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On wings of wax and feathers

Doug:
You know of all the things as a kid that the mere mention of would scare me only one still works on me as an adult: "West Coast Road Trip."

 

Bill:
Yeah, despite all the good memories from the Left Coast like Hendu in '86 and even last year's ALDS sweep, there remains a feeling of dread when the club jets into Anaheim or Oakland or Seattle.

 

Doug:
I think paht of it is the drastic change in temporal routine, you know, games stahting at 10 O'clock and shit, just jacks my head all up.

 

Bill:
Well, there's that, true, but there is also the memories of the West Coast melt downs, like the Ninja-Turtle-laced Clemens fiasco in Oakland or last night's 13-4 craptastic loss to the Angels.

 

Doug:
At least last night they coughed it up early. Nothing worse than dragging your ass around the day aftah a 1:30 a.m. late inning hemorrhage.

 

Bill:
Yeah, for the sake of worker productivity, if you're going to lose on the West Coast, lose early.

 


Bill:
You know Clemens wouldn't surprise me much at all but Damon? Ohmychrist no! If any of the superlative twenty-five were caught juicing it'd forevah stain last year's pennant.

 

Doug:
Yeah, if any on the transcendent and divine roster were found to have doped it'd be "Oh, OK, God does hate us after all."

 

Bill:
Absolutely, It'd be a tragedy like Oedipus, "Dark, dark! The horror of darkness, like a shroud, wraps me and bears me on through mist and cloud."

 

Doug:
Dude, you've got that right. I'd have no choice but to wear dark sunglasses and begin fornicating with whores.

 

Bill:
Actually, in the story, Oedipus plucks out his own eyeballs after sleeping with his moms.

 

Doug:
Yeah, well, to each his own. I'm not some sick ancient Greek man on boy lovin' maze building oracle consulting freak.

 

Comments

When JD can make a throw from deep center to 2nd without one-hopping the ball, then I'll suspect something.

Yeah, I have to hit the rack by 11 or so...a little Jon Stewart and I'm done.

Our daughter starts "howling for boob" around 3AM and wakes us up, so as my beautiful wife supplies same, I I flip on the TV to check the ESPN crawl...

13-4....

Ok, I checked the score @ 3AM or I had a nightmare...either or...

The picture of Wake on his knees, grimacing in pain on the mound is even more fucking hahtbreaking.

I take issue with your use of the word "Craptastic" - which I've always used to mean "delightfully crappy" - like the Charlie's Angeles movies, or pretty much anything with Rob Schneider or Snoop Dog in it.

Having stayed up for the game, I'd suggest "craperiffic" "suckfest" or merely "assy".

I take issue with your use of the word "Craptastic" - which I've always used to mean "delightfully crappy"

From UrbanDictionary:

beyond crappy, beyond shitty. if something is craptastic, it is somewhat an honor in the crap community.

But I see your point.

NY Times' Murray Chass (that prick) may be throwing in the towel:

"If they don't gain the playoffs, they will become a $200 million joke. There are elephant jokes, and there will be Yankees jokes.

Where does a two-ton elephant sit when he enters a room? Anywhere he wants.

What do the $200 million Yankees do best? Choke."

Still a prick.

"Hemorrhage"

I've always used the word "craptacular" instead. And, in addition to that word, Bart would also say about last night's game, "I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows."

I've always thought jd's massive forearms were simply a divine gift from a truly benevolent supreme being...oh dear. I don't believe those rumors for a second.

'67 - my 8 year old still wakes up howling at 3 am - thank god it's only for water. sounds like you've found an excellent way to bond with the family - believe me, that's awesome in comparison to someone laying there snoring.

I had such high hopes for Tim-may last night.

"8 year old still wakes up howling at 3 am "

Whatwhatwhat?!?!?

So...it never stops?

Yikes. Good thing I think my daughter's cool.

Honestly, I'm 50/50 when it comes to "middle of the night feeding time" support.

Wake has been the stopper as much as anything else, but they just suck in series openers on the road.

Yeah, well, it's not EVERY night - but you got the point - it really never stops all together. She can talk pitching staff and insisted Bellhorn needed to stay in the lineup last year, so it's worth it.

I'm trying to shake a sick little acidic feeling in the belly about this next month - nerves, I think. Then with mention of the Oedipus thing, I have a vision of the witches from Macbeth. Gotta shake it off. Maybe take up extreme handwashing. That and an on-fire Clement should work as well as tums.

I'd go with "crapstravagant," or maybe "crapsational."

We usually have a bad August. Last year was a fluke. Hopefully we can rebound against KC and Detroit next week, because if we can't, we don't deserve to win the division -- just like the Yankees, with a 4-9 record against the D-Rays (without which they would be winning the division!) doesn't deserve to win it, either.

From dirt dogs

Bogus Steroid Accusations Against Damon, Clemens

Major League Baseball officials received at least a dozen phone calls yesterday regarding a rumor MLB was about to announce that Roger Clemens and Johnny Damon had tested positive for steroids, with an announcement coming today. "Total BS," one official said. MLB and the players' union had released a joint press release last week, vehemently denying that more prominent players had tested positive in the aftermath of Rafael Palmeiro's failed test. -- 8.18, from Gordon Edes' Red Sox notebook

"Bogus Steroid Accusations Against Damon, Clemens"

I was never a Buyer...not that I'm special or anything.

I do think there are more "positives" out there, though...

Final Panel + Coffee = SNARF

Yeah seriously, h.b., that was full-on ridiculous. I'm not sure what got me more, the 'maze-constructing' or 'oracle-consulting'.

I just figured out that yesterday's title referred to the Three Stooges.

God, why do I suck so much?

Nyuknyuk.

This is where being a West coast Sox fan comes in handy. As opposed to ending productivity at 4pm while I listen to Joe and Troup stream on mlb.com, I get to end productivity at 4 and leave work early so I can catch the train up to "The Big A". Pretty convenient, too- train drops off in the far end of the stadium parking lot AND you can drink as much as you can carry onto the train (not to perpetuate the stereotype of the inebriated Sox fan, but I gotta do what I gotta do). Same on Sunday, except that'll be with a group of 80 other fans through the local Boston sports bar. Loud and proud baby.

It's gonna be a great night- let's hope Matty and co. make it even greater. Big bats tonight boys!

Left Coast Sox Fan here too! Masshole transplant helping clog the asphault arteries of the governator's golden state. Couldn't live w/o XM and mlb.tv!

big up from the Southern Hemisphere where the keyboards are all fuqqed up. Saw a Sox cap on the streets of Santiago, Chile that looked like it had been handstitched with little red booties on it. I take that as a good omen that the bats are going to keep Lackey´s losing streak going tonight. Visca los Red Sox!

Bellhorn DFA'd...

We all saw it coming but he will always be part of THE 25 and for that we thank you, Mark. Good luck to you in whatever path you choose...

To tose of you who stayed up for the near 4-hour marathon last night- I salute you. Good game from Matty last night- too bad the bullpen (Timlin!?) couldn't hold it together to get a W for him. While we were far from outnumbering Angels fans, there were many occasions where they had to resort to booing to drown out the "Lets go Red Sox" chants.

Anybody have the stats on what Papi did last year after getting tossed in Anaheim? At least he did't throw any bats this time. Must be something about that SoCal sun...

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