Don't quit your day job, kid

Hart Brachen, blog author:
Sorry, gang, the day job is sending me on the road for a couple days (quite unexpectedly, too), so no new strips for the remainder of the week …

 

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Comments

[Follower of Tito]

The Day Job is exactly why I am up at this hour, h.b.

Actually, this is one of those games I am glad I went to bed when the score was 7-4 Sox went Clement left. It is much easier on the ulcer to watch this shit in retrospect knowing the outcome.

Did anyone else see the gopher-ball Embre gave up to the White Sox yesterday? Hell, if $teinbrenner is willing to pay for shit like that, I'v got an uncle who pitched minor league ball.

And, Millar..wearing the Tom Brady Uni...dude, very few people look good in a skin-tight football uni without pads..especially you, but I guess every team needs a jester..keeps everyone loose.

[PA Pesky]

Advice for our new REMdog:
This is a bed. This is the backyahd. Shit it the latter.

[AJM]

OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!

At least there's no game tomorrow anyway...

[yazbread]

Quit your day job. It probably does not bring joy to thousands as does 'The Soxaholix'.

[SawxSince67]

"...the day job is sending me on the road for a couple days."

Unacceptable.

[Jimmy K]

You mean this doesn't pay?

[SawxSince67]

Scott Proctor will take the Big Eunuch's turn...

NY Daily News:

In an almost comical moment in the clubhouse before last night's game, the spokesman, Rick Cerrone, was struggling to remember Johnson's phrasing to a group of reporters when the 6-10 lefty leaned in and repeated what he wanted said.

"I am making progress toward my next start," he said. "I'm working on range of motion, flexibility and strengthening."
===============================================

I love these anti-social NYY moments.

[pawsoxpop]

HB, would it help if we all write your boss and tell him you need time to do your strip? I didn't think so.

Contreras was lights-out last night. Made the Tankees waste what will probably be their staff's most effective pitching of the week (2 runs in 9 innings against a decent lineup). None of the Crankee fans at my dayjob are giving us in the Red Sox diaspora any trouble at all these days. In fact, the Mets fans are coming out of the woodwork; how long before they have the best record in New York City?

Remlinger was terrible last night. But at least the New Englandah gets it; no bashing Johnny Burger King for him. I hope he turns it around, but if not he could at least give Foulke p.r. lessons:

''When I grew up here, I figure I booed enough guys that I've got some coming to me," Remlinger said. ''I'm confident I won't pitch that way again."

Let's hope he's right.

[scott12xu]

h.b., perhaps you could have a 2nd-in-command who does the strip in your absence (a la surviving grady) - or is it YOUR baby all the way and no one does it once you are gone (Like "Peanuts" and Charles Schulz)?

The least you could do in your absence is get the graphic artist to do an animation of Hazel Mae and Michelle Damon in g-strings making out... LOL

[NV in SD]

Tonight we spell redemption E-D-G-A-R.

Seriously- if anyone was going to hit a walkoff RBI single, it HAD to be him, esp after the horrendous night he was having.

Is his name Remlingrrrrrrr yet? (Not that the E or Chadford helped)

How about that fucking dipshit Skankees fan who jumped off the upper deck (on a dare) into the net behind home plate. Holy shit- they breed 'em smart over there, huh? I guess now we know what bribri's been spending his time planning.

4.5 baby. Keep it going.

[illegitimate son of dwight evans]

Seriously, NV. Edgar could use a little clutch hitting these days. Though the big dog over at the Official Boston Globe Red Sox Blog (aka BDD) found a way to spin Rent under the bus. I wonder if Shaughnessy or Edes is really the big dog.

I don't understand the Remlinger "trade". I mean, if we wanted a balky lefty setup guy who'd blow a lead in late innings, we could've just kept Embree on and those little prospects we gave up. At least that guy *did* something for the Sox last year.

If I were a Yankees fan, I'd be jumping off the balcony too. He was probably trying to escape a mugger.

You know, I don't think we're heard from BigBri since the skanks were within 2.5 games or so of first. I'm starting to enjoy the lack of idiocy around these parts.

