Juicy Couture

Mike:
I hope you're sitting down for this news: Giambi named AL "Comeback Playah of the Year"

 

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Susan/Circle:
Ah, jeez, can we go ahead and give Kate Moss a D.A.R.E. sanctioned trophy for being a good role model for kids while we're at it? C'mon people. Think.

 

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Mike:
And people wondah why Red Sox fans are arrogant and why we think we're smahtah than all the othah fans combined. Hello!

 

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Susan/Circle:
The supreme irony, of course, is that if Giambi or anyone else had admitted to, say, hitting the 420 chronic bud aftah every game, the feds, the fans, the MLB would throw the war on drugs book at him.

 

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Mike:
But cheat by using a performance enhancing drug and it's all "Juicy Giambi come on down and see what you've effin won! Whoo hoo, America!"

 

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Susan/Circle:
If there's one consolation in this screw job it's that at least Giambi didn't thank the Almighty Jesus for his miraculous recahvry.

 

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Mike:
Hey, who the frig needs divine intervention when you've got "The Whizzinator"? I mean talk about your "Intelligent Design,"

 

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Susan/Circle:
It's the Parable of the Prosthesis.

 

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Mike:
Ask, and it will be given you; Seek, and you will find clean, dehydrated urine for the righteous ones.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Let him who has nevah tested false positive, cast the first whizz.

 

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Comments

[Bob]

I don't think Jason O. falls into the a-hole, BigLie, Yankee fan category at all. Most of the time he offers insightful dissenting opinion. (albeit, with the occasional overwrought Latin lesson). I think his mistake today was ripping HB for utterly nothing. I wonder if BigLie got to Jason O. from his Illinois basement headquarters. The whole Jason thread seems so, so...forced today.

Wind update from Fenway: currently SSW at at a hardy 17 mph. If I'm not mistaken, that directly blowing from the left field pole across to the Pesky Pole.

[Jason O.]

Red Sauce, as they say in the South, I shit bigger than you.

[Bernie Williams]

Hi, Pudge, Bernie Williams again.

Thanks for your letter. And to the rest of you Ded Cox fans, sorry if I don't respond to all of your comments and questions. Just so you know, I find them all very amusing and quite helpful.

Pudge, no doubt Tim Wakefield is a knuckleball wizard (sing it: he's a knuckleball wizard there has to be a twist, a knuckleball wizard's got such a supple wrist. how do you think he does it? i don't know. what makes him so good?)

Pudge, no question Wake's a wizard, but I recall a game earlier this season when the ChiSox knocked the snot out of him (perhaps you turned it off!)

Just looked up his line against Karl Rove's ChiSox this season and it goes like this:

1 win, 1 loss, 12 innings pitched, 16 hits, 9 runs, 5 home runs, 6.57 ERA, .314 average against.

Seriously, is Derek Lowe available tonight?

[Bob]

My bad. Actually, SSW at 17 MPH means it's blowing approximately from right-center field to home plate. (I'm not a weatherman, I just play one on TV).

[h.b.]

Definitely agree that typically Jason O's comments here are a welcome addition.

I just tend to have a short fuse when it comes to being accused of something falsely, particularly when I try to be so forthright (when asked or it comes up) about both the genesis of a particular strip and the character's motivations for saying what they do.

It reminds me somewhat (and on a much smaller scale of course) of when readers of the Harry Potter series will insist on something like "Snape is really a vampire." And Rowling will come out and say, "No, Snape is NOT a vampire." Yet people will persist. Jeez, if the friggin' author says something about a character, you might want to believe him or her.

Of course, Jason O is free to do a "deconstruction" of my text and suggest that my motivations are resonating from a deep subconscious level that even I, as the author, do not have access to or control over. But then you're getting into literary theory territory. And if you're going to do that, I'm of the opinion that you need to have a better sense of the entire Soxaholix oeuvre, if you will, and I've seen no evidence of that from Jason. And even then, it'd be conjecture at best for a reader to say he/she knows better than I what is inside my head.

[Jason O.]

Giambi's constitutional right to privacy was violated by the people who leaked his testimony, and the media crack whores (sorry, outlets) who published it.

The contents of that leak, if true, portay Giambi as the only person to have told truth about steroid use in the entire MLB spectacle. Giambi dug himself a massive hole and has no one to blame for his problems but himself. As I've said before, he might still be indicted by the BALCO grand gury and he will have no sympathy from me.

I do not believe he has used PE drugs in 2 years, primarily because he has faced at least a few days when he was not sure if the brain tumor was malignant. If I am wrong, then he should be prosecuted.

I understand the arguments: Invalidate/adjust his numbers, kick him out of MLB, et al. Put your RSN partisanship aside and think on a philosophical level: Is there such a thing as redemption? Can a man atone for past mistakes?

[NYSoxfan]

Bernie, you were always a class act... except when you used the Red Sox to get more money from the Boss when you signed this long-term deal. But I forgive you...

[NV in SD]

Thanks for the compliment soxfan97. I'd say I enjoy this site more than Surviving Grady, if only because the posts here are actually read and responded to, and a bit more intelligent, whereas SG can be more of a free for all at times. Red and Denton sure do give me some hearty belly laughs though. Speaking of SG- when are we gonna see "Soxaholix: The Book", hb?

