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What's in a name?

What the fuck were his parents thinking? You think he's got a brother named Peter Johnson Hose?


Well his parents are obviously fucked up. How do they not know there's a 14 year old girl locked in their house, not for an hour, not for a day, but for 10 fucking yeahs?!?!


Meanwhile, I know it's not politically correct to stereotype and/or judge by appearances, but how the fuck is it that every time they catch one of these pervs they always look exactly like a guy who'd lock a 14-year old girl in a room for 10 years?


Speaking of judging by appearances, Francona officially anoints Foulke as the closah.


Yet anothah reason why I'd nevah cut it as a major league skippah. How the frig do you put that much faith in a guy who not only is coming off knee surgery to, fingahs crossed, fix his horrible '05 season but who also has yet to pitch in a game this spring?


Tito's got nads of steel. He knows Foulke's struggles are as much mental as physical, so he does everything he can to boost the guy's self-esteem. No wondah the playahs are so loyal to him.


I just hope Francona is right. I really don't relish the idea of la-dee-dah'ing through April and May with the "it's early yet" mantra. not when Toronto is retooled and ready and the Yankees are, well, the fucking Yankees. We're going to need to every single win and then some.


No kidding. With a retooled and ready Toronto and with the Yankees being, well, the fucking Yankees, we're going to need to every single win and then some.


Author's Notes
The "Thomas John Hose" bit came from this post at Fatale Abstraction.


There is a special place in hell for that guy....and I don't mean Tito.

To me, it's an uneasiness w/Foulke. I mean, at his best, he's one misplaced 85mph fastball from being pounded. Remember Papi's big hit off Keith in the '03 ALDS? At his worst, see '05. But, we shall see soon enough.

Oh, to have an assassin like Rivera coming out of the pen....

I totally agree with the whole "looking like you would do something completely creepy and pervertive." Anybody remember the scary looking Brian Peppers child molester? Enough said.

I was also starting to wonder if we should be a little suspicious about Foulke's progress with the season being ten or so days away now. I mean wouldn't this guy need MORE outings to be ready opening day? I'm just saying. Well lets hope Hansen can make a quick and impressive impact in Pawtucket and is ready for a high pressure situation if he is needed but I hope he isn't.

Whoa, that one day of glass-half-full blissout is over...now, kids on with the show.

The crossing guard guy looks a little like Billy Buckner to me, but I guess that's mixing up nightmares.


Yeah, Foulke still scares me. Especially considering he is notorious for having crappy spring trainings, and the start of the season will essential be just that for him. Add in the fact that he's having injections of WD-40 shot into his knees on a regular basis, and I think our concerns are more than justified.

Whoa, that one day of glass-half-full blissout is over...now, kids on
with the show.

Not true. It's an apples v oranges thing.

Yesterday the characters were focused on not going ape shit over seeing Damon etc. The idea, here, was that pre-2004 they WOULD have been going bonkers.

Today on the other hand, they are actually supportive of Francona. Without a doubt, if this strip had been written w/o the benefit of a WS victory, they would have been much more caustic and cynically toward the manager, probably referring to him as FranCOMA at least once. :)

But that doesn't mean the untested Foulke doesn't give them (and me!) the heeby jeebies.

H.B., did you see this news about the Wonkette?


How long will it be before we see this strip in Time magazine?

Jeez, how quickly Doug (no idea, I'm gonna assume his name is Doug) forgets him saving our ass in '04. I didn't get pissed at Foulke when he couldn't go an outing without giving up a homer, or the whole burger king fiasco, so I'm certainly not going to lose faith in him now.

Foulke just has too long of a history of of flopping and rising from the dead to count him out. Dude could pitch until he's 50, destroying fantasy teams everywhere he goes.

Doug isn't forgetting what Foulke did. Not at all.

Guess this is one of those cases where I didn't do a good job getting the point across.

Today's strip is positive, but since at least two of you saw it otherwise, I guess I fucked up.

When the strip is negative, believe me, you'll know it.

