HDTV volume muted, AM radio on

Today at 4pm it begins anew …

Mike:
Playoff baseball is the most awsometastic time of the year with one glaring exception: Having to enduah the dipwads in the national TV broadcast booth.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Oh, no! Today's game is on ESPN. Does that mean Joe Morgan? Joe frickin' Morgan! Please. I am a good person. Why does God hate me?

 

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Mike:
Er, actually, you are neithah a good person nor a theist.

 

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Susan:
Well, while both of your claims may be objectively true, my point still stands.

 

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Mike:
Absolutely. Joe Morgan is so shockingly dumb that by his very presence in the booth he numbs the entire country.

 

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Susan/Circle:
It's not just that he says something stupid any time his lips move … I was out of town this weekend and was forced to listen to Morgan during Sunday's game. Morgan could hahdly contain his hatred for Red Sox fans.

 

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Mike:
Morgan can't even be original or profound in that regahd, since we are universally hated. You know for being so condescending and literary.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Ah, right, the other monstah, the green-eyed one which doth mock the meat it feeds on.

 

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Mike:
Meanwhile, I love how we're supposed to feel sorry for White Sox fans because they're overshadowed by the Cubs and admire them for their Midwestern values of "suffering in silence."

 

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Susan/Circle:
They remind me of eunuchs in a harem. They know how it's done. They've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

 

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Author's Notes:

Today I dipped into an old standby, Tom Steele's The Book of Classic Insults. The "so shockingly dumb … Mike uses comes from Gore Vidal speaking of Ronald Reagan ( p. 147). And the "eunuchs in a harem" insult from Susan is lifted from Brendan Behan's description of critics (p. 50).

And the early exchange between Mike and Susan about being neither a good person nor a theist is lifted from the always entertaining Rita of the Nobody Sasses a Girl in Glasses blog.

Comments

[pawsoxpop]

Better get Bronson warmed up. This reminds me of Clement's 6-walk game against Baltimore. He won that one, but I don't think the White Sox will be as cooperative with the one-out grounders...

[COD]

//I had a dream last night that the Sox were up
10-1 after the first inning.//

Unfortuntely, you failed to specify which Sox...and you were almost right. I'll go give up 5 runs in the first for the major league minimum, then Theo can use the found money to shore up the bullpen.

[pawsoxpop]

Well now it's too late for Bronson. Let's hope Clement settles down and the "lit-up" Contreras we know and love replaces the "lights-out" Contreras everybody's been talking about ...

[NYSoxfan]

I take it back, Kev. I take almost all of it back... c'mon Sox, show these boys how it's done! do it for the Kapler!!

[Devine]

Ugggggghhhhhhhh...I was wroooooooooooooonnnnnggggggg!

[pawsoxpop]

OK folks, don't panic. Now it's a battle of the bullpen. If we can average two runs an inning and hold them right here, we'll win. Hey, the Padres almost did it, and they don't have Manny and Papi...

[pawsoxpop]

Battle of the bullpen...we need to get them out here and score a crooked number next inning to make it a battle of the bullpenS ... then we've got 'em...

[NV in SD]

Fuck Matt Clement, and fuck Tito for not pulling him in the third. He was throwing horseshit meatballs from Pitch One. Anything that wasn't over the heart of the plate was in the hitter's legs. I guess that's what I get for taking a late lunch to watch the first few innings...

Must. Contain. Rage.

[NV in SD]

OK- I just punched my boss and now I feel a lot better.

If there is one encouraging factor here, it's what pawsoxpop said, and they're the Padres. If we can stop pressing so much and actually get this fucker to throw some pitches, maybe we can get to their bullpen and ours will hold up.

[pudge]

My brother told me we shoulda left Bradford in. Nah, I want him strong for tomorrow. But I do agree with him that Clement never shoulda been left in. He's not watching, but I am, and TiVo assures me that Clement is simply not hitting his spots. Period. And that means he should have been pulled earlier.

Really, it's a simple rule: not hitting your spots, giving up runs, get pulled.

[pawsoxpop]

If I'm Tito, I put Mr. Clement in the bullpen and give Bronson or Papelbon his next start.

[RichardG]

Morgan is noticeably OK when he talks about hitting or about infield glovework. Anything else, and he's useless.

Listen to him talk about setting your feet to throw, or about how to hold off on a pitch and you'll hear the HOF 2Ber.

[Ice Princess]

Yazbread you jinxed 'em!

[Ice Princess]

Let's Go LAAOA!

[pawsoxpop]

Well if you're only going to score two runs, you might as well give up 14 as give up 3. I believe the White Sox will wish they could have a few of those runs tomorrow when they get a double thumpin' from Boomer on the mound and the Booming Bats of Boston...

[2 tix 4 sale]

sorry for doing this, but i figured someone might want these tix:

mention you saw this on soxaholix, and get free shipping

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=6567317298

[Kaz]

Re: tix4sale

I hope Fenway busts you for scalping.

[Kaz]

OMG...tix4sale is josh blue from Surviving Grady's comments?? Un-freakin-believable that you'd try and drum up sales by spamming in the blog comments and for 500+% mark up...

Please turn in your Red Sox Nation card at the door on the way out.

[dj]

you gotta see this dvd--city of champs best of boston sports. it has all our local teams with great music mixed in. didn't think they made things like this.

[Dr. J.M. Fay]

White Sox fans deserve better than McCarver and Buck. C'mon Eddie, what's up?