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Lovin' 6-1 like a fat kid loves cake

Yeah, and the preseason rumors of Mike Lowell's death have been greatly exaggerated.


It's only a blip, but for a guy struggling to regain his stroke, going 4-4 with 3 doubles and treating the Monstah like your personal bitch, is a sweet staht.


And man, how about Beckett? You've so got to love the negative slope to the line graphed on his pitch count per inning: 36, 15, 12, 14, 13, then, gulp, 5!


Guess we're going to have to live with an entire season of Beckett's early inning struggles only to be followed by total dominance later on?


It's paht of his personality, I guess, to staht every game wired up like redneck on a weekend meth bendah.


So if Beckett comes in like he's cranked, what metaphor should we use for poor Wily Mo Peña?


Guy I've seen whiskey drunks who are less erratic. You know he pulled the exact same field gaffe, same spot and everything last year when he played Fenway as a Red?


And those sarcastic cheahs when he reeled in the next two routine flies? Evidently Wily Mo thought they were for reals.


Oh, boy, this could get ugly for the poor bastard. Every year the fans demand a sacrificial lamb and it's looking like Wily Mo could be the marked one.


Yeah, we are like shahks smelling blood in the watah, circling, enclosing, circling enclosing.


So how much faith do you have in the big man Wells tonight?


Freakin' total faith. And by "total" I mean the same certainty I have that the Britney Spears kid will grow up normal, healthy, and without any brain damage whatsoever.


Absolutely. I mean rehab stahts in Pawtucket are as overrated as protecting a baby's skull from fissures and shit. No biggie.


Author's Notes
Just wanted to give a big shout out to the guy in the picture at Camden wearing The Soxaholix t-shirt and for anyone else who showed up to the game representing the site. And thanks, too, to everyone who has ever bought a t-shirt or otherwise spread the word about The Soxaholix. Much appreciated!


The Fat Man will not make it through two innings tonight. But at least we get to see what the team's long relief situation looks like.

Oh, this is good stuff.

I won't say I told you so, but how about Mahk Loretta going fronton move on that DP? AGon anticipates and then Youk sttttreeeeches for the out at first. I heard it on the radio, and still wasn't ready for it when Imelda Marcos presented it on the 10 O'clock show on NESN. These bois are slapping more leather than Pacino in Cruisin'

And then tonight, the Fat Man... well we'll see. He's a pro.


O.K. I have a baseball question here. How is it that the ball tipped into the stands is an HR against the pitcher instead of a 4-base error and an unearned run?

I'm going to the game tonight (game 1 of my 10th Man Plan). I'll be very interested to see what Curly does on the mound. Is he truly "a pro?" Or will he perform like somebody who desperately wants to be traded? My guess is on the former, if only because it affects who's interested in the latter.

Ron: It is the scorer's call. He could have easily had that as a 'four base error', but what I read was, because Wily hit the wall, (in more ways than one, it appears) the scorer ruled it a hit. I think it should have been an error. Remember when Hendu did that Game 5, ALCS?

Right as usual h.b., the nation does usually require a sacrificial lamb & Wily is the leader in the clubhouse. I still think he'll show us more than he has. Hopefully Ortiz will school him.

Wells tonight: 6IP, 8 hits, 4 earned runs, 1 BB 2K.....

The game will actually be on TV here tonight, on ESPN2, so I'm looking forward to watching it over a pizza or something. I hope Wellsy doesn't totally blow it. I think they should've traded him to a west coast team and kept Arroyo. But far be it from me to question the great Theo. If they keep winning, I'll keep grinning. :-D

But today, I have about as much faith in Wells as the clipart dudes have. Wells just wants more starts because that means more bonus cash in his pocket if he gets a certain amount of starts this season. So... yeah, he better find a way to win or I'll be pissed at him for being selfish. By the way, I stayed up all night and beat Super Baseball 2020 for SNES. See what that guy with the RBI Baseball video did to me?? Now I'm addicted to baseball video games again.

