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Lack of Power

In the spirit of making the most out of what you have …

Hart Brachen (blog/strip author):
OK, Hart here, so last night I lost power at my humble abode for 6 hours or so, and this morning I have no internet connection from home forcing me to transmit this brief bit from one of Dick Cheney's secret bunkers. (Yeah, he added my retina scan to the entrance list and shit. Big fan of the strip and all.)

 

Hart Brachen:
Meanwhile, I do believe our beloved, esoteric, unofficial fête known as "Truck Day" is to occur on this coming Monday, and, in honor of the occasion, I created a commemorative t-shirt that I may or may not choose to unveil and sell to you, the fickle public.

 

Hart Brachen
See, it's like this: The design is, er, lacking. Let me put it this way, if the designs Chris and Emily create at The Red Seat are Major League quality, well, this one I did is Rookie Advanced short season at best.

 

Hart Brachen:
I mean it's the kind of t-shirt you might see hanging at a Marlboro smokey, deep-fried-Oreo smelling, truck stop off I-95 somewhere in North Carolina hanging on a rack between the Dale Earnhardt and "These Colors Don't Run" t-shirts.

 

Hart Brachen:
With that said, it's not nearly as bad as, say, the typical Olympics Mascot, so who knows. We'll see how I feel on Monday.

 

Hart Brachen:
Meanwhile, if you're going through Soxaholix withdrawal, I suggest revisiting one of my personal faves: "How long you been a Yankees fan?"

 

Comments

Yesssssssss....
Truck Day is Monday.
Woo Hoo.

I would like to say that the "RS disrespcted me" lament of JohnNY D. is as tired as a dog who has been chasing his tail for 9 hours. The latest SI has about 600 words of that horseshit. A little recent history: The RS lost out on Bernie Williams only 4 years ago, because the Yankees decided to pay him $12-13 million a year for four years. Did the MFY get value out of Bernie for the last 2 years ($25 million) of the contract? Hell no.

Spend smart, RSN. We see you in October.

Fuck, that fucking Yankees strip is fucking hilarious and fucking shit like fucking that.

Mrs. GreatOne has the over/under on the upcoming hockey tourney at Fenway. Call 1-888-Coyot99. You can also get action on whether Manny takes any faceoffs from the BC centers.

C'mon Hart get that power hummin' Too much good stuff slidin' by!

Loved the retro clip. If you could run the "No fucking magma" clip someday that would be awesome. Truly one of the funniest things I ever read. The best part was what happened after that clip. Thanks for all the great clips it keeps me laughing in Chicago.

Which is the colder and darker place, Brachen?
Your 'humble abode' without power,
or your Yankees fan-hating soul?

If responding to an old Yankee fan's feeble attempt at humor with a wisecrack about father-son incest makes for one of your 'personal faves' I'd say, quoting your character, Doug -
"It's as though we were on the same field, playing different games."

Why would you, via your characters, go that dark - twice?
So much for frivolous antagonism, and the matching of wits between baseball rivals.
Even if that strip was meant to be ironic humor, that was vile, dude.

C'mon Hart get that power hummin'

Are you kidding me, this bunker is swank. And a whole frig full of mesquite smoked bacon. (Sshh, don't let Dick's doctor know!)

No porn, though. That kinda sucks. I'm sure Cheney's got a stash somewhere...

How long have I been a Yankees fan?

Long enough to know that if you're forced to choose between being fucked and being a Red Sox fan, you run over to CVS and buy a few cases of KY jelly without blinking an eye...

Why would you, via your characters, go that dark - twice?

Twice?

Oh, my, we've gone that dark a shitload of times.

Season 1 of Soxaholix was over the top. (Indeed, I've heard around the blogosphere that a lot of people think I've lost my edge.:)

"Long enough to know that if you're forced to choose between being fucked and being a Red Sox fan, you run over to CVS and buy a few cases of KY jelly without blinking an eye..."

Huh. I guess that comfirms my previously unfounded belief. All MFY fans like it in the ass.

Two tickets to Sox/Yankees game at the Toilet: $100

A year's worth of domain name registration and hosting for Soxaholix.com: $100 (guessing)

Causing Yankees fans to recoil in shock and revulsion: Priceless

Just curious: do you have a yearly or monthly archive page skullking around here somewhere? I've never seen a link to one, but I could be missing it. Sur ewould be nice to be able to revisit Soxaholix Greatest Hits easily.

Just to clarify: I was thinking an archive page along the lines of one page with links to all the strips, as opposed to the monthly archives. I should've made that more clear.

That flashback reminds me that the strip seems to be lacking in profanity the last few months. I like fucking profanity, please bring it back.