[pawsoxpop]

I think the reasoning behind the Remlinger deal was Theo and Tito hoping a change of scenery (new league, hitters who haven't seen him much) would revitalize him, at least for a few weeks, like it seems to be doing for Al Leiter. It didn't work out last night, but not every team has a lineup as tough as the Rangers. He still might pan out.

BigBri hasn't even posted on his OWN pathetic blog since July (neither has anyone else that I can see). I think he's getting ready for the upcoming NHL season with a Rangers blog that blasts Bruins fans as hypocrites (or maybe for hockey he hates NJ Devils fans, who knows?) We probably shouldn't mention him too much though, or he might return and call us names.

[Blue]

Just a word for the denizens of Red Sox nation. Cubs' fan here...we will leave it to all of you to pull the fork out of Remlinger...He's a good guy, maybe not as good a guy as Manny turned out to be at the trade deadline, but he'll give Mayday Malone a run for all of you. Enjoy.

[NV in SD]

Yeah, the spin on his game winner last night dosen't surprise me, as BDD has been on Rent all year. I say give the guy a break. Granted he's leading the universe in errors, but his offensive #s are going to be right at where they usu. are. Solid clubhouse presence, and he's going to be a great mentor for Hanley. He's even adopted the clubhouse mantra- "Turn the page" (good thing for him, too)

"If I were a Yankees fan, I'd be jumping off the balcony too. He was probably trying to escape a mugger."

It's funny 'cause it's true.

[pawsoxpop]

I don't even look at dirt dogs any more. It's about as entertaining as reading about Shaughnessy's trip to Italy.

[scott12xu]

Yeh, that Shaughnessy piece "What I did on my Summer Vacation" was journalistic masturbation at its best/worst. Surprised he didn't provide a link to his vacation photos.

[scott12xu]

Yahoo news posted the story with photos of the doofus:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20050810/ap_on_sp_ba_ne/bba_yankee_stadium_fan

Nice to see Whinebrenner was concerned about the kids' safety and well-being: "That was the only exciting thing that happened today," Yankees owner George Steinbrenner said after Chicago's 2-1 victory.

Is the entire MFY organization - front office down to players - staffed with cheating, lying, uncaring shitheads? Guess so...

[pawsoxpop]

If you go by the last time he wrote anything worth reading, the guy's been on vacation since 1988.

[pawsoxpop]

So who's throwing out the first cameraman (I mean pitch) at Fenway tonight?

[NV in SD]

Sidenote- Did anyone else see David Wright's catch last night. Over the shoulder barehanded?!?!?!

Go to mlb.com for highlight clip if you haven't- play of the year.

[SawxSince67]

"...David Wright's catch last night?"

That was ridiculous. Mets fans are going bonkers for that guy.

"pull the fork out of Remlinger"

Hopefully Tito will use Remlinger against righties--his strength. But, Tito rolls his own way, so...hey, I hear there was a Nomah sighting last night!

"BDD has been on Rent all year."

BDD. Douche. Good pictures, though.

[Bob]

If I were a Boston cameraman, I'd have my camera about one inch from Kenny's face all day today. Follow him everywhere. Annoy the hell out of him. Meet him at the front door of his hotel when he leaves in the morning with the camera stuck right in his fugly mug, and don't remove it until he takes the mound. (My next door cube dweller had the brilliant idea of hiring a karate master to be a cameraman for a day. Forget a 13-day suspension; how about the DL?)

[pawsoxpop]

Or they could pass out flashbulbs at Fenway tonight, to be set off every time Rogers winds up...

[pawsoxpop]

And when Rogers is warming up the p.a. should play that old Steely Dan song, "Peg" with the line "won't you smile for the camera."

[SawxSince67]

Gentlemen, I give you:

"Coward of the County"

From Kenny Rogers' 20 Greatest Hits.

This must be played during warmups...

CHW/NYY 1-1 in the 10th , Mo in his 2nd inning....1 out, Uribe on 3rd...Podsednik up (0 and 2) and Everett in the hole...

[pawsoxpop]

Or "Make Love to the Camera" by the Starting Line

[Bob]

Excellent! I guess Mo's 30-save streak is OVAH.