P.S. Where did Baltimore's bullpen go? They kinda don't have any pitchers anymore... hehe. And I'm sorry I can't confine my discussion to what happens with the characters, HB... I guess I just can't stay "in character", no matter how hard I try. I just wind up rambling and stuff. So... yeah, I'll be quiet now and check the comments again later.

When Michael Jackson's kids get old enough to read the paper, will they shake their heads and say: "That poor Spears kid..."??

Yazbread...Hear me now and believe me later, Wells will be huge for the Red Sox before this season's conclusion.

BTW, the debate rages over whether or not D. Jeter is a Cyberdyne systems model 101, sent back from the year 2036 to protect the human race. He plays for the Yankees now, but he's too clutch to stay confined to baseball...he may be called upon to single-handedly destroy the Iranian nuclear program after this season.

When Michael Jackson's kids get old enough to read the paper, will they shake their heads and say: "That poor Spears kid..."??

Yazbread...Hear me now and believe me later, Wells will be huge for the Red Sox before this season's conclusion.

BTW, the debate rages over whether or not D. Jeter is a Cyberdyne systems model 101, sent back from the year 2036 to protect the human race. He plays for the Yankees now, but he's too clutch to stay confined to baseball...he may be called upon to single-handedly destroy the Iranian nuclear program after this season.

// Wells tonight: 6IP, 8 hits, 4 earned runs, 1 BB 2K..... //

As long as you started the prediction train, Gary, here goes mine for Wellsy:

4 IP, 10 hits, 5 earned runs, 3 BB, 2K.

I'm more optimistic for boomah tonight, I'm guessing 9 hits, 5 ER, 6 IP, 0 BB, 5 K. With Chacin on the mound, that should be more than enough to keep us in the game, depending on how our Brand New Outfield does.

Our defense out there is going to get frightening, quick.

Philly & Sean: Yeah, I'm being as optimistic as I can with Wells tonight. I think anythng less than a run per inning will be viewed by the Sox as successful, but I won't be surprised if Yazbread's prediction comes through.
6-1.....very nice

ps- h.b., likin'the Fiddy ref in the title

Here's a little ammunition for anybody who wants to give Chacin the business tonight:


Fortunately, "Gustavo Chacin" is not the answer to any question I'd like posed, other than "Who probably won't last 3 innings tonight?"

Then again, Kameron Loe looked pretty good against the RS lineup last week.

I nearly screamed in my office seeing Loretta-Gonzalez-Youk converting that play in the most unlikely way possible. That was effing awesome. The only way it could have been better is if it had been the double play in the first inning.

BTW: That's me in the T-shirt.

BTW: That's me in the T-shirt.


I'll be wearing Arrogance next series.

Who knew Loretta had ups like Pokey?

Anyone else catch the Ten Commandments last night. Must have been filmed in 2004 cuz Moses sure looked like J$hnny Dam$n.

Hopefully, we'll all cut Wily Mo some slack. We already know the outfield is going to be a freakin' adventure for him, and we know he has strikeout problems. But he seems like a nice kid, and his naitivity about the "cheering" confirms that for me. He needs some playing time, but I can't see him getting alot unless Trot is out for a long time.

Whiskey drunks who are less erratic? A redneck on a weekend meth bender? h.b., thanks, as always, for the laughs.

Re: Jason O.'s comment on Jeter, you gotta give DJ much respect. With a game on the line, he scares the crap out of me. There's no one I'd rather see less.

6 and 1? Woo-hoo! Come on, fat man, give us lucky seven.

"I'm more optimistic for boomah tonight"

Sean O? Optimistic? Same sentence? Holy shit- run for your bomb shelters- the world is coming to an end!

As much as WIly Mo looks like he might be the one destined for slaughter at this point in the season, I picture it going a different way because a. Manny and Papi have got his back, and b. I'm thinking that, as the season progresses, the fans start to tire more of Gonzalez' groundouts to the pitchers, or Riske and Seanez' Way-Back-Wasdin impressions. Personally, I'd rather have them all perform well enough to aavoid the boo-birds, and have the fans take out their angst on the bat boy.

