Stop, Drop, and Roll

Marty:
Hi, this is Bug Selig calling to say we want the 2004 trophy back because we now realize how bad you Sawx suck. [Sound of mocking, evil laughter]

 

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Bill:
Right on time, Mahty, calling when the race tightens.

 

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Marty:
Well, you know, Billy, one is the loneliest number, and that "1" in the loss column is making me want to reach out and share what it feels like to root for a team that can go on an extended hot streak.

 

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Bill:
The race is on, Mahty.

 

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Marty:
On? The only thing "on" is you on drugs if you think it's on. It's over, baby. Foulke is toast. Schilling's God has forsaken him. Damon's held together with bondo and duct tape. Face your own music. Which by the way sucks as well. Dropkick Murphys? What a joke.

 

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Bill:
You forgot somebody, Mahty, maybe your subconscious is blocking him out due to the psychic pain, but his name is David Ortiz, Yankee Slayah.

 

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Marty:
Sure as shit, Callaghan, you must be cooking meth up there on the Back Bay your mind is so addled. Have you noticed how your Big Papi's homers have gotten shorter and shorter? Soon those late inning blasts that are covering up for how bad your guys really are, will be nothing but routine warning track put outs.

 

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Bill:
Wow, measuring Ortiz's homahs during highlight reels? Sounds pretty desperate to me, Mahts.

 

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Marty:
The other thing with Ortiz is he's become so full of himself, flapping his gums about how he deserves the MVP? Meanwhile, the real MVP just quietly goes out and gets his job done, day in and day out. That's called class, Callaghan, something you know nothing about.

 

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Bill:
The remaining schedule still favahs the Red Sox.

 

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Marty:
Oh, right, facing the surging Yankees in the final 3 is great for you. [Laughing] One team can't wait to play everyday while another team is crying about a lack of a day off. Some advantage, eh?

 

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Author's Notes

The majority of Marty's lines were taken from posts in the "Pessimist's Thread" on Sons of Sam Horn.

Comments

[oy]

Two words: "straw man." Yankee fans realize the Sox are in the driver's seat. And we're proud of how our guys have played the last three days.

It's easy to ridicule the Devil Rays, but since the All Star break they've shared the major league batting title with the Sox, and for whatever reason they've had the Yankee's number all year, in particularly annoying ways. But the Yanks won the first game with 17 runs, scored all their runs with 2 outs in the 2nd game, and scored when they had to last night.

Three run HR off the catwalk in the 5th when already down 2 to 1? Hit a grand slam in the next inning, and then follow with a 2 run homer before the inning's over.

Yes the Sox have a better schedule, have led most of the season, have fewer pitching injuries than the Yanks (Small, Chacon, Leiter and Wang?) and close at home, where they're very tough. And in the 86 games the two teams have played the last 3 years, they've bludgeoned each other into a 43 and 43 record, so no one wants to go into Fenway needing a sweep. But we like the way our guys are playing.

[DenverSoxFan]

Good strip today, Hart, but my inner punctuation Nazi must nitpick. There's no apostrophe in "Dropkick Murphys". :)

[h.b.]

Thanks, Denver. Fixed.

[Jason O.]

To the quality folks at soxaholix:
"Aequam memento rebus in arduis servare mentem"
(Remember when life's path is steep to keep your mind even)
-Quintus Horatius Flaccus (Horace)

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

"That's called class, Callaghan, something you know nothing about."

I'd love to hear Marty spin the ballslapper's performance on the first base line last October into a classy play. I heard David Duke is running for president again and could use someone to help with his PR.

Marty epitomizes the fairweatherness of most Yankee fans, completely MIA during those summer doldrums but right up in everyone's face as soon as their team strings together a few wins. They're like locusts, with just a few generous applications of the theme from "the Natural" and they start buzzing all over people's faces and being a massive nusiance that even vast amounts of pesticide can't eliminate.

[Bob]

Just a little reminder to keep the faith:

"For the 86th consecutive autumn, the Red Sox are not going to win the World Series. No baseball team in history has recovered from a 3-0 deficit and this most-promising Sox season in 18 years could be officially over tonight. Mercy."

