Stop, Drop, and Roll
Marty:
Hi, this is Bug Selig calling to say we want the 2004 trophy back because we now realize how bad you Sawx suck. [Sound of mocking, evil laughter]
Bill:
Right on time, Mahty, calling when the race tightens.
Marty:
Well, you know, Billy, one is the loneliest number, and that "1" in the loss column is making me want to reach out and share what it feels like to root for a team that can go on an extended hot streak.
Bill:
The race is on, Mahty.
Marty:
On? The only thing "on" is you on drugs if you think it's on. It's over, baby. Foulke is toast. Schilling's God has forsaken him. Damon's held together with bondo and duct tape. Face your own music. Which by the way sucks as well. Dropkick Murphys? What a joke.
Bill:
You forgot somebody, Mahty, maybe your subconscious is blocking him out due to the psychic pain, but his name is David Ortiz, Yankee Slayah.
Marty:
Sure as shit, Callaghan, you must be cooking meth up there on the Back Bay your mind is so addled. Have you noticed how your Big Papi's homers have gotten shorter and shorter? Soon those late inning blasts that are covering up for how bad your guys really are, will be nothing but routine warning track put outs.
Bill:
Wow, measuring Ortiz's homahs during highlight reels? Sounds pretty desperate to me, Mahts.
Marty:
The other thing with Ortiz is he's become so full of himself, flapping his gums about how he deserves the MVP? Meanwhile, the real MVP just quietly goes out and gets his job done, day in and day out. That's called class, Callaghan, something you know nothing about.
Bill:
The remaining schedule still favahs the Red Sox.
Marty:
Oh, right, facing the surging Yankees in the final 3 is great for you. [Laughing] One team can't wait to play everyday while another team is crying about a lack of a day off. Some advantage, eh?
Author's Notes
The majority of Marty's lines were taken from posts in the "Pessimist's Thread" on Sons of Sam Horn.
//pawsoxpop, I was wondering if anyone else here remembered Rico falling down as he rounded third.//
It was a little before my time, but I'm pretty sure it was Luis Aparicio, not Rico Petrocelli, who stumbled rounding third in front of Yaz in '72.
Posted by: AJM | 2005.09.20 at 09:43 AM