees hat? Wake up, son.

[Follower of Tito]

Subhumans? Loved that band! J.O. how did you know? Did you frequent the Rathskeller in Kenmore back in the day? Now put down the rock (the thing in your right hand)and brush the hair out of your eyes onto your sloping forehead so that you and all the other MFY Neanderthals can see that at no time has the Boston media EVER called for a pitcher to plunk an opposing team's batter. (Actually, I currently prefer the Sub-dudes).

[Billy Mahty]

And you want a sports bar in Boston where you can wear a Yankees hat? Wake up, son.

Now now.. I didn't say I would wear a Yankees hat - I'm not that dense - I just won't be actively rooting for the Red Sox.

I hear ya though. Maybe there's a Dropkick Murphys show I can catch, or in my dreams a Wicked Farleys reunion.

[americantrotter]

I occasionally go to NJ to visit the in-laws. (They're good people originally from Mass) I dont get that many looks flying the nation's colors.

A good bar in Boston to watch the game? There is always the Cask and the Flagon, although it might be a bit passionate in there. Try North Station, there are several good sports bars there. Just like at the game, if you dont run into a jerk or antagonize anyone all should be well.

[Aaron]

See, this is more like it. Things have been far too civil around here this season.

I like the Globe's response to that ridiculous "Throw at Ortiz" article in the New York (Com)Post: go ahead, morons, make Papi dive out of the way. And hopefully you'll enjoy seeing the very next pitch ricocheting off the upper deck, because that's exactly what's going to happen.

[beth]

Devine,

Remember the Australopithecine mindset you're dealing with: The town conveniently ignores the fact that their shortstop was actively picking a fight at the time AND got his ass kicked in favor of the point that the other guy didn't take off his mask.

They're supposedly the classiest fans / franchise in all of baseball--but can't answer the simple question of what A-Rod was doing in Tek's face to begin with. They also have had no answer for the Red Sox' 2004 win, so they prefer to tell US how to act about it instead.

They are morally indignant when it suits them. I hope your question was rhetorical.

[beth]

did i say shortstop? my b. should have been third baseman, since the yankees have such an overdeveloped sense of "gratitude" unlike us sox fans that they keep some other guy at short rather than put the supposed best in the game there.

[Jason O.]

How convenient Beth's memory is...Arroyo had just hit his 230th** NYY batter in only 2 seasons.

Then Varitek dons a full suit of medieval armor to save his boy from facing the music. He threw the first punch, sweetie...he can't take being called a few names??...(sniff)

Reminds me of Roadhouse:
Double Deuce bouncer: "Well, what if someone calls my mamma a whore?"
Swayze: "Is she?"

Just a moment...Arroyo has hit no batsmen in 49 IP with CIN this year? 34 hit batsmen in the last 2 seasons and suddenly nothing? Has he been working on his control or does he not want to face the music?

[americantrotter]

He wants to hit more HR's, cant do that if they're plunking you.

[BB]

Beth - A-rod was jawing at Arroyo and Captain Facemask got in A-Rod's face. Tek was CLEARLY defending his 150 lb. pitcher - who was about to get his ASS kicked - but did not have the balls to take off his protective gear while doing it, OR while shoving his glove in A-Rod's face. For that he will ALWAYS be remembered as a nutless ass-muncher.

Devine - I'm CERTAIN Posada has gone after somebody and not taken off his mask first. What's the difference you ask? The image of Jorge going after the guy is NOT the screensaver of 90% of Yankee fans. Can you say the same about Tek and A-Rod? You KNOW you can't. Sox fans don't just ACCEPT what Tek did, they celebrate it. And that's one thing (in a looong list) that makes you bush-league fans.

Aaron- I can STILL see the image of Jeter being dusted with the Globe headline - "Down goes Jeter! Down goes Jeter!" Don't tell me the Boston media doesn't celebrate Yankee Plunkings...