Here's a good example that kind of ties in with the opening theme of today's strip:

No fucking magma. No fucking lava.

No fuck up at all, h.b. I see the strip as positive, and the point came across clearly. Foulke was immense in '04, and even then there were more than a few white-knuckle saves. It's the nature of the soft-tosser, but it doesn't diminish what he did, and hopefully does in '06. The two in your strip today could be any two Sox fans almost anywhere having the same trepidations, or cautious optimism....the line is a little blurry.

Is it April 3rd yet? Waiting around for a season that looks more and more promising every day is torture.

Foulke doesn't inspire too much confidence yet, but I ain't skeered of the Jays.

I'm with GG. The strip was as positive as one can be about the situation ... the guy is starting the season as the closer even though he hasn't thrown in a game yet. The way I read the strip was that Francona putting the ball in Foulke's hands is a high-risk move that takes big stones. I do like the move and think Foulke can come through.

The Blue Jays and Wankees all look like people that would kidnap 14 year old girls and lock them in the clubhouse for 10 years.

Especially that CF for the Wankees, except he would lock the girls up in a cabin on the side of a mountain only accessible by helicopter, and constantly talk to the press about how awful it is all these 14 year old girls are vanishing.

Oh, and Torre would dine on their supple innards, presented to him on a bronze censer by Mel Stottlemeyer. There would lots of fire and kettle drums too.


Sorry, I guess I read Doug's

I really don't relish the idea of la-dee-dah'ing through April and May with the "it's early yet" mantra…. We're going to need to every single win and then some."

as being a little on the glass half empty side. It appears I am alone, and defer to h.b. in any case.

While one topic is "What's in a Name" and another is the Blue Jays, retooling is absolutely right. There's no better way to describe overpaid "closer" B.J. Ryan than something involving the word "tool".

And while we're on the topic of sketchy moustaches, why hasn't more been made of Sheffield's proto-pornstar 'stache? Seriously, the guy looks like he's begging to be noticed by some producer looking for the skeezy old dude phenotype.

True, the "la-dee-dah'ing" line was sort of anticipatory negativity. :)

What Doug is specifically hinting at is last year when Francona stuck with Foulke and stuck with Foulke when it was painfully obvious to everyone who was watching that something was seriously amiss, something he wasn't just going to all of a sudden or via some deus ex machina "get over" and return to 04 form.

And then there was all the denials about being hurt and the trips to see specialists...

So now when Doug, or for that matter me, hears Foulke saying he feels "great" and Francona is "happy" but there is no other data (e.g., like, you know, actually pitching the baseball), we get nervous.

Definitely I'm 100% on board with going with Foulke out of the gate. But if he's obviously still struggling mid-April, do we stick with him? How about late April? How about May? June?

If Francona has a weakness, it's sticking with guys when their hurt and/or taking their word for it that they are "feeling great" and letting them go back out to the mound with not enough rehab starts. Both Schilling and Wells fall into the latter category as well.

I know, it's in the mental makeup of these guys to have incredible self-confidence and to want to pitch every turn and then stay on the mound as long as they can, but, it's the manager's job to play devil's advocate in these cases.

Ya gotta stick with the guy who brung ya.

Late-in-the-day post (fueled by a martini...) In my eyes, Foulke is almost exactly a polar 50/50 bet. Brilliant or disastrous - he's had a season of each. Francona's the real story - the guy is the OCD-plagued zen Budda of baseball, if there can possibly be such a creature. I think he's "Brilliant!" and don't doubt him.

Hee Sop Choi.

Against all logic, I'm going to take full credit, in that Theo visits this site daily and was offended at me ragging on him. In response, he made two ridiculously awesome moves in a 5 day span, thus making me look like a total dumbass.

So, uh, Hey Theo, you prick, bet you can't 8 more championships.

Foulke in 2004 post-season: Nads of steel.

Rivera in 2004 post-season: Meltdown.

I'll take the soft-tosser, thanks.

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