CHB, October 17, 2004

[h.b.]

Yep, it's difficult to ever buy totally into the pessimism after what occurred last year.

At the same time, I, personally, can never ever completely shake it either. It's a character flaw.

[Jason O.]

Come on hb, Marty is actually an early 60's Dean Martin. As Sinatra used to joke: Dean has a strict rule when you go to his house in Beverly Hills...no drinking after dinner. Of course, you don't eat until 2:30 in the morning, but there's no drinking after dinner!!!

[oy]

Marty epitomizes the fairweatherness of most Yankee fans, completely MIA during those summer doldrums but right up in everyone's face as soon as their team strings together a few wins. They're like locusts, with just a few generous applications of the theme from "the Natural" and they start buzzing all over people's faces and being a massive nusiance that even vast amounts of pesticide can't eliminate.

I'm a Yankee fan. Does my post at the top in any way correspond to your generalization? No.

Can you point to one of the Yankee fans you're talking about? I doubt it.

You won last year, your in first place this year, and you still have this Yankee chip on your shoulder. It's bizarre. No other fans, including Cubs fans, are like this.

[oy]

Marty epitomizes the fairweatherness of most Yankee fans, completely MIA during those summer doldrums but right up in everyone's face as soon as their team strings together a few wins. They're like locusts, with just a few generous applications of the theme from "the Natural" and they start buzzing all over people's faces and being a massive nusiance that even vast amounts of pesticide can't eliminate.

I'm a Yankee fan. Does my post at the top in any way correspond to your generalization? No.

Can you point to one of the Yankee fans you're talking about? I doubt it.

You won last year, you're in first place this year, and you still have this Yankee chip on your shoulder. It's bizarre. No other fans, including Cubs fans, are like this.

[Jay]

A-Rod on the slap play-"I thought it was a smart play, and we almost got away with it." Definitely a classy player. Anyone who ever makes such a comment should not be allowed to win MVP.

[h.b.]

Don't ever compare us to Cubs fans.

See here

[Bob]

Oy -- I have to admit you and Jason are smart, fair, avid Yankee fans. We can not only deal with that, we enjoy your contributions and views. However, for every Oy or Jason, there's a BigBri. I don't think I have to say anymore than that.

[NV in SD]

I hate Marty.

What happened last night? Where was last Saturday's Schill? I think this 30 consecutive game stretch at the end of the season is biting deeply into our boys. Tek, God love him, is completel, utterly lost at the dish right now. It hurts to watch him- last night it was almost to Bellhorn-esque proportions, as in I was almost expecting him to strike out (which he has been doing at an alarming rate recently).

The Sox kryptonite, as executed to perfection last night by Oakland, is the never-before-seen rookie. Seriously, this is getting riduculous. Aces, schmaces- all a team needs to do is call up their pest pitcher from AAA and they will more likely than not stymie us. This has got to be one of the most frustrating trends over the past few seasons. I think this year we're something like 7-11 vs the rookie class, and tonight, we've got another one. Here's hoping that the ESPN feed, which will allow me to watch the game at my house, and a national tv audience will be a boon for an obviously banged-up, exhausted Red Sox team.

"You won last year, you're in first place this year, and you still have this Yankee chip on your shoulder. It's bizarre. No other fans, including Cubs fans, are like this."

Obviously you don't understand, oy. Deep in the heart of every Sox fan is a festering, boiling hatred of the Yankees. It manifests itself differently in each one, from the college-age "Jeter sucks A-Rod" T-shirt wearers, to the grandmother who sneers every time she sees a MFY cap. It is a part of us that will be with us for as long as we root. And comparing us to Cubs fans? How gauche. We are "cousins" but they have no reason to hate the MFY. Plus, they haven't won a WS in, like, 94 years.

[m3x]

How about when Ortiz steps up with Bellhorn playing second and Embree pitching in those late innings during those last 3 games?

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Can you point to one of the Yankee fans you're talking about? I doubt it.

I can name one here, BigBri, and I can point to three or four people I shared a beach house with this past summer. Turning up an obnoxious yankee fan is like turning over a rock looking for ants.

