Don't quit your day job, kid

Hart Brachen, blog author:
Sorry, gang, the day job is sending me on the road for a couple days (quite unexpectedly, too), so no new strips for the remainder of the week …

 

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Comments

[Bob]

Eeewww...for some reason, thinking of Tito having a wife (and sex) is like thinking of my parents doing it. I just threw up in my mouth.

[scott12xu]

Tito is taking extra-marital-affair-with-a-local-hot-female-sportscaster advice from D-Lowe, no doubt (and probably from Johnny Damon too).

Hey, anyone have any pics of what Tito looked like when he was a player (i.e. had hair)?

[Bob]

Check out his rookie card:

http://www.homeruncards.com/rookiecards/terry-francona-rookie-card.shtml

[NV in SD]

Wow- $4.00 for a Tito rookie card? I'm thinking last year brought it up from the $.85 it was at before. What happened to the value of baseball cards anyway?

I started getting uncomfortable flashbacks of tues. night's game last night in the 8th. SP leaves with a 7-2 lead. Relief immediately starts hemmoraging hits, and next thing you know it's 7-5. Holy shit. At the end of the inning I left to walk over to PetCo and, much to my pleasured surprise, by the time I found my seats there was a good ol' 12 spot on the board. Now THAT'S offense. Nice outing by Saturn Balls last night though. I gusee he fixed whatever was ailing him in 'Sota. Must be Cornrow-yo.

Hidden ball trick? Effective, but what a dick. If I was that guy on third, I think I would've slapped him (not Slappy McBluelips style, mind you- more like Shaft style)

[Follower of Tito]

C'mon. Chicks supposedly dig bald...or should I say follicularly-challenged guys (at I frequently remind my girlfriend). You know Tito is a stud if he appears on the cover a magazine with the word "BEAVER" on the top. Check it out: http://www.wqed.org/mag/beaver/index.shtml

Okay, so its a magazine about Beaver County, Pennslyvannia, but still......

[scott12xu]

Bob, did you notice the position Tito is holding his bat in that card? Maybe Hazel saw that card and thought, "hmmm, that's a mighty big BAT he's holding..." and who knows, maybe she's the type of woman who makes analogies to position-of-bat to size-of-male-bat...

I admit, I'm just jealous I'm not going downtown on Hazel Mae on a regular basis - or even semi-regular...

[pawsoxpop]

Or even at all, Scott. But just wait until the divorce is final and you can make your move on Trinka Lowe.

[Bob]

I'm saving myself for Kelly the ball-girl (appropriately titled, hopefully).

[scott12xu]

These Hazel Mae posts are likely to degenerate into "Does she have body piercings/tattoos," "Do you think she swings both ways? Drunk or Sober?" etc. We can but dream... lol

Well if you want to see a local (Cleveland) female newscaster nude, Google "Catherine Bosley" (not work safe obviously) - she's the newscaster that got booted off the air early 2004 when nude pics of her at a Key West wet-t-shirt contest the previous month made it to the Internet. Nice body too (and the first female newscaster I've seen with tats).

So I guess we'll have to wait until Hazel takes a winter vacation to the tropics. Or get the paparazzi out and see if she sunbathes in her backyard (or on her apartment rooftop) :)

[birthofasoxfan97]

Tito shirtless was simultaneously weird, yet compelling. If a guy is already hot, and then he's bald, so much the better in most cases.

Hair aside, are we going to see more of Delcarmen? He was pretty solid.

[SawxSince67]

It was fun to watch Delcarmen, yes.

He throws some heat, but without great control. Overthrowing? I saw one (?) curveball in the whole appearance. He dropped it well, but didn’t get the call.

I’d love to see him learn a change against that 92-94mph cheese. Then, he’d be a legit strikeout guy. None exist in the Sox bullpen as far as I can tell.

Tito had real lats--he's mad jacked, yo.

[BigBri]

All of you,

Please suck on the snotty end of my bang stick.

Pawsoxpop - that joke is as old as the hills. Get some new material. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE keep underestimating the Yanks. PLEASE set yourselves up for a September surrender. I'll be here to remind you all of how foolish you've been.

BigBri (Yankee fan since '66)

[Kaz]

http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/articles/2005/08/11/sox_yanks_won146t_debut_until_may_in_2006/

I didn't think you could develop a worse schedule than this year's. 4 series against the yanks in a month's time? None of the games on the weekend?? May???

W.T.F...did they hire BigBri to schedule these things? How about regularly spacing them through the season and making almost all of them on the weekends. That's a thought. Make it so we see the season series develop over time and stew until the very end. Maybe 2 of them are home to home series just to spice it up.

