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Better late than never

Doug:
Everyone's favorite hurlah, Woozy Wells, managed to get it done this time.

 

Mike:
Yeah, Wells is on his last day of antibiotics and back to good health just in time for Bob Yankee Watson to reject Wells' suspension appeal.

 

Doug:
So Bob "Smack da Bitch" Ryan says these are gravy days for Red Sox fans. I'm feelin' it, yo …

 

Mike:
Yeah, but that bit about how we are "being watched" kinda creeped me out a bit. I mean some days I feel like I'm being followed, like just out of my vision a pair of eye balls are watching my every move and listening to my every word.

 

Doug:
Oh, shit, it's not just me then … I'd naturally assumed I'd been hittin' the hydro hookah to hahd and getting all paranoid and what not.

 

Mike:
Speaking of hittin' it, did you see where there's 65 out of 490 girls pregnant in a high school in Ohio?

 

Doug:
Christ, are you shitting me?

 

Mike:
But wait, Dude, it gets bettah: The school's nickname is "The Trojans"!

 

Doug:
No wondah nobody reads fiction anymore, the for real shit is so much nuttiah.

 

Comments

Late night HB? Lemme guess-you flew out to KC to celebrate Boomah's 11 game streak vs the Royals with him.

Re: 65 outta 490
"The article reported that some would say that movies, TV, videogames, lazy parents and lax discipline may all be to blame. "

uhhhh... How about unprotected sex? Think that might have something to do with it? Nah- it's gotta be the videogames that are knockin' up all these girls. Damn that Super Mario!

From the article:

65 Girls At Area School Pregnant
School To Unveil Three-Prong Program

Three Prongs??? One prong each got them in this trouble so far!

h.b., another good strip as usual.

BTW I didn't think you got enough love about yesterday's link to the Ken Burn's parody. That was high quality stuff. No better humour than well-done parody...well except for your strip, a Soupy Sales pie-throwin' fest or the MFY starting rotation.

Re: 65 out of 490.

Anyone notice the newspaper that first reported this? The Canton Repository.

Mario has some powerful seed. Especially after he eats the mushrooms. If he can defeat a dragon, he can surely impregnant 1/8th of a high school.

And Yoshi? Total ho.

Any word on Boomer's suspension hearing yet? I'll be surprised if he gets it reduced, unless its from six games to five.

Well worth the wait. Now I can start my day.

"The newspaper also reported that students will face mounting tensions..." Three-pronged program? Mounting tensions? Who writes this stuff?
Oh yeah, you told me. The Canton Repository.

I expect the wet blanket gravy column from Bob Closet Yankee Fan Ryan, but what's up with Eric Wilbur?
"...How many of those dominating factors are there? Not many, and surely if he proves fit, Schilling will leap into that category. Right now, among playoff contenders, I would consider them to be Randy Johnson, Johan Santana, Bartolo Colon, Chris Carpenter, Martinez, Dontrelle Willis, Clemens, Roy Oswalt, Barry Zito ..." Why does Randy Johnson even MAKE that list in 2005, never mind HEAD that list? If he had put Mussina there, maybe, but Boomer and Clement have both been as good as the Eunuch this year.

Plus the thing he's missing is that having that one big stopper doesn't necessarily do you much good if the rest of your rotation and bullpen (not to mention your manager) doesn't come through. Pedro was the best pitcher in baseball during most of his years for the Sox, and he was lights out in the post season too, but what good did it do them when they had to follow him up with the likes of Steve Avery and Jeff Fassero and Pat Rapp? Maybe the Sox are better off this year with a bunch of guys who have shown they can keep the game close than with one "dominating factor"...

But it's nice to know that all those other fans out there are watching me. Even if they do live in Chillicothe, Missouri, the home of sliced bread (no crullers there either I guess).

I hope the Sox do can do something to reverse the way this day has been going for me, started out bad and only has gotten worse... Funny (and by funny I mean not funny at all) how every now and again every thing will converge into one giant crapfest.

I guess it's the day-in-the-life equivalent of getting blown out by 12 runs and committing a half dozen errors. Sometimes that's just the way it goes.