You'll also note I said "most", because like your compatriot Jason O. here, there are definitely exceptions (i.e., real baseball fans who happen to be from New York, not brokers and perpetual boro losers living vicariously through the 26 championships of their adopted team).

Much like people complaining about OUR fairweather fans, I'm annoyed that I have to hear from people who only talk about their hometown team when their hometown team is on the upswing. Would I call that a "chip on my shoulder"? Not hardly. I do get annoyed at their overinflated sense of history and grandeur, though. With the way they spin it, you'd think the Yankees invented the game, were the first team to play it and the only team to win a pennant. They milk the history angle after every home run, as if Giambi's juiced warning-track-flyout-turned-homer is somehow a result of mystique and aura and not chemistry. They sell it as a class organization, having people shave and trim their hair, and then bring on guys like Sheffield and Giambi who embarass the very game with their antics. If I have a chip on my shoulder, it's from yankee fans who think championships from bygone days make their club greater than any other. It's just not so.

[pudge]

It's easy to ridicule the Devil Rays, but since the All Star break they've shared the major league batting title with the Sox

And that explains the 3-6 record the Yanks had against the Rays *before* the All-Star break? :-)

and for whatever reason they've had the Yankee's number all year, in particularly annoying ways

Not annoying to us Sox fans. :-D

[pawsoxpop]

Wake up everybody! The boys will knuckle down and win a good one tonight, the MFY win streak will stop, they'll drop, and we'll be the ones on the roll next week. Yes, this is the scary part of the show, but this is not a rerun of 1978. I am enduring the Mahties of the world with a smile, because I know that in another two weeks, I'll still be rooting for my favorite baseball team, and they'll all be griping about Chad Pennington and Eli Manning.

[Hamulack]

Is the Sox-Yanks rivalry almost entirely an artifact of the change from two division to three in 1998? Prior to '98 everyone in Boston would have said their #1 rival was the Yankees, but so would have everyone in Baltimore, Detroit, Cleveland and Toronto. Asked about a rival, the imperious Yankees would give the Bronx cheer.

Since '98 with a division of a paltry four teams (5 if you count Tampa) the Sox and Yanks are clear rivals.

[Aaron]

Hamulack, I don't know about the rivalry being a product of the divisional realignment, but it's certainly intensified it. The other great factor intensifying the rivalry has been the introduction of the wildcard, simply because the Sox can now play the MFYs in the playoffs, which was logistically impossible before.

I gotta admit, the team looks tired and worn out by this schedule. If they can just fight through the next six games, however, they'll finally have a day off on Thursday. The struggles worry me, but I have to say I just don't feel the sense of panic I would've felt in previous seasons.

[h.b.]

Is the Sox-Yanks rivalry almost entirely an artifact of the change from two division to three in 1998?

Oh, gosh, no. It really does go all the way back to Frazee and not just the sale of Ruth but the selling off of nearly every good Red Sox player to the Yankees during the 20s. The first Yankees WS victories were made possible in large part by the former Red Sox on their roster.

Then there's the late 40s, the 50s DiMaggio/Williams competition, the blood feuds between Munson and Fisk in the 70s, 1978, of course, and then '86 which wasn't Yanks but another New York team which adds to the general Boston v NY antagonism, on up to the present.

One could argue that it wasn't much of a "rivalry" until very recently, as the Yankees mostly came out on top, but the animosity runs long and deep.

It's worth noting, too, that the Red Sox haven't always lost in the end, even if you don't include last year.

Here's something from Art Matone that I always keep on hand for these kinds of trying times:

The Yankees always win except...

Except, of course, for 1946, when the Red Sox won the pennant. And 1948, when the Sox knocked the Yankees out of the race on the next-to-last day of the season. And 1967, when the Sox finished first and the Yanks finished ninth. And 1973, when the Yankees were favored to win the A.L. East but instead lost 14 of 18 to the Red Sox and finished fourth. And 1974, when the Sox swept the Yankees in a doubleheader at Shea Stadium and knocked them out of first place for good in a race they wound up losing by two games. And 1975, when the Yanks were again favored to win the division but lost three out of four to the Sox at Fenway in late June to fall out of first place for good, and three out of four to the Sox at Shea in late July to fall completely out of the race. And 1986, when the Sox finished off the Yanks -- and everyone else -- with a September sprint they are allegedly incapable of (capped by a 7-2 win in the Bronx on a Friday night that buried the Yanks once and for all). And 1987, when the Sox knocked the reeling Yankees out of the ring by winning two of three at Fenway from Sept. 7-9, dropping them 6 1/2 games out of first and out of serious contention.