What's 2007 hold? The entire season series against the Yankees to be held for the entire month of September?

[NV in SD]

Underestimating?

Your pitching staff is in absolute shambles.
The MFY can not win games that they score less than 4 runs in (1-30)
The MFY are in 4th place in the wild card.
The MFY are 5.5 back in the division (and sliding)
Your outfielders are deer in headlights.
Your manager is about to be fired.
You have an undercover agent sabatoging your bullpen.
Your $205 mil. squad is the biggest bunch of frauds to ever put on a baseball uniform.

Take your snotty bang stick and shove it up your ass, you delusional, pole-smoking jackbag.

[pawsoxpop]

Now, now, NV, go easy on LilBri. You'd be spouting nonsense too if you'd been holed up in your folks' basement for the past month watching nothing but your brand new DVD of Season 2 of "That '70s Show" starring Billy, Bucky and the Boss:

http://www.that70sshow.com/

[NV in SD]

From redsox.com

Hansen named newest Sea Dog

http://boston.redsox.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/article.jsp?ymd=20050811&content_id=1166723&vkey=news_bos&fext=.jsp&c_id=bos

Let's see what this young gun's got.

[BigBri]

NV - You've mentioned ALL those things (some of them even true/accurate!) and yet, the SAWX STILL CAN'T PULL AWAY! How horrible will you feel when this team that you've described as such a disaster knocks the SAWX out of the playoffs???
You are TRULY and Ass-Hat if there ever was one. Almost worth the trip to 'SD' to laugh at you in person. LOL what a tool...

PSP - your characterizations of me are truly laughable. Just sit on your lounge chair outside your trailer in PAH-Tucket and down another Milwaukee's Best.

[RonF]

Hm. So the MFY won their game in hand and the Red Sox have a 5 game division lead. Looks promising. At this stage of the season, collapses are usually due to the pitching staff going south, not the offense. Which pitching staff do I like better, Sox or MFY? I think the former. Schilling's looking to get back in the rotation and has looked reasonable in his last few save situations. Foulke is talking upbeat, and after being mysteriously ineffective earlier in the season it may be that the problem was actually figured out and fixed. While there's a huge question mark about Foulke yet, I think it's reasonable to be optimistic about Schilling.

So there's a reasonable chance that the pitching staff of the division leader is about to improve some. Which it needs to, given it's performance against the Rangers. Given that the staff of the MFY is degrading (despite the addition of Leiter (sp?)), the MFY probably will be fortunate to make the wild card spot. While the Red Sox *could* be caught by the MFY, I don't think it's a wise place to put your money.

These next 3 games for both teams will be worth observing closely. The MFY out-slugged Texas yesterday; can they do that 3 more games? Texas seems like they're able to score runs, so the MFY will have to be able to keep up.

Meanwhile, the Red Sox are about to play 3 games against a team that has played well in tight games all year and hasn't been giving up very many runs. If they can get to the White Sox's pitching staff, they should win. But they shouldn't expect many gifts from the White Sox defense, and they better be ready to have their own defense challenged by patient hitters hitting behind the runner, bunting, and stealing bases. If the Red Sox can win 2 out of 3 this weekend, they have a good chance to pick up another game in the standings.

[Kelly the Ballgal is hot]

When are they going to do a piece on Kelly the Ball Girl?

[pawsoxpop]

Ron,
The Sox won the last game that Buehrle started (July 21) so I'm optimistic about tonight, especially since Wells has pitched really well lately. I think there is a very good chance we go 2-1 this weekend. Meanwhile, I think the Rangers are capable of beating Leiter tonight, although their free-swinging ways may work against them with all the junk he throws.
Bri, I have to give you credit. You know how to pronounce my hometown, and you have bravely volunteered to show up here and take our abuse like a man even as the wheels fall off your beloved $200 million team. When the playoffs start, maybe Jeter and Sheffield can come over to my trailer and have a few beers with us while we watch the Sox defend their championship.

[BigBri]

PSP - I eagerly await the start of the playoffs. But the only way you'll get Jeter and co. over to your trailer is if they are on your T.V. If you hold the rabbit ear antenna just right, you can get reception, right?

[pawsoxpop]

I'm talking about the 2005 postseason, not the 1977 or 1999 one they'll be showing on the YES Network.

[NV in SD]

Boomah has definitely been on a roll recently, and his starts at home have been treating him well, so hopefully the trend continues. While we're facing the heart of the ChiSox rotation, I expect for the offense to continue their slugging ways. Papi is due for a breakout any time here.