[NV in SD]

Robinson Can?-no.

Bad guys lose 2-1 (again). 5.5 sounds good to me.

[Brian]

And the Magic Number...is at 45.

Incidentally, score was tied when Mo entered, so the save streak is intact. But I'm sure his save streak will keep him happy when he's sitting at home in October.

[SawxSince67]

46?

5 games ahead + x = 50 games remaining + 1?

[pawsoxpop]

The second 2-1 loss in a row. Time for the Bo$$ to blow a gasket and read the riot act to the $200 million payroll again.

What else is on the playlist for Kenny Rogers tonight? "Kodachrome" by Paul Simon? "Freeze Frame" by J. Geils?

[Brian]

Right, I have a bad habit of figuring out the Magic Number based on clinching a tie. You'd think '78 would have cured me of that...

[B Cashman]

AP NEW YORK -- The beleaguered New York Yankees took another hit Wednesday with Carl Pavano being declared out at least six more weeks with rotator cuff tendinitis.

[SawxSince67]

'78?

Why you gotta go there, B?

[BigBri]

I give up. I'm jumping off the bandwagon I climbed on in 1996. I admit I'm a fraud. I like small boys. I have a 1-inch member. I enjoy drinking urine. Happy now, Sox fans?

[Bob]

Hope nobody minds a little football news in the midst of what's looking like a great Sox day:

The Terrell Owens soap opera took its latest turn Wednesday, as the disgruntled Eagles wide receiver has left training camp and returned to his home in New Jersey, according to a report on Comcast Sportsnet.

FOXSports.com has learned that this latest incident was triggered when Owens refused to participate in a mandatory autograph session for wide receivers. After Owens was told by head coach Andy Reid that today was his turn to sign autographs, the wideout ignored the head coach and simply brushed past him.
In addition to this latest transgression, Owens has pretty much stopped communicating with members of the coaching staff. Sources have said that at times he has completely ignored some in the organization.

While Owens may believe his behavior can get him out of Philadelphia, team sources insist they will absolutely not trade the star wide receiver.

Owens had reported to camp despite suggestions that he might hold out. But after suffering a groin injury last Thursday, Owens had missed five of the last six practices.

On Wednesday, he ran some light routes and caught passes from a machine, but did not work with the team.

[RonF]

pawsoxpop, saw your comment yesterday about the "Entering Sharon" sign. I can describe it in detail, since in 1972 one of my fraternity brothers started sleeping with a girl named Sharon. We promptly drove over there, stole the sign, and propped it up outside his door for him and her to see one fine night. They still have it at the house all these years later. I bet that sign has been stolen many a time before and since then.

[pawsoxpop]

RonF,
I just spit mochachino out my nose all over my computer. BigBri, glad to see you're back, and jumping off the Crankee bandwagon. Hope you catch a foul ball after you land in the net.
As long as you're here, I've got a Yankeeography joke for you. It's from the next episode of CSI...
Two cops arrive at a crime scene, where a beautiful naked girl has been killed. Over one breast is a Red Sox cap, over the other one is a Phillies cap, over her crotch is a Yankee cap.
One cop dutifully lifts each cap and writes what he sees in a notebook. After he lifts the Yankees cap he gets a puzzled look on his face and lifts it again. Then he scratches his head and lifts it again.
"What's wrong?" his partner asks.
"That's the first time I ever saw anything but an asshole underneath a Yankee cap."

[Aaron]

Lord knows, this is a grand day in the Nation: pulling away in the standings, Yankee fans jumping into nets (thus saving us the trouble of chasing them with nets), Pavano out another six weeks, and now Jamie Moyer turns down a trade to NY...

However, the recent pitching has made me nervous. Sure, we've won 6 of the last 8, but the wins have come despite allowing 54 runs in those eight games. Granted, Texas has a high-powered offense, but KC and Minny do not. We have more than enough pitching to hold off the Yanks, since their staff is even worse, but this shit ain't gonna fly in the playoffs. Let's hope Foulke can be brought back from the dead and Schilling gets back to the top of the rotation where he belongs, and pronto...

