« Nothing Could Be Finer | Main | There's Lost and then there's lost »

That little sound

Mike:
You putting any credence in these "Theo may come back" rumahs?

 

Doug:
Well, if there were anything to it, you can fahgetaboutit now that Shaughnessy wrote about it. It's the fucking kiss of death.

 

Mike:
Ah, classic CHB. Note how he writes all distant and innocent and shit.

 

Doug:
Yeah, the Shank's all blinking his eyes like he's just awoken, "What happened here? Why isn't Theo the GM? I'm just a simple unfrozen caveman sportswriter. Your negotiations frighten me. I don't understand why you just don't offah the job to Theo Epstein?" No fucking mention that Shaughnasty himself was in the core of the Cat 5 shitstorm.

 

Mike:
I love the psychoanalysis, "Bet he's having second thoughts about that decision right about now. Bet he'd listen if the Sox reached out." How 'bout, bet Theo would laugh his ass off if you got the bird flu, Dan-Oh?

 

Doug:
With the newspaper industry shitting away money and readers like they've eaten a bad chicken burrito, you'd think they'd offah Shaughnasty early retiahment to cut their losses a bit.

 

Mike:
No way, because when the Globe sits down to take a shit and the toilet seat is cold and the Globe makes a little sound to distract itself from the cold feeling on its ass … well, that little sound is Dan Shaughnessy.

 

Author's Notes
The "cold toilet seat sound" is inspired from the "December 15, 1996" entry inWenderoth's Letters to Wendy's

Comments

Now that is serious wrath. Note to self: Never get on hb's bad side.

Tremendous Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer reference.

As sure as Jim Rice should be in the Hall, Rivera was robbed.

Send Shaughnasty to The Washington Evening Star and give him back his seat at the Hawk and Dove.

Oh, the Star went out of business in 1982. Cool. Let's see if we can maintain the momentum.

What a fuckin' mess.

Note to self: Theo ain't comin' through that door...

Anyhow, isn't Louge Whoreman still on the payroll? That will suffice with the other Baseball Men RSN has.

yic,

So now the meddlesome, gossiping yenta who helped drive Larry and Theo apart is trying to play matchmaker again with this meshugga suggestion of an evening of cabernet, T-bones, and make-up nooky? Oy vey.

Would Shaughnessy also hover obtrusively by their candle-lit table playing "Heart and Soul" on the fiddle?

(words by Frank Loesser, music by Hoagy Carmichael)
"Heart and soul, I fell in love with you
Heart and soul, the way a fool would do,
madly
Because you held me tight
And stole a kiss in the night

Oh! but your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling
Never before were mine so strangely willing..."

I think this is CHB's attempt to avoid a life like Nicholas Cage leads in "The Weatherman."

Love the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer gag, that never gets old. Ah, back when SNL was *funny*...

Man, somedays I wish I could write for a character to express my thoughts so succinctly as these guys do. Especially so on days when the topic of discussion is CHB.

Maybe he's having a Groundhog Day...

This is ridiculous...to hope against hope and know at the same time you're being taken on a long slow ride to nowhere.

Luccino should know we think this is a democracy. King??? I didn't vote for you.

I think CHB is rattled and fearing for his life. Not one Springsteen or Dylan quote. Not one reference to Dean Wormer or Delta House. Not even one mention of the "C" word. Just a desparate plea to Theo to forget that LL ever trashed him in that space. I wonder if he's worried about being "Bartmanized" when he goes out in public? One thing for sure: there will be no statues in Fanuel Hall...maybe his face on some dart boards though...

Good God- Dirt Dogs has officially turned into a gossip corner with all the idiosyncrasies of a hight school girls bathroom. While I will definitely listen to anything Gammo has to say, it is negated by CHB's article. What rampant bullshit. I agree with Rick Pitino (via louclinton)- if theo does walk through that door it would be smoke and mirrors, and Lucky Larry would be the man behind the curtain.

"Anybody out there ever break up with a girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife? Any of you ever get back together a few days later?"

That happened to me once which was great until I found out that she had been sleeping with the same asshat the whole time. Which is exactly what will end up happening in the Shaughnessy-Lucchino love affair. It's okay though, NV in SD taught me how to look at the positive side last week.

Question: When the Globe sits down to take a shit is it reading the NY Post -- and wiping with the Herald?

I must say, the Globe is shockingly more adept at creating melodrama and sustaining this soap opera ("As The Globe Turns"?) than even the silliest NY rags.

I mean, Jason Blair fabricating stories for the NY Times is one thing,(facts-shmacts, bitches) but he was FIRED after he got caught "nailing the pooch."

Shaughnessy gets exposed "turning tricks" for the most-hated baseball executive in Boston (betraying the most-beloved baseball exec in town) -- and his paper has the unmitigated audacity to inject him into the continuing saga.

I wouldn't be surprised if the Globe starts running Shaughnessy every day, twice a day, with a special late-afternoon edition.

"What will he write next? Read all about it, bitches! and talk all about it, too, so we sell more papers!"

You can't make this shit up.