BigBitch- Come on out, brah. I'll be at the airport looking for the transvestite in the Yanks hat. How's your blog going? Make any complimentary comments to yourself recently?

[Devine]

Quit paying attention to the moron.

Although I wouldn't call the Sox a lock, I'd bet a lot of money things'll be looking good in late September. Pitching staff can probably only get better with Schilling back in the rotation, and if (big IF) Foulke is up to snuff again, a lot of the bullpen problems are eased. Yankees' new guys are over-performing (though Small might actually be as good as his numbers...four starts, four excellent performances), their middle relief is even worse than the Sox' (Torre doesn't trust anyone besides Rivera, it's clear after last night's game...and not without reason), and Pavano is out for the season. Good stuff.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

"yet, the SAWX STILL CAN'T PULL AWAY!"

Funny, seems like the Sox lead in the division has been growing since the spanks last held the division lead for all of about 18 hours. uh oh, they gained half a game on an idle team! whoa look out! Well, there was that point where the lead DID shrink to 2.5 games. But with that gritty performance they turned in last night, the yankees managed to close to within double that margin. Look out, they're on the up and up - I hear their pitchers (whoever they are) struck out a batter or two, and even Bernie Williams managed to get to a few flares to center.

Seems like I spoke too soon about the lack of idiocy around here. But while BigBri might have had a conceivable reason to gloat when, you know, the Yankees were contenders and stuff, now it's kinda sad, like watching some old fart complain about what's on TV.

[Aaron]

Wait - it's pronounced PAH-tucket? Is it different, depending on which part of town you're from? My dad's family is from there, and they always pronounce it "P'tucket." Ah, the joys of quibbling over minutiae...

[BigBri]

PSP - that's a good one. The YES network does love to live in the past. However, I'm talking about 2005 as well.

NV - You are the classic internet 'tough guy'. So fierce behind your keyboard, but you'd wet your pants and call for your momma if the feces ever hit the wind ocsillator (look it up). I know you can't stand the fact that my blog treats your SAWX like the little bitches they are. Get over it little man.

Bastard Son - You are truly a dim sunuvabitch. With all the pitching woes the Yanks have had, the SAWX SHOULD have been able to put this race to bed during the last month. But they haven't. They can't. They are NOT able to produce when it counts and the Yanks will make them pay going down the stretch.

Can't wait for the 2005 Yankee highlight DVD -

'Faith Rewarded. The Nitty, Gritty 2005 Yanks put and end to the World Series drought and fullfill the lifelong dreams of 5-year-olds everywhere'.

Have a great weekend everyone. I'll check back in on Monday after you've been swept by the White Sox.

[pawsoxpop]

You are right Aaron, it's pronounced P'tucket. But I was just trying to give Bri some credit for trying, and at least coming closer than the TV announcers who pronounce it PAW-took it (like in the obscene limerick about the girl from Nantucket ... or was it the Pop from Pawtucket. Oh #@$% it.
NV, I hope the offsensive breakout continues, but I think there may be a pause while the White Sox are in town. I think an offensive breakout against that staff would be five runs. I also hope some of those guys used the offday to take a few ground balls because the errors of the past few weeks will be unacceptable against the ChiSox. Batting Practice may resume against Detroit and Tampa Bay, however.
And I want to reconsider my invitation for the playoffs. Jeter can come over and watch, and maybe Riviera, but I better not invite Sheffield and Juicin' Giambi. I don't want the Balco boys polluting our trailer park tykes ...

[AJM]

I know everyone says that the Sox' remaining schedule is favorable, but the next two weeks concern me. I'll be happy if they can manage to go 2-1 against the Chisox. I'm wary about going into Detroit, and then Anaheim, although at least they finish the road trip in KC. If they get to the homestand that starts 8/26 against Detroit with a decent lead in the division, then they should be in really good shape from there.

This bullpen is really gonnna drive me crazy though. Good thing the lineup can mash...and good thing Manny remains in the middle of it.

[Aaron]

Amen to that. A lineup that can score runs on anybody's pitching is a luxury that few teams have. I'm glad ours is one of them.

The team, as currently constructed, has enough to hold off the MFYs, since their pitching is in even worse shape. I can't see them going far in the playoffs, however, without the return of Foulke to the bullpen and Schilling to the top of the rotation. The teams we are most likely to see in the playoffs - Chicago, Oakland, and Anaheim (I refuse to use that stupid-ass "LA Angels of Anaheim" name) can all pitch. Luckily, none of them have an offense that really scares you.

[scott12xu]

**I'll check back in on Monday after you've been swept by the White Sox.**

Hmmm - kind of a big boast from a fan (?) of a team that almost got swept themselves earlier this week.