+ Regarding Archives:

1) I used to have them by individual post, but that got too long, so I swapped it to monthly. I've just added to my "to-do" list a note to see if there is some way I can better format that archives page (e.g., columns) such that I can go back to the individual archives by date/strip.

2) Already on my to-do list is to add a sidebar module featuring "the best of" with links to 5-10 of my faves and/or your faves.

+ Regarding the profanity (or lack thereof);

Yes, I started to consciously use less of it midway through last season for a couple of reasons, one of which is I didn't want to seem too much under the shadow of "Get Your War On." GYWO was, of course, a big inspiration to me, but I wanted to try and move in my own direction.

This drop in profanity use was then exacerbated by the Wall Street Journal piece. They never came out and explicitly said to try and limit it, but, I'm smart enough to know they were already way out on a limb just doing a feature on a site like this, so didn't want to push my luck.

Since then I've more or less been in a "few sprinklings of f-bombs etc" here and there mode.

I'll try to bring a bit more back.

While you're bringing back the profanity, might as well keep the father-son incest jokes coming. That sort of imagery seems to appeal to Red Sox fans, and whatevah fiah's up the ol' fanbase is what mattahs most, righty-o?

Thanks hb, I sort of knew that getting a wider audience had to do with the cutting down on the f-bombs. It's a tough call to make but fwiw, the original style really brought that great Masshole attitude to the place. For a guy like me who's been away for 20+ years, that actually meant a lot. But hey I totally get the issue, it's a balancing act.

Right, the characters are supposed to represent, albeit often in a hyperbolic/caricatured manner, several different types of real Red Sox fans.

The characters, as they are, skew toward a more "white collar" demographic, because it's set in an office. But FWIW I have always intended to introduce some more blue collar characters as well, I just haven't been able to get to it yet.

It's really the lack of appropriate/matching clip art that is the problem. As far as filling their speech bubbles, I'm not too worried about authenticity there based on the numerous labor-intensive blue collar jobs I've had myself over the years. If anything, that's really where I learned about launguage and fan stories and such.

Anyway, my point is that, yes, profanity is a pretty big part of the typical Red Sox fan dialog be it in the office or on the Chelsea produce docks.

The characters in the strip, too, are losely based on people I've met over over the years (though they are actually combinations of several different people, with a dose of the fictionalized/idealized tossed in).

It's worth pointing out (for what feels like the bazillioneth time) to readers like "Babe" that you, as the reader, are privy to a very private conversation between two Red Sox fans. They speak exactly what's on their mind and, yes, sometimes it can be shocking.

And the character of Doug, in particular, is the kind of guy who would say something nasty like "since Daddy fucked me" out loud at Yankee Stadium... Or would he? Did he really say that or is he just pumping up the bravado/machisimo as a way to impress his buddy/co-worker?

Food for thought, eh?

Holy shit Babe- let it go. Or, in keeping with the new tradition- If you don't fucking like it, don't fucking read it.

I think, by Jason O.'s logic, that all Yankees are fucked. Sounds about right.

Jeez, why read it if it's pissing you off or disturbing you? As though no Yankee fan ever said anything so disgusting vis a vis the Red Sox.

Hey, h.b., I don't know if I'm/we're allowed this much insight into your character's thoughts, but are any of them uncharacteristically optimistic or pessimistic about the upcoming season or are they approaching it as ever? I don't know why I'm asking. Just sorta curious, I guess. I mean, I think Bill (was it Bill?) was optimistic after the Crisp signing, but I don't remember much besides that.

might as well keep the father-son incest jokes coming. That sort of imagery seems to appeal to Red Sox fans

Not at all. The sort of imagery that does appeal to us, however, is that of Yankee fans throwing hissy fits. So by all means, keep it up.

... but are any of them uncharacteristically optimistic or pessimistic about the upcoming season or are they approaching it as ever?

Good question.

Like most of us Red Sox fans, their optimism/pessimism is like the New England weather, always changing.

In general, Mike is the most optimistic overall by nature, and Doug the most pessimistic.

"Like most of us Red Sox fans, their optimism/pessimism is like the New England weather, always changing."

Nailed it- though I like to think of myself as more of a glass-half-full kinda guy- Sean O's antithesis I guess ;)

Speaking as myself, I'm generally optimistic on the macro level of looking at any given full season, but I'm totally pessimistic at the micro level of actually watching a game.

How 2004 played out definitely helped me with regard to the latter (while also taking probably 15 years off my lifespan during the ALCS).

The most difficult thing about writing the strip is when I feel optimistic but I know I need to have at least a few of the characters representing the pessimistic view, since it's out there, and vice versa.

On the other hand, sometimes it's really fun to go outside my own thoughts and become the mirror image.

