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And when we find ourselves in the place just right

Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
Hey, here's one for ya, A dyslexic walks into a bra …

 

Doug:
Hah. Good one, Arturo. Didya heah the one about the shortstop who complained about the ball bouncing too much in the field?

 

Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
Unbelievable. Not sure why exactly the shortstops on the opposing teams didn't have any difficulties with snaring the mysteriously bouncing ball in the hole, but what the frig do I know? I'm just the hot dog guy.

 

Doug:
But, hey, at least now Renteria's going to a place where he can be "spiritually calm" because, you know, in his own words, "God doesn't let his children get roughed up."

 

Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
I guess Edgah must have missed that paht where God has his only Son beaten, stabbed, tortured, crucified and left to die on a cross for three days?

 

Doug:
Well, you know, that shit's easy to miss because it's not like anyone evah mentions it in church or the Bible or anything.

 

Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
Yeah, St. Sebastian shot full of arrows, St. Catherine on a torture wheel, so on and so forth … guess they all missed the memo from God that faith is all about "feeling comfortable."

 

Doug:
Absolutely. All those silly fools getting thrown to the lions when all they needed to do was ask for a trade … Speaking of, didya heah Tejada is now denying he evah asked to be traded?

 

Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
Let's see … Dominican supastah playah asks to be traded then says, no, I didn't mean that, I love it right where I am. Hmmm, nevah heard that one befoah. Bet Manny is all pissed now, he had his bags all packed and everything.

 

Doug:
Yeah, when they told Manny Baltimore was right next to Washington he was all, "Yes! I love the West Coast. Can't wait to ask Ichiro to go to the big mall with me!"

 

Arturo, the hot dog vendor:
'Tis the gift to be simple …

 

Comments

So he had a bad season because:

a) He was hurt
b) The infield wasn't up to his standards
c) God felt it was time for him to learn how it feels to suck

Geez, what a clown. I'm glad the Sox spent $20 mill so he could had a spirtual experience on the field.

I know I should get with the Red Sox corporate way and hate on Renteria now that he's going, but I just can't. I like the guy and wish him success in his future exploits. As for Manny-for-Miggy, I'm all for it. I'll call the both of them, then Assangelos and the Sox GM platoon and see what I can do to make it happen.

Yo, biotches.

Welcome to my world. Don’t make me go all Pulitzer on yo sorry asses.
I ran that Hannukah lovin’ Theo out of town, and now I’m bringin’ him back through that door. That’s what I do now. That’s power, mofos. The power of the goddamn pen. LL will be Lucky to have a job as a greeter at Walmart once I get done wif him.

ds

A fine strip today.

"Hannukah lovin'?" If that didn't cross the line, it was straddling it.

I hate Illinois nazis....

Hey is Arturo based on Che-Chi, sausage guy for BC as well as Fenway? Best street vendor sausage in Boston...try the secret sauce!

Rent stole my excuse for being such a lousy basketball player. Damned bouncing balls.

I'm with da kine, seriously, it's one thing to hate on a guy who was a dick *and* a bad player (cue Mike Lansing), but why hate on a guy who said he enjoyed his time in Boston, and the fans? I mean, I don't think the infield thing carries much water, but then again I've heard stories of other major league infielders complain about the playing conditions at Fenway.

"When true simplicity is gained"

And if that doesn't describe Manny, I don't know what does.

"Then by turning, turning we come 'round right."

There it is - Theo WILL be back.

I hated on Renteria before it was cool to do so.

I never thought he should come here and he proved that all season. There are errors and there are "whooops!...eh, who cares". Rent never looked interested in playing the game well. Manny has his moments like that, but he also has his "bring it" moments too.

I'm right there with you, da kine. You know that he was due to rebound this year. What- was he actually gonna have a worse season? I think not.

I have a few "gut feelings" about the Rocket's supposed interest in coming back to Boston:

So he could make 12 starts with an average of three weeks between them and have eight of them be against the MFY where he gives up an average of twenty seven runs per game.
Convince Papelbon to gain 40lbs and seek his release to another AL East Team.
"Accidentally" step on Schilling's ankle every time he sees him.
Finish what he started with Manny in the '03 playoffs.