Shhhh- nobody tell Jason- the Wankees needed a 5 run 8th. To beat the Royals. At home. In their home opener. He's so cute when he gets all excited about Jeet-err, I'd hate to ruin the excitement...

I give 2 current Yankees a lot of credit: Derek and Mariano. That was clutch yesterday for Derek, but then again it was against Bumbachumbaix Neverheardofya, RP, Royals.

Everyone checking the scoreboard knew KC's bullpen wasn't going to hold anything other than a 10-run lead.

I gotta give Wily Mo a break. I feel bad, because unlike most ballparks (where his mistake bounces at his feet), Fenway has a really tough RF (just be glad it didn't roll down the line into that corner...).

Lowell now makes the deal to bring Beckett here look like a steal instead of a stone anchor. Another notch in Theo's belt.

Musical accompaniment for Matt's post about 'lucky seven':

Luck be a lady tonight,
Luck be a lady tonight.
Luck if you've ever been a lady to begin with luck be a lady tonight.

The version of that tune on "Sinatra at the Sands" is the best...sinatra w/count basie's orchestra, Quincy Jones arranger...and conducting some of the songs.
It's wild...Sinatra says at the end of the concert about how this young man Quincy Jones is going to be very famous...

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate Ortiz's ability to be clutch...he's like Curtis to Jeter's Bauer. In fact, they likely will be together on the team that enters Iran in a few months.

Something tells me that the guys entering Iran as uninvited guests sooner rather than later will share something in common with Youks and Kapler.

Selfishly/Foolishly I'd like the 06 baseball season to finish out before that shit hits the fan, but I know that may not be possible nor prudent.

If any Red Sox is going to lead the charge into Iran, it will undoubtedly be Ted Williams. Uncle Sam will recall Ted from deep freeze and tell him that his reserve unit is being activated. (Hopefully Iran comments remain a joke, but with one never knows with a wingnut in the White House).

Chacon off to a crummy start. KC pitchers sure to blow the lead, but niiiiiiiice for now.

......and there you go

A nuclear armed Iran is the antithesis of a joke.

If I'm running Iran right now, I'm developing enriched uranium for the sole purpose of peaceful energy production.

It accomplishes two goals: a) it peeves the US and scares Israel because the technology puts me just short of nuclear weaponry (mainly an issue of scale) and b) it means any military retaliation looks ogrish especially in hindsight when they find no arms yet they ruin the country "spreading democracy" as a final excuse for their actions.

It's a classic play from "The Saddam Handbook for Internationally Facing the Imperialistic Dogs"...and until *we* have a regime change, it's going to get used even more than a Shawn Chacon flop-sweat rag.

Iran is not a rational player. They are the Julian Tavarez of the international community.

I thought North Korea was the Julian Tavarez of the international community?

Theo should have kept Bronson and put him in the outfield. He already has two more home runs than Willie Mo. And he probably makes that catch too.

But Beckett and Lowell were great pickup, even if Hanley wins the rookie of the year in the NL, which I hope he does since he's on my fantasy team.

That DP? Wow, the infield looks like the 1970s-era Orioles ... The Skanks will undoubtedly score a lot more runs than we do this year, but I'm thinkin' we'll score just enough more when it counts...

I don't know who to compare North Korea, too. :)

But they fit the mold more of the former USSR, i.e., scared to death of invasion so wanting to have nukes as a deterent.

Iran on the other hand has made their intentions pretty clear: Kill all the Jews.

More good news:

BOSTON -- The sting Coco Crisp felt from going on the disabled l
ist earlier this week subsided a little on Wednesday when the ce
nter fielder agreed with the Red Sox on a three-year extension t
hat includes a club option for the 2010 season

Oh, and I almost forgot to comment on this:

"BTW, the debate rages over whether or not D. Jeter is a Cyberdyne systems model 101, sent back from the year 2036 to protect the human race. He plays for the Yankees now, but he's too clutch to stay confined to baseball...he may be called upon to single-handedly destroy the Iranian nuclear program after this season."