[pawsoxpop]

AJM, I think they'll do fine in Detroit; and Anaheim is not as scary as they were in the first half. Our bullpen is very adventurous to say the least, but at least we have a bunch of young arms in the minors who might be able to help out as September callups. All in all, things are looking good. And don't forget, the other teams in the division don't have very easy schedules either.

[JimmyZ]

Based on remaining sched's
Sox @ Home - 27 remaining games
Sox @ Away - 22 remaining games
Projected home wins (based on home record this year): 18
Projected away wins (based on home record this year): 11. Sox final record: 95W 67L

MYF @ Home - 23 remaining games
MFY @ Away - 27 remaining games
Projected home wins (based on home record this year): 14
Projected away wins (based on home record this year): 12. MFY final record: 87W 75L

Concensus:
Sox = Division Champs
October + MFY = Golf

[JimmyZ]

oops- I meant 'away record' where I doubled up the 'home record' in each projection.

[NV in SD]

I'm thinking it's got to be time to start stretching Schill out. I picture a start by some other bullpen guy (Gonzalez most likely) that goes 3-4 innings, then stick Curt in there for as long as he feels like going. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. The set we've got coming up vs kc/det/tb would be a perfect time to work something like this in.

AJM- I can't say that the remaining schedule is favorable, rather the location of games. With the exception of the late series vs the D-Rays, Sept is shaping up to be a pretty tough month. LAA, two vs the Jays (who, if things keep going the way they have, could make the WC interesting), two vs MFY, and Oakland. We defintely need to take full advantage of every opportunity that presents itself, esp. vs the likes of KC, Detroit, and TB.

[BigBri]

Sorry. Had to drop by one more time. I was hoping scott would lend his meager I.Q to the conversation.

Scott - 'Boasting' is when you brag about your own team. 'Predicting' is when you inform a group of SAWX fans that their beloved team is about to be swept by the CHI-SOX. Aand finally, 'Bitch Slapping' is what the CHI-SOX will do to you this weekend (yet another PREDICTION). Can you keep all of that straight? Ask one of the other guys to explain it to you in email if necessary.

Jimmy Z - What was the 'concensus' last year when the SAWX were down 0-3 in the ALCS? That's why they PLAY the games and don't rely on past performance to predict future outcomes.

NV - great idea! Let's have the bullpen start a bunch of games as we go down the stretch so that Curt - PLEASE SHUT THE F UP - Schilling can get his ancient body up an running. Good luck with all that!

Have a GREAT weekend everybody!

[Ice Princess]

Bri - You're an asshole. Go away & die now please.

[BigBri]

My Princess - I LOVE it when you talk dirty to me baby!

Beat me! Whip me! Make me wear a Johnny Damon wig and throw like a 10 year old girl!

You are my Princess and I am your Big Papi!

[bri]

look at me! I’m Big! I’m outrageous! Look! I’m BigBri! I’m somebody!

I’m almost 40 years old but I hurl insults like an adolescent! Look! I’m Big!

I HAVE nothing going on in my life but the 26 time World Champions Yankees and they are ancient history! It’s like talking shit about the 49ers!

I’m rude to females over the internet but I look at others and say, “hey, you’re a classic internet tough guy.”

i’m deluded! i’m not even from the city! I’m from Massapequa or somewhere!

pay attention! I’m bigbri!

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Aww, Ice Princess, you can't mean that. Without BigBri, who would remind us of how neurotic Yankees fans get when their team starts to suck serious ass. It's like they can't even process it - "what? we're losing? we can't! The YES network won't allow it!" But when you've got a guy with a walker in center field and *the* worst signal caller in the majors behind the plate (compare Yankee ERAs when Posada catches vs. Flaherty), I can see how you'd need some delusions to maintain your worldview. It's gotta be tough, looking up at the Twins and the Indians in the wild card race.

But I can't begrudge BigBri his razor-sharp wit, nosireebob. Did you all read that line up there calling NV an "internet tough guy" and me a "dim sunovabitch"? BigBri may be rooting for a team that will be lucky to finish out ten games over .500 and has all but eliminated their playoff hopes, but he sure can read us 'SAWX' fans like a book, eh? Must be that superior 'NEW YAWK' intellect.

[scott12xu]

What is the official explanation of why their official name is "The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim" anyway? (Must have cost a fortune to redo the stationery). I had heard it's because the current owners did not want to be associated with Anaheim and wanted to be associated with L.A.? Or they wanted to move the team to L.A. proper and MLB wouldn't let them do it so this was the compromise? I heard it was a stupid reason anyway...