There's your rivalry...

[hamulack]

Same's true for the tribe, Hank, who, btw have a much better record against the Yanks in the post season.

I think it's the big fish in the AL East pond...

[hamulack]

All due respect h.b., how does selling Ruth to NY make NY respect BOS as rivals? Maybe Boston should start worrying about the big Twins rivalry for finding the greatness in David Ortiz.

Hating smug, dumb, fat-cat New Yawkuhs doesn't a rivalry make. It's as natural as breathing, but it's not necesarily a rivalry.

Lot's of years there's lots of head-to-head wins and losses that are memorable, but in the end, sweeping Tampa while the Sox struggle to pull out two in Toronto will be just as important.

There's

[h.b.]

All due respect h.b., how does selling Ruth to NY make NY respect BOS as rivals?

One side need not respect the other to have a rivalry.

By definition, a rivalry is the state or condition of antagonism.

Maybe the Yankees have never felt antagonized by anyone (though I don't think that is true for a second), but the antagonism on this end goes way back.

And, sorry, I just don't buy into the idea that Cleveland and Detroit et al view the Yankees the same way Boston fans do. Nor do Yankees fans view Detroit, Cleveland or anyone quite they way they view Boston.

Did you see the looks on people's faces at Yankee Stadium not just last year but in 2003 as well?

The Indians would never inspire that kind of collective grimace in Yankees fans.

[Devine]

Just want to say it's nice to see the intelligent Yankee fans in the world on this strip/blog. But there have been a number of douchebag NY-ers who have given me shit for walking around in my Sox cap this year. That's not to say that there aren't douchebag Sox fans. Douchebaggery is the nature of many humans, from all walks of baseball fandom.

[hamulack]

Would you agree that there used to be a healthy rivalry btw the Red Sox and Cleveland and Detroit before the division was gutted? Wasn't it interesting to see the Birds give everyone a run for their money? I'd just love to see us be able to spread the hate.

And do you realy think that if NY gave it up to Cleveland after going up 3-0 it'd be, "got to hand it to them, they're a good club.. this must be their year"? If NY was 5 outs and three runs away from getting knocked out and came back they'd say "we knew we were going to beat Detroit the whole time." Get real. When you start mythologizing the rivalry and imbuing it with supernatural qualities because of the Bambino or the perenial second place, you start sounding a lot like Mr. Aristossel.

[h.b.]

Would you agree that there used to be a healthy rivalry btw the Red Sox
and Cleveland and Detroit before the division was gutted?

Just not the same. You can't really understand it unless you're one of us. I hate to pull that "It's a Red Sox thing, you wouldn't understand." But it is.

As for mythologizing, hell, yeah. That's part of the fun.

Fercrissakes you're talking to a guy who gives voice to imaginary characters. Of course I mythologize. :)

[hamulack]

I've been outed. I've only lived here for 10 years, so I don't feel comfortable calling myself a Sox fan. My kids are fans... I just follow the team.

BTW, just below the state or condition of antagonism in my American Heritage I see the act of competing or emulating.

And keep up the good work.

[Follower of Tito]

I have to say my favorite propogator/proponet of the MFY/Red Sox rivalary was the original Pudge. I love hearing Rem Dog and others talk about Fisk's genuine dislike for the MFY.

It actually pains me to hear folks like Olerud and Wells (and even Johnny D) talk about 'mutual respect', etc. (Mostly because they don't want to burn any bridges down the road....if the Sox don't pick them up next year).

I have a lot of respect for some MFY players of old who respected the game.... DiMaggio, Mantle, Ford, etc., and a few who respect it now. While I don't care for them, Jetter, Matsui, Williams and even old Jughead behind the plate seem to respect the game. It is the trash-talking, game-disrespecting Mercs that I can't stand.