Babe,

You'll see that when it comes to having any sort of journalistic spine whatsoever, the Globe fails time and again. When Mike Barnacle got nabbed for fabricating a story, he stared down the buttoned-down editor-in-chief Matt Storin and got himself a two-month suspension, just after another columnist (who happened to be black) got herself fired for doing the exact same thing. After the predictable backlash from within and without, Storin finally found some stones (must've been the way the wind was blowing) and managed to finally cut Barnacle loose.

The Globe is the Dan Rather of print newspapers, haughty and self-assured in their gravitas and respectability and completely oblivious to the fact that nobody takes them seriously. That they continue to peddle themselves as having "one of the best sports pages in the country" while continuing to publish CHB is prima facie of their complete lack of contact with reality.

Can't recall what I was talking about yesterday, let alone last week pond, but happy to help.

Perusing the Globe these days makes me feel sorry for Bob Ryan and Gammo (by association) to have their names associated with the rest of those skanks. What *used* to be a shining example of sports writing has turned into a filthy tabloid- full of rumors, innuendo, and name calling and devoid of any actual content.


Things could be worse, I guess- we could have Murray Chass or Mike Lupica writing for it...

Curly Haired Boyfriend.
Werner gets kid job. Owes one?
No matter. Seems fishy.

November 14.

I predict that the MVP will be Big Papi this year.

This will be due in part to the need for MLB to make headlines (First DH MVP Evah!) in the early off-season.

Thanks for the info and insights, Illegit.

NV,
You can criticize how Chass and Lupica write, or what they say about your team (I'm guessing they've ruffled your BoSox somehow), but have they ever perpetrated anything close to what that hack at the Globe is doing now? The way I see it, Chass and Lupica have nothing to do with the panic and vomit on Yawkey Way.

Now, a few words from Mark Twain:

"It has become a sarcastic proverb that a thing must be true if you saw it in a newspaper. That is the opinion intelligent people have of that lying vehicle in a nutshell. But the trouble is that the stupid people--who constitute the grand overwhelming majority of this and all other nations--do believe and are moulded and convinced by what they get out of a newspaper, and there is where the harm lies.
- "License of the Press" speech

"I am personally acquainted with hundreds of journalists, and the opinion of the majority of them would not be worth tuppence in private, but when they speak in print it is the newspaper that is talking (the pygmy scribe is not visible) and then their utterances shake the community like the thunders of prophecy."
- speech, 2/1873

Thanks for putting words in my mouth, ass face. Read the post- I said nothing of them perpetuating the Theo Saga. If anything, I was implying that if Chass and Lupica were also writing for the Globe it would without a doubt be the worst sports section in all of America. Those guys don't just spout off nonsensical drivel about the Sox, but any and everything else. If you believe otherwise, your perspicacity is in a sorry state of affairs.

Like it's been said on several occasions in this space Babe- stick to humor. Anything else and you're looking for comparisons to BigBri and an argument. Remember- the address of this site isn't yankaholix.com (though that might come in useful for you there, hairypalms)

NV: It's was your rant on Yankee fans: ". . . followed by him approaching you, putting his arm around your shoulder, and saying "It's ok bro. Things will work out for you . . ." Reading that was quite possibly the highlight of my life.

FWIW: Five years into the post-MFY century, there are already signs of the pseudoliterary "woe-is-us" approach to Crankee essayifying. It was at least 30 years or so between Sox championships before you started seeing weird nonsense like this item from the Village Voice "The Freuds of Summer" positing that being a Spankee fan springs from a deep-seated "denial of death."

http://www.villagevoice.com/nyclife/0545,essay,69766,15.html

The empire may need its own "stinkeeholix" blog to combat this odious trend...

Ah yes- thanks for the compliment pond.

Stupid MFYfans...

Hey Kaz, I wouldn't bet against Slappy getting the MVP. Even if MLB needs publicity, it will probably get plenty whether it's the first DH evah or the first clutch chokah evah to get the awahd....

"Ass face" and "hairy palms"? Such bush league insults from a heavy hitter like you, NV?

I don't mean to excite you again but I've been told that I my face looks sort of handsome (and not in an "ass-ish" sort of way either), and I assure you my masculine, expressive palms are hairless.

I understand you want "stupid mf Yankee fans" like me to be funny all the time, as you are so funny here all the time. It's like everything you say is hilarious to me.

Maybe I could say something funny about your screen name. Let's see, it's "NV in SD," right? NV, hmmm. Hey, that sounds like envy. How about I call you "Penis NV (en-vy! get it?) in SD." Would that be funny enough for a comedic genius like you? Maybe it's not as funny as "ass face" and "hairy palms" but I'm trying to go with the program here.

Here's a critique of a Lupica article from about a month ago--http://firejoemorgan.blogspot.com/2005/10/more-new-york-stupidity.html
Good site for insightful commentary on idiot sportswriters/announcers.

The comments to this entry are closed.

The Soxaholix eBook Spinoff

The captivating and long awaited Soxaholix eBook spinoff is finally available!

There's No Crying in Pocket Pool

cover

Purchase at Amazon.

T-shirt

Logo t-shirts now available, several colors, even pink.

'Soxaholix logo t-shirt

Ticket America

Ticketamerica.com has Boston Red Sox and Texas Rangers tickets. Buy Cubs and Cardinals baseball. View Patriots, Ravens and Giants schedules online for Boston.