Bernie- What exactly would Pedro and d-lowe be coming back from? They both had great years last season. Petey has been consistent all year, if only because he's facing pitchers three times a game and an entire league of batters who have never seen his stuff before. D-Lowe has had flashes of brillance this year, but inconsistency has been the name of his game. I've never said come back to either of them- Petey is nasty, but the AL east as a whole definitely knew exactly what he had. That coupled with a questionable shoulder makes me think he's better off somewhere else. Like I said during the offseason. Three years, sure. Four? Thanks for everything, buddy. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. D-Lowe's yo-yo impersonation had become tiresome to fans and the front office.

[h.b.]

Speaking of SG- when are we gonna see "Soxaholix: The Book", hb?

Believe me, this is an angle I'm going to begin working very soon.

Glad to hear this is still evidence that you, the readers of the site, would be interested in that. Makes my story easier to pitch to a prospective agent and/or publisher.

[pawsoxpop]

Bernie,
No doubt about it, you are a fine Yankee, and one of the best ballplayers of the 1990s. I would love to see you sign another longterm, megabucks deal with the pinstripes this winter too. Best of luck.

[Bernie Williams]

Thanks again for the props, Pops.

As much as I'd love to continue my run with the Yankees (and as much as I'd love to use the Red Sox as my agent to mug Mr. Steinbrenner for another long-term parking deal), I've been advised that a really cool cat named Johnny Damon will try to fill my shoes in the lineup next season.

This Johnny must have a great arm because I hear the Yankees are paying him big money to come here. Not Alex Rodriguez money, but more than enough to sustain Johnny's hooker habit.

I'm also told Johnny's signing an incentive-laden 3 year deal with the Yanks as a giganterrific "F.U." to "the ungrateful, penny pinching bosses on his current team."

And word is, Johnny won't be playing centerfield. It'll be Hideki in center and Johhny in left. Isn't it great that he's changing positions and taking less money to come to the Yankees? He'll be batting 7th too, behind Cano. What a guy! Sounds like he'll be a "true Yankee" someday.

I'll be happy to welcome Johnny to the team, wish him luck, and take him to one of the many fine barber shops in the Bronx.

As you might have read in one of the Yankee obsessed gossip columns (also known as the sports pages)in Boston, Mr. Steinbrenner doesn't approve of the hippy dippy thing so much.

Best to you,

Bernie Williams

[pawsoxpop]

Hey Bernie, glad to see you're giving up on the 2005 season already. Have lots of fun fantasizing about Johnny Nitro on the Spanks. Maybe I can sell you the Brooklyn Bridge too. Now see ya. I've got a game to watch.

[Bernie Williams]

Who's giving up on '05, Pops?

You'll see me playing winning baseball for a few more weeks. Next week, I'll be one of the guys on your tv set (#51 on the Yankees - we don't need nametags) playing the ALCS against that team from Chicago that favors white hosiery.

Best,

Bernie Williams

[h.b.]

FYI: I more and more think I may go to a comments "approval" system as the signal to noise ratio seems to be in decline here.

I worry the numbers of daily readers is reaching that tipping point where the comments area is losing its original appeal.

On the other hand, I really don't want to burdened with having to approve every comment that comes in.

Just thinking out loud...

[Billy Mahty]

h.b. - I agree a Soxaholix book would be a great move for you. I already can see it flying off the shelves in Boston. And that will increase your daily viewership here too, a double bonus.

Moving to an approval system is a pain in the a**, for you as much as everyone else. There's a few other things you might consider.. some blogs make you become a member, and don't let you post for the first 48 hours of membership. This seriously diminishes trolls. And then of course you can cut off memberships if necessary.

Another thing you might consider is making it more of a blog-type atmosphere, where people could start threads on different topics. This would make all the nonsense that doesn't apply to the day's strip wash away. But that would be a big change.

[AJM]

Hey Bernie,

Is it tough trying to play baseball with a giant fork in your back?

[Patti]

Congrats Boston fans for your good year. I know you guys are down right now but it was a heck of a season with much to be proud of. 131 days to spring training.

[Devine]

Well, I never thought they'd win the big one...but I thought they'd do a bit better than THAT. Well, next year then.

[NV in SD]

Well, it still hurts- just not as much as it has in the past.

Till next year...

[NYSoxfan]

As a wise man once said, it is better to have loved the Sox than to have ever been a Yankee fan... hold your heads high.

[sox fan in NY]

Bases loaded, no outs, a pitcher throwing way outside, and nobody could even walk...

Well, at least I'll sleep better than was possible last October.

As for Giambi - didn't he start improving when he started getting the cortezon (I think it was cortezone) shots for his shoulder?

I'm wondering if cortezone is simply an excellent masking agent.

It's a sad day when that disgrace to baseball gets any award - I want to know why he's still playing. Maybe a special soxaholix shirt could be produced pointing this stupidity out.

[Yanks Fan]

Why dont you guys stop bitching about Giambi.Your'e all a bunch of sore losers.The mighty Evil Empire rules again.1st place after being written off by almost everyone,especially Dan Shaughnesy and big mouth Miller"were going to the series boys".Yea as spectators.What happened to the high and mighty Schill.He couldn't pitch in a do or die situation.Back to Your old cath phrase"Maybe next year"