I think it might be time to see what Mr. Hansen can do with the big boys and let Foulke go home at eat some more Burger King and watch the game on NECN.

[pawsoxpop]

The Sox used to have a very healthy rivalry with the Orioles. They blew a big lead in '74 and held onto their lead in '75 even after Earl Weaver hired a witch doctor to put a voodoo curse on the Sox. I remember being just as upset in '72 when the Sox lost by a HALF GAME!!!!! to the Tigers (strike-shortened season - Luis Aparicio falling down rounding third) as I was any other years they came oh so close. But from a Sox fan's perspective, the rivalry with the Yankees is much more intense because in the old days they kept us from our goal so many more times than the other teams did, and in such excruciating ways. Then the CHB wrote the "Curse of the Bambino" book and gave all the MFY fans and national sportscasters something to taunt us and torment us about. But that's all over with now. We finally have an ownership and management that will not handicap us year after year. No more drunk Tom Yawkey nixing a Jackie Robinson or Willie Mays signing. No more brain-dead and vindictive Don Zimmer burying some of his best players on the bench because he doesn't like the music they listen to. And tonight the winning streak starts with Wakefield...

[h.b.]

Truth is I can find something to dislike about every other team that is not the Red Sox.

But on animosity scale of 1-10, with the Yankees, "it goes to 11" as they'd say in Spinal Tap.

[hamulack]

Wakefield's your stoppah... there but for Mirabelli's wrist injury goes your MVP.

I lost respect for the Yankees when Paul O'Neil retired.

[pawsoxpop]

"Truth is I can find something to dislike about every other team that is not the Red Sox." But I can usually find something to like, too. I admired Brooks Robinson, and I liked Mike Schmidt and Steve Carlton for the Phillies, and I loved the "We Are Family" Pirates. But if the MFY are in the post season I don't even bother watching.

I've never had a Phillies fan or an Orioles fan or a Tigers fan taunt me or give me a condescending lecture about how they know so much more about baseball or are so much better than I am just because of the team they root for. MFY fans do this kind of stuff all the time -- not all of them, but enough of them that if I owned a gun I'd have been executed for murder by now. I remember overhearing a long lecture on the commuter train one time about how Nomar and Mo Vaughn were going to be Yankees soon because "that's what all these ballplayers do. They make their name in Boston and then they come to New York to win their rings. Look at Boggs and Clemens." I did not want to get into a fight with a loser who was big and ugly and smelled bad and was surrounded by his ignorant posse, so I kept my mouth shut and got off at my stop instead of getting into a useless arguement. You just don't find as many jerks like that rooting for other teams. There are some -- even some Sox fans are jerks -- but with MFY fans it's the rule not the exception.

[Brian]

Amen.

[NYSoxfan]

God I fuqqing hate Marty... he reminds me of every time the Sox lose and the MFYs pull one out how my MFY colleagues circle the water cooler like piranha hoping to talk baseball with the resident Sox fans. Also, can Soxaholix readers please stop copy editing h.b. all the fuqqing time for crissakes?!? The guy cracks me up more times per week than should be allowed without paying a subscription. OK, I'm only slightly losing it. It has been a long week. Win tonight and all is well...

[Kaz]

I do hope that odd win warrants one of the infrequent weekend strips.. :)

[beth]

//You won last year, you're in first place this year, and you still have this Yankee chip on your shoulder. It's bizarre. No other fans, including Cubs fans, are like this.//

this shit drives me nucking futz from you MFY fans.

appearing wounded when called out, and then the old, "you guys have such a chip on your shoulder, i don't get it, why are you so OBSESSED with US????"

there's a rivalry. BOTH sides have a chip on their shoulder about the other. only ONE side of it tries to act like they're above it, though.

[Deepsub]

Sacre Bleu!! Yesterday, sportswise, was one of the worst days in recent memory, salvaged only by the Spankees losing. I kept flipping back and forth between NESN and CBS, only to see looks of dejection on the faces of Clement and Brady.
Oh well, at least we have three games against TB to look forward to. GO SOX, GO WELLS!