Babe, how come you're always writing in a Boston/NE accent? I mean, you're a Yanks fan, right? From which I'd assume you're not a New England native (or at least not from northeastward of Hartford). So, what gives?

Hey, check out this Yankees fan.

"Like most of us Red Sox fans, their optimism/pessimism is like the New England weather, always changing."

Heh. I think the biggest single swing in optimism/pessimism I ever had (leaving aside certain moments of the 2004 ALCS) was in last year's final game against Toronto (just before the last Yankees series). It was 4-1 Blue Jays, I believe, and I'd written off the season. We had been staying late every night and working every weekend at my office for months, and I was a swearing, heartbroken wreck. Then Manny put us within one. I could feel my poor little heart start to feel the tug, and, I admit it, I almost hated that I had hope again. But Ortiz brought me back. As Sean O, the perennial pessimist, said afterward, "Forgive me, Papi, for I have sinned."

Random interlude: just once this year, I want Manny (assuming he's there, though I'm pretty sure he will be) to be the big hero who hits the homer in the bottom of the 9th to snatch victory from defeat. Ortiz can be Superman every other time (hell, he can hit the single that gives Manny his shot). Just once, let it be Manny...and I better be watching. You hear me, God/Universe?!

http://www.soxaholix.com/tp/images/37icon-troll-small.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: center;">
Brachen,

troll dunce cap

Did I ever make you privy to the private conversation I once had with a Red Sox fan in a Los Angeles coffee shop a few years ago? Long story short, I'll cut to the Red Sox fan's punchline, which was delivered, while I was making small talk with him. Just above a whisper he informed me, (his exact quote) "Mo Vaughn is a nigg**."

In the spirit of keeping the strip "real" and "edgy" a la "Doug" the toilet mouth, you could introduce "Joe" the racist coffee shop guy.

Just because real people everywhere say disgusting things like "Doug," that doesn't necessarily mean such comments make a comic strip funny or enlightening. But that's your call, sir.

NV: Like? nonsense...I was merely envisioning a catch-22 moment brought on by our dear host's character's "office bravado." Lesser of two evils, my good man...

For the sake of argument, let's assume Ryan's gravity bending stupidity is valid, and that all Yankees fans are fucked.

In that case, the entire collective writings of the last 5,000 years of human history describing the worst suffering possible still can not fully describe Red Sox fandom....

We have the islamofascist flag roaster?
You guys have Doris Kearns Goodwin.

(I should apologize for that last one, I realize it's not possible to sink any lower. I've violated the Geneva Conventions)

Just because real people everywhere say disgusting things like "Doug,"
that doesn't necessarily mean such comments make a comic strip funny or
enlightening. But that's your call, sir.

Sure is my call. That's sort of the point of having your own website and what makes the "anyone can publish" aspect of the web/blogs so cool.

And I'd suggest the popularity of the site and the media accolades suggest that, you know, it's more than just me who likes it.

As others have pointed out, if you don't like it, just stop coming by.

But that's just it isn't it? You're a troll; it's what people like you do. You can't help yourself.

Yeah, the Goodwin thing was going too far!

Heh. :)

Yeah, the Goodwin thing was going too far!

Heh. :)

Hah- I know you'd come up with some sort of justifying response for that, Jay. You have to admit, though, that making a statement like that on a Red Sox board is akin to painting a target on your chest (or screenname, as it was). At least you formulate your POV with articulation and insight, unlike the other MFY fan who pollutes this site with their presence. As I've said before Babe- www.nyyfans.com . I'm sure they would appreciate your oh-so-clever "accent" and tips on site content much more.

Wow, nice photo h.b. That's irony on a number of levels.

Boy, you really got to the yankee trolls with that one from the archives. Pretty funny, I've never seen them so riled up. Speaking of which, have you ever given thought to bringing in a more craven yankee fan to complement Marty? Seems like whenever the yanks are doing well, Marty calls to gloat, but when they do poorly, he's rarely heard from, or at least his gloating is slightly more subdued. While that's typical of most yankee fans, what about the annoying coworker yankee fan? Surely Bill or Doug has to work with one of these annoying jerks, like a lot of the fans here. I think having them dropping one-liners on them from time to time would resonate with a lot of people who, for various reasons, don't have the wherewithal to do it in their own situations.

And incidentally, how did the Soxaholix get mixed up with a rube like Marty anyway?

...and how did a strip about not being able to do a strip generate more comments than i've seen in weeks? you've really got somethin here, hb...

Since then I've more or less been in a "few sprinklings of f-bombs etc" here and there mode. I'll try to bring a bit more back. >

Are you for real? You actually think the WSJ was concerned with your rate of profanity? That's comical. Instead of saying you'll bring back more profanity, why don't you just let it flow naturally from your characters when it's realistic and necessary. Show some balls in the form of integrity instead going for LCD. You're too talented not to.

