Lovin' 6-1 like a fat kid loves cake
Doug:
Christ, somebody went to Camden Yahds and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. Heh.
Mike:
Yeah, and the preseason rumors of Mike Lowell's death have been greatly exaggerated.
Doug:
It's only a blip, but for a guy struggling to regain his stroke, going 4-4 with 3 doubles and treating the Monstah like your personal bitch, is a sweet staht.
Mike:
And man, how about Beckett? You've so got to love the negative slope to the line graphed on his pitch count per inning: 36, 15, 12, 14, 13, then, gulp, 5!
Doug:
Guess we're going to have to live with an entire season of Beckett's early inning struggles only to be followed by total dominance later on?
Mike:
It's paht of his personality, I guess, to staht every game wired up like redneck on a weekend meth bendah.
Doug:
So if Beckett comes in like he's cranked, what metaphor should we use for poor Wily Mo Peña?
Mike:
Guy I've seen whiskey drunks who are less erratic. You know he pulled the exact same field gaffe, same spot and everything last year when he played Fenway as a Red?
Doug:
And those sarcastic cheahs when he reeled in the next two routine flies? Evidently Wily Mo thought they were for reals.
Mike:
Oh, boy, this could get ugly for the poor bastard. Every year the fans demand a sacrificial lamb and it's looking like Wily Mo could be the marked one.
Doug:
Yeah, we are like shahks smelling blood in the watah, circling, enclosing, circling enclosing.
Mike:
So how much faith do you have in the big man Wells tonight?
Doug:
Freakin' total faith. And by "total" I mean the same certainty I have that the Britney Spears kid will grow up normal, healthy, and without any brain damage whatsoever.
Mike:
Absolutely. I mean rehab stahts in Pawtucket are as overrated as protecting a baby's skull from fissures and shit. No biggie.
Author's Notes
Just wanted to give a big shout out to the guy in the picture at Camden wearing The Soxaholix t-shirt and for anyone else who showed up to the game representing the site. And thanks, too, to everyone who has ever bought a t-shirt or otherwise spread the word about The Soxaholix. Much appreciated!
Never mind, HB. I emailed you a link to it, so just check your email. :-P
Posted by: Philly Patri0t | 2006.04.13 at 05:21 AM