[tessie]

'But on animosity scale of 1-10, with the Yankees, "it goes to 11" as they'd say in Spinal Tap.' ...and that's like one more than ten.

Mahty blows! I hope he dies a long hard clipart death!

[Philly Patri0t]

If the Red Sox keep winning every other game like this, it just means we have to win every first game of every playoff series, right? ...RIGHT?!? *sweating bullets* :-/

Couldn't believe Clement's performance yesterday, or lack thereof. He better find his stuff. Oh yeah, and our players need to stop breaking arms and legs and stuff. And, I need to get rid of this sinusitis once and for all so I can stop coughing. And, the Sox need to sweep the Devil Rays and the Orioles. And... well, you get the picture... Go Sox!!

[Follower of Tito]

Wonder if the weekend split got the better of h.b., or perhaps it is the dreaded "Speak like a Pirate Day" and he couldn't figure out how to work that into a strip.....although, given the gamut of wierd topics worked into previous strips that can't possibly the reason. This is the kind of made-up holiday I like, not required greeting cards/presents/flowers. We have enough of those, which typically come back and bite somewhat forget guys like me in the ass....kind of like how staying out of the middle of the plate bit Matty in ass yesterday.

Memo to Clement who is supposed to be one of the brainiest guys on the squad: "Too many B.O.B.: BAD; Middle of the plate: VERY BAD; Edges of the plate: GOOD."

[JimmyZ]

Clip Art Death to Marty
http://www.fotosearch.com/comp/ICL/ICL157/LJU_051.jpg

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Yeah, Clement's had two bad games in a row, what's up? I'm surprised the Big Dog waited *this* long to throw him under the bus over at that Introduction-to-HTML-course website he runs. Nice to see our slim margin did not get any slimmer, though.

I think a measure of balance is needed here - the Sox have the 4th best record in the majors since July - the spanks have the 3rd. They're both playing very good baseball and that's what's making the race so tight and every loss that much more nerve-wracking. It's going to be a crazy three weeks.

[Jason O.]

The AL East race has the feel of a Mad Max movie: Two big V-8s going 100 mph, heading directly for a head-on collision.

[Devine]

T-minus two weeks to regular season completion. Win tonight!

[RonF]

pawsoxpop, I was wondering if anyone else here remembered Rico falling down as he rounded third. I was in the corridor on the 3rd floor of my fraternity house while I heard the radio call of that (PKT, 229 Comm. Ave.). Couldn't believe it. You have to be a Sox fan to remember that.

Losing to the Tigers by a 1/2 game in a strike-shortened season, where the owners didn't want to make up games so that they wouldn't have to pay the players for them, probably helped strengthen the resolve of the players to get a union that no one could bust.

[Kaz]

JasonO...too bad our V-8 is dropping 4 cylinders and blowing more smoke than the 4:45 to Natick.

[Devine]

I want to die.

I would like David Ortiz to please swing a bat at my head as hard as he can. I wouldn't trust anyone else to get the job done in one swing.

[Philly Patri0t]

If Damon doesn't drop that ball in center field, or Papelbon doesn't give up that two-run jack to left, the Sox win tonight, or at least tie it. Nothing less than two straight wins over Tampa Bay will be acceptable now. *Hopefully* we will see the good Schilling next game. Hopefully, we will see our pitchers pull their heads out of you-know-where. That goes for Renteria and Damon defensively too... Yeah, you could say I'm disappointed right now, but I am not losing faith. All they have to do is make it to the postseason, and then regroup. After last year, I believe anything is possible.

[Follower of Tito]

Dead on Philly. There is nothing this club can't overcome. Example #1: October 2004 and the greatest comeback in sports history. Right now we and the MFY are in one of those WWF 'cage matches' and I think it is time for a head-butt or an eye-gouge at this point. If there is anything positive at all about last night, it was that Hansen looked pretty damn good. For all of you statisticans out there I know it was a small sample, but his stuff sure looked good.

[AJM]

//pawsoxpop, I was wondering if anyone else here remembered Rico falling down as he rounded third.//

It was a little before my time, but I'm pretty sure it was Luis Aparicio, not Rico Petrocelli, who stumbled rounding third in front of Yaz in '72.