Oh, Marty, thanks, so, so much for the tips!

Wow. Am I ever grateful. How did I get this far without your thoughful advice?

I'm guessing you also know shitloads about baseball, too, and I'm willing to bet you wish Terry Francona would check in with you from time to time seeking your input?

Man, we are really lucky to have such sagacious fans as yourself among us in Red Sox Nation.

Everybody, let's put our virtual hands together and clap in unison as a tribute to Marty.

..and how did a strip about not being able to do a strip generate more comments than i've seen in weeks? you've really got somethin here, hb...

Well, confession. I owe it all to, Marty, above. It was his idea. He's got the "balls," you see, to pull something like that off.

As a eunuch, there's very little I can do in that department, so I rely totally on the cleverness of fellahs, like Marty, who are packing the serious funk up front.

might as well keep the father-son incest jokes coming. That sort of imagery seems to appeal to Red Sox fans

Not at all. The sort of imagery that does appeal to us, however, is that of Yankee fans throwing hissy fits. So by all means, keep it up.

Hah- I know you'd come up with some sort of justifying response for that, Jay. You have to admit, though, that making a statement like that on a Red Sox board is akin to painting a target on your chest (or screenname, as it was). At least you formulate your POV with articulation and insight, unlike the other MFY fan who pollutes this site with their presence.

All this hating is fucked up. And the person it hates the most is the person doing the hating.

Well, thank you for that Oy! You have show me the error of my ways. If only I could express my gratitude for you taking time out of your busy day to reprimand me on a message board. You're absolutely right- I should just tolerate the short-sighted, long winded rants from some dipshit MFY fan and not say anything. Wait a minute- no. Instead, how about you take your holier-than-thou insight and shove it up your ass.

The sarcasm sure is thick today...

h.b.:
Thanks for the flashback...it wasn't just the language that was darker in the pre-October'04 World. I was the last to comment on that strip, and the other thing I remember now is that the Yankee fans that night were gleefully chanting "They/Don't/Want/You" at Nomar all game, and it was a particularly gloomy time for Sox fans. Of course the next night Nomar sat out while Jeter made the most overhyped catch in history (imagine if it had been as good as the one that Pokey Reese made that same game). I actually did make it back to the Toilet that season for the Friday night game in September when Manny stole the hr from Cairo and Rivera warmed up for October by blowing the save.

And given that Babe S. started coming here to be a tougue-in-cheek MFY-fan-troll, it's pretty funny to see him throw a hissy fit over that old strip. And since Babe S. feels that you need to add a racist Sox fan to 'keep it real'; maybe he could better represent the typical Yankee Fan in the bleachers at the Toilet by referring to David Ortiz as a gorilla...just like they do. People in glass houses, Babe...

As a eunuch, there's very little I can do in that department, so I rely totally on the cleverness of fellahs, like Marty, who are packing the serious funk up front.>

Very tough talk from a guy (?) hiding behind a pseudonym. You're brachen my hart, sweetie.

h.b.'s comment from that old strip:

"This is a rotten season so far; but sometimes, I like my fruit a little over ripe. This all just may work out."

Give yourself a huge pat on the back for that one, h.b. Or should I say......Nostradamus?

Thanks, AJM.

I'm not only a tought talking eunuch (who knew there could be such a thing?), but I also have uncanny powers of prognostication.

LOL

Seems like you've got a comment section, and when you don't like the comments, you get pretty sensitive there, Hart. Never this all sensitive side. You against people offering respectful criticism?

You against people offering respectful criticism?

My responding to a guy who says I don't have any balls by confessing I'm a eunuch and tyring to make a joke out of it is being "pretty sensitive."

If, so, yeah, that's me all the way.

I mean you'd be sensitive too if you were a castrati.

Could be worse, I guess. I could be like poor Hedwig with the angry one inch.

Heh.

FWIW I usually am not much of a commentator on my own site, especially on weekends. I'm just stuck here today doing my taxes, argh, and finding it a pleasing distraction.

OK, time to go peel a grape for the sultan. A eunuch's work is never done...

Sick as hell this weekend.

Personally I come to the soxaholix primarily for the non-baseball content...sort of like reading Playboy for the articles.

I thought "Doug's" statement in Yankee stadium was funny as hell, BTW. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're an ass.

Last year you wrote in this strip http://www.soxaholix.com/tp/2005/02/the_suddenness_.html
that no one knows when Truck Day is, but this year you tell us it's tomorrow. How did you find out? Hopefully tomorrow we'll see the Truck Day t-shirt design to go along with trucks heading south for the spring.

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