It seems weird that they dug up Fenway last winter and replaced the reportedly horrible surface with an even worse one. I think Edgar is a quiet cerebral guy who had a hard time with the Fenway honks. MR24, in contrast, is a tabula rasa.

Lou

I can assure you that Arturo and Doug should not be perceived as "hating on" Renteria because of what they say in today's strip.

If there's any "hating" going on, it's much more subtle than that, i.e., I saw the story on Renteria as yet another example of the media giving celebrities a free pass when they make statements that don't make a whole lot of sense.

For instance a few months ago I saw Claudio Reyna, of US Soccer fame, on ESPN make the statement, "Soccer is more popular than baseball in the US" and a whole lot of other crap and the reporter just lets him go on and on. Why? What's the friggin' point in having "journalists" if in the end they just act like publicists and/or props for the athlete cum celebrity.

You see this all the time outside of sports, too. Celebrity A will say something like, "The world is going to end in 2 months because of such and such..." and the reporter just nods his/her head and accepts it as fact because, I guess, celebrities are just so cool and shit that they don't have to actually operate in the world of facts or ever have to defend their beliefs.

If Carl Everett wants to believe dinosaurs didn't exist, whatever. If Renteria sees his God as his personal valet and/or concierge at Club Med, whatever.

But you can bet the characters in the strip will most likely make fun of such statements given the chance.

Thanks for adding some hilarity to my Monday HB-- once again.

This one was priceless:

when they told Manny Baltimore was right next to Washington he was all, "Yes! I love the West Coast. Can't wait to ask Ichiro to go to the big mall with me!"

To paraphrase the great man himself: "I don't believe in geography. I believe everybody makes his own destination."

h.b.,

I guess that makes Matt Lauer akin to Tim Russert for his takedown of Tom Cruise's inanity on the Today Show?

Oh man, what has this world come to when we only have Matt Lauer to turn to for our hard-hitting celebri-journalism.

There are some significant problems in the world. I hope they are not caused by God spending too much time finding a good place for Edgar Renteria to play baseball.

Amen, Pond.

I think Renteria is a class guy as well, but the specter of million-dollar athletes claiming that god takes a personal interest in their sporting careers is an enormous pet peeve for me, possibly the biggest. Whether it's Schilling or Kurt Warner or T.O. or Renteria makes no difference to me, they all get the same response:

"There are hundreds of millions of people in this world who are forced to drink out of the same rivers they crap in, and you think Jesus gives a flying f**k about whether you scored a TOUCHDOWN????"

(insert sport-appropriate phrase in place of "touchdown" as necessary.)

Same thing for Rap stars. Somehow, I doubt the Creator cares that you just won an emmy - so don't bother thanking Him for it.

No comment on our new co-GMs? If they were the ones pulling the trigger so far this off-season then I'll say I think we are in good hands - all four of them.

Jason O., the sensitive artist all of a sudden?!? gimme a break. Yeah, 2005 was a whole lotta waiting for Renteria to come around. He had his moments but dang, twas a disappointing season for a class act. Dirtdogs ragging on him sure didn't help matters none. Fuq those blohards, raggin a guy right outta town... So Manny wants out? If the O's are stoopid enough to trade Tejada straight up, do the deal. Otherwise tough tiddlywinks, Manny. We'll see your whiny ass in Fort Fuqqing Myers unless you wanna fork over $40 mils to buy out your big bloated-ass contract.

I'm specifically glad that Cherington's one of the guys. Obviously I can't claim to know the inner workings of the front office, but he's always been credited as the farm system guy, and of everything Theo and the Theoettes have done the past few years, I think the rededication to building a strong, deep talent pipeline has been the area where they've shown the greatest success. I'm glad he's getting his due, and that we have a guy in place who seems to be as focused on building a strong farm system as I would like the team to be.

This strip is just too funny.

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