Gee, you would think by the year 2036 they could design a shortstop-bot that actually had more than one step of range to his left....

...and over the last 3 seasons:

Jeter in "Close and Late" (ie, "Clutch") Situations:
.249 Avg, .352 On-Base%, .392 Slg%

Jeter Overall:
.307 Avg, .377 On-Base%, .458 Slg%

So over the last 3 seasons he's been a much worse hitter in what is considered a very good proxy for 'clutch' situations...just sayin'

I have set up the Manny shrine. Candles and all. If he doesn't hit a home run today, it's not my fault.

...and if he does, I obviously caused it.

Pats just signed Seymour to a four year extension. thank you god

Yikes! I just glanced at the Britney thing the first time through, but now I've gone back and read the whole thing. All I can say is I think Wells has a better chance of shutting out the Jays than he would have winning a chugging contest against Ms. "Wasted Since Age 13"

So we sign a player who has played all of 5 games for us, before getting injured, through 2010? 'the hell?

We're the Red Sox, it's not like we need to lock these people up like Cleveland does because of monetary reasons. But, that's just me.

It also seems ludicrous because it completely limits our options now. What if Crisp doesn't show any increase in power, and we have the opportunity to get a great player off of free agency? Not to mention Messrs. Ellsbury, Soto, Murphy, Moss.

But, I guess if we did the trade, may as well get him long-term.

"Limits our options"? It's not like the Sox spent 52 million over the next few years for a center fielder, they got Crisp for less than half of that. Sounds like the Sox have a lot of options with that contract, not that I want to see Coco leaving anytime soon.

Sacrificial Lamb, thy name is David Wells.

Deepsub- I recommend ignoring Sean's short-sighted rants about Covelli. I think Mr. Crisp must've beaten up Mr. O when they were in elementary school or something.

Sacrificial Lamb, thy name is David Wells.

Been feeling so good about every game so far, today not so much. Kept thinking maybe he'd fool everyone, but its not looking too good. Still some time left though. But yeah, I think he's the one this year.

NV, it's cute that you're in love with me, but do you have to comment on so many of my posts?

Wells, ugh, tough game. But who knows, it's not over yet. At least Pena is looking comparatively better, so hopefully this is just the opportunity he needs.

You continue to stick your foot in your mouth because you can't get over the fact that we traded an unproven commodity for an everyday CF and leadoff guy, I continue to point out your idiocy. If you have a problem with that Sean, just do what I've been telling you for some time- Let. It. Go.

But you're right- I am in love with you.

My estimate for Wells:
4 IP, 10 hits, 5 earned runs, 3 BB, 2K

What happened tonight:
4 IP, 10 hits, 5 earned runs, 1 BB, 1K

A winnah is me. :-D

Correction -- he allowed 7 earned runs tonight... Oops. Well I was still pretty close! :-P

Late night post after digesting the game for an hour or so... I say we lose strictly because of Boomer. He sucked SO HARD for 4 innings its unbearable. So awful in the first and second and tito didn't pull him. We would have done better with Marc Deschenes on the hill. All of my happiness today was postponed knowing that boomer was gonna start. We got quality play from all of our "sub" guys ie 'Wily Mo' and Mohr and Wells just gave toronto the game. I say we win with anybody but Wells on the mound. And to finish up.... why didnt we trade Wells fatass for 'wily mo' instead of Bronson the only pitcher in the NL with two dingers and two wins. Ahh well still we are 6-2, and I shouldn't complain.

Hey HB, I don't know if you read the remaining comments in the morning from the previous day, but I have a guest strip to submit that I worked all night on... I am uploading it to my PSU web space, do you want the web address so you can link to it or something? :-)

Never mind, HB. I emailed you a link to it, so just check your email. :-P

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