[NV in SD]

Oldie but a goodie, PSP. The version I've heard is with a Cubbies hat instead of Phillies though (y'know, considering we're cousins and all)

I think my favorite is:

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the
coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the
Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless
man, wearing a New York Yankee's jersey, was struggling frantically to
free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men
aboard wearing Boston Red Sox jerseys. One quickly fired a harpoon into
the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding,
semi-conscious Yankee fan from the water. Then using (autographed Johnny
Damon) baseball bats, the three heroes in red beat the shark to death and
hauled it into the boat also.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you
my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was
some bitter hatred between Red Sox and Yankee fans, but now I have seen
with my own eyes that this is not the truth."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?"

"It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has
access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he
doesn't know crap about shark fishing.... how's the bait holding up?"

[pawsoxpop]

Good one NV. The version I saw (I think it was on the Bloehards Website) has the pope watching from the shore at Hyannis.

Don't know why I never heard the CSI one before...

[pawsoxpop]

Maybe I'm the last one to see this too, but there's a very funny story in the NY Daily News Website about $teinbrenner fuming about Torre, and that's BEFORE today's 2-1 loss. Wouldn't it be hilarious if EMBREE causes Torre to be fired?

"I'm not pleased with the manager," Steinbrenner repeated. "I don't know why he left him in."

[mike]

Maybe we need to do out own strip.

Characters:
[ BHG ]: Brown haired guy.
[ BW ]: Brunette woman.

Setting: You already know the setting.

[ BHG ]: So, seems like the gambler fergot when to fold 'em last night.

[ BW ]: No shit, the Sox made chowdah out of that cowboy last night with their 16 run escapade. Don't they enforce the 10 run forfeit rule after the 3rd?

[ BHG ]: That's only in little league, which is where I imagine the Ranger's pitching coach is gonna be next year. [INSERT JOKE ABOUT MILLAR TAKING SVEUM'S JOB NEXT YEAR ]

.... someone else finish, I'm on the west coast and it's late.

M

[Follower of Tito]

No strip writing for me, but I will say since I have been getting up early (EDT), I have been noticing a few things.

First, did anyone else see the Mike Lowell "hidden ball play"..take about Sandlot deja vu..other players must hate him.....alot.

Bronson, back with the Cornrows....seems to have worked...go ahead, Arroyo, be as fugly as you want to be; just keep winning!

Hear than Bellhorn? That's Graffanino putting another nail in the coffin of your hopes of getting back into the lineup....but...there may be an opening at 3rd base....on the left side of the foul line!!

Finally, Millar actually said something reasonablly intelligent on NESN this morning, "If other teams want to intentionally walk or Ortiz to get to Manny, be our guests!" Exactly Kevin, but seriously, who wrote that for you?

[Follower of Tito]

Almost forgot....how could I....early morning NESN Sports desk with Hazel Mae (letting the twins peek out a little)...I love going to work with a stiffy. Thanks, Hazel!

[Free the Hazel Mae Two!]

Tito, thanks for teasing us non-NESN-available Sox fans (grrrrrr....) Would someone start a website with photos of the goddess Hazel from her TV stints so us poor bastards can see the glory of the twin milk cartons?

[I got Hazel eyes]

quoting bob: Excellent! I guess Mo's 30-save streak is OVAH

Sorry. He came in when the game was tied, not a save situation. The streak lives, and that's about the only thing that has gone right for the Bankees.

Tito seemed even more incoherent than usual after Wednesday's game in the NESN post-game interview
with Hazel. Then the camera pulled back and you could see why. Yow!

[Follower of Tito]

For those of you non-NESN folks, here are few URLs for a view of Hazel:

Bio page: http://www.boston.com/sports/nesn/aboutus/onair/hazelmae/

Video of broadcasts (1 day behind):
http://www.boston.com/sports/nesn/programming/shows/sportsdesk/

So, you poor bastards will have to wait until later today.

[SawxSince67]

There was footage of Foulkie putting in bullpen work yesterday.

Pretty sure I saw a shirtless Tito leaning over the fence and observing.

I wonder if he was tempting Hazel Mae with his manliness?

[scott12xu]

I wonder what MRS. Francona thinks of all this, if it is indeed true...