For a team that's had 3 location changes in the past decade ("California"/"Anaheim"/the current one), you think someone would just say enough....

and if you thought Bush Sr and his prune-face wife throwing out the first pitch Wednesday was bad, check this out (from Yahoo! News):

(emphasis mine)

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - Concert tickets for major acts are costly, but $100,000 to see the Rolling Stones? That's the price to join Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger in a luxury box at the Stones' Aug. 21 show at Boston's Fenway Park. The event will cap a multistate fundraising swing that begins next week for Schwarzenegger's Nov. 8 special election.

WTF is AH-NULD doing on this coast anyway? Giving Giambi, Sheff, Palmeiro, etc. more 'roids?

[BigBri]

Aw shit! I can't leave now. I was hoping to step out and start my weekend, but now I've got to hang with you knuckleheads.

Bri - That was funny. Completely untrue and off the mark, but funny. Do you REALLY think I was 'rude' to the Ice Princess? Do you really think I was acting like a 'tough guy' with her?

Bastard Son - That's right. Posada is the WORST catcher in the majors. You are VERY astute. At least my guy doesn't need a 'C' on his chest to remind him he's a catcher. Make all the predicitons you like about the Yankees chances. You have written them off all year long and been wrong all along.

[AJM]

pawsoxpop: The only reason I'm a little concerned about the Detroit series is that Comerica is a pitcher's park, and I can see the Sox' bats cooling off a little bit and the team losing a couple of fluky 5-2 or 4-3 games. Hope I'm wrong. Anaheim hasn't been playing well lately, although I guess it would be too much to ask for to have KRod pull another bonehead move like he did yesterday in Oakland.

NV in SD: I agree about Schilling...I'm ready to see him back in the rotation. Unfortunately, for the moment we probably still need him closing for another couple weeks.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Heh, I saw that highlight reel from the A's game yesterday. What a couple of morons. I bet that sorry display didn't win K-Rod and Molina many friends. But then they've got a great manager to inspire them: Scioscia's always been a fine example of how to piss and moan at umpires.

"Aw shit! I can't leave now. I was hoping to step out and start my weekend, but now I've got to hang with you knuckleheads."

heh, like BigBri isn't sitting in his mom's basement hitting reload every two minutes. Good thing too to have someone providing cheap laughs while h.b.'s away...

[Brian]

You'll notice that he only comes out and beats his chest and howls at the tide now when h.b.'s away. Almost like he's afraid of him...

[pawsoxpop]

AJM,
Yeah, you're right about Comerica being a pitcher's park, but I'm hoping that will help our pitchers. Another thing that should make us optimistic is that Graffanino has been a significant upgrade to our infield defense and our lineup. That deal and keeping Manny on the team were the best moves that Theo made in late July. I mean, yeah, you can't just extrapolate backwards and as Jimy Williams said: "You have to play the schedule." But I still think the schedule favors us down the stretch, especially if Foulke can get back in a couple of weeks and Schilling can get into the rotation. NV, I'm with you on wishing Schilling could start more quickly, but I think we need him as closer until Foulke proves he's ready for primetime again. I'd be more comfortable giving spot starts to guys like Papelbon and DiNardo when the September callups arrive and keeping Schill in the pen until we are certain that Foulke can close games effectively.

Time for my summer vacation. Have a great week everyone. And don't worry about Bri, Ice Princess. Pretty soon he'll be over in the Jersey swamps, watching Jets or Giants training camp.

[BigBri]

Bastard Son - Yeah, that's right. I live in my folks basement. You've got it all figured out. Just like you have the AL East figured out. How wrong you are and how MUCH I will enjoy the next month and a half and your SAWX spit the bit.

Brian (however did we come to share the same name?) - Listen to me closely. I think I can help you here.

- bend your knees

- place your HANDS on your knees

- lean forward as FAR as you can without falling over

- Reach back and up and....

- Pull your HEAD out of your ass!!!

If you believe that I **ONLY** comment here when h.b. is away you just haven't been paying attention.

[NV in SD]

Understood that we need Schill where he is for the time being. I'm just saying that if they keep him going on these 1-2 inning stints, there's no way he'll be prepared to go start and go 6-8 in a couple of weeks. I'd just like to see him maybe come in the game a little earlier, like the seventh instead of the ninth. Plus it would give the bullpen some rest. We'll see.

[AJM]

h.b., I hope you realize now why you can't take anymore of these 3-day breaks for work.

So, anybody going to the Stones concert at Fenway?

[BigBri]

I've got mail. Yayyy!!!!!