Hang in there, HB, the strip was great today and all of us Soxaholix really appreciate the hospitable gathering place you provide. Everybody has bad days at the office and home etc. and it will pass.

Have a cruller and an IPA, and go curl up with a good book. Clement will handle KC

Ah, I'm sorry, h.b. I laughed at the guys talking about feeling watched today. A couple of days ago, I printed out that Manny paragraph from awhile back (the one that ends "Burn Manny, he's a witch. Yawn...") that I'm so fond of. It's now the only scrap of personality-indicator hanging up near my desk at work.

Sounds like it might be more than just a bad day at work for you if you're getting blown out by 12 runs. I hope you feel better, h.b., and I hope the Sox give you a hand doing so. I love the strip/blog/whatever-the-fuck-this-is.

Feel good knowing the joy you provide us on a daily basis. No matter how down your 12-0 whuppin might get you, just remember this:

http://redsox.mostvaluablenetwork.com/wp-content/images/OrtizTrophy.jpg

HB--Sometimes ours is only to endure...and then its the weekend.

Cheers to you and your efforts to engross and entertain.

whoever wastes there time ranting about the red sox are a bunch of wussssssssssssies because the yankees rule

and they will win the east this year mark my words if the sucky sox can come from behind as many games as they were down last year to win the far superior team the yankees can do it this year watch out sox fans and also how can i get a nudie shot of hazel mae thats the only thing in boston worth talking about

RED SOX SUCK SHORT CHUBBY ZIMMER DICK

YANKEES NUMBER 1
DONT FORGET IT

WHOS A BIGGER STIFF THAN TERRY FRANCOMA.

AWNSER; MY PANTS WHEN I LOOK AT HAZEL MAES RACK

B-Dog, does the "B" stand for bitch? Does your keyboard have lower case? Are you older than 14?

Thank you for your imput, now just go back to your homework so you don't have to spend a 3rd year in grade 7.

Big Bri's AAA replacement is so not cutting it. All caps? Run-on sentences? Nice try. Now get ready for school, B, the bus is here.

Turned off game when it was tied up (5:30 am wakeup call), went to bed with a bad feeling in my stomach. Don't need to know the details, just want to know why they couldn't pull it off after being ahead 3-0 with a FREAKIN' MILLAR HR! Shouldn't that be an automatic win when that happens?

We had a chance to make up ground on Satan's army last night (who the f*** scores 9 runs in one inning against the MFY in Spankee Stadium? Why can't the Sox do that?) and we didn't. God, I hope this isn't a sign that the Sox are running out of gas.

BTW, h.b. I hope things are better today. I do appreciate this cartoon/weblog in the morning - it makes me feel connected to my homeland from 1,000 miles away. Maybe you can tell what's been getting to you or is it personal/we wouldn't understand?

"BigBri's AAA replacement is so not cutting it."

ha ha ha ha, that's exactly what I was thinking. I was about to wax poetic for the BigBri days, and then I came to my senses.

I saw the replay on the sac fly that won it last night - I dunno it looked like Tek got the tag down but blue didn't help us out. Obviously there's the whole "shouldn't have let a guy get to third anyway" thing. Oh well, still 3.5 games up. Would've been nice to put another game in there but today's another game.

Today is continuing just where yesterday left off, unfortunately.

Nothing terribly tragic, to use the baseball analogy again, just lots of boneheaded stuff piling up and making giving the other team a big inning early... appliance snafus, delivery people not coming when expected, the typical day job crapatisms, a fuck of a sinus/allergy headache ...

Will try to get a strip out today, but no promises... should be back to more normal tomorrow (at least the sinus problem should abate as I'm on the meds)...

Meanwhile, I'm nervous as all hell about Schilling tonight.

Ahh, I was thinking about the beer jingle comment from yesterday. I can remember when Curt Gowdy was selling Carling Black Label beer on Red Sox radio. "Mabel - Black Label! There goes that call again, that friendly cheerful call again, the finest beer in all the land, Carling Black Label beer!" And, of course, the jingle that would probably get a company sued by the MADD crowd: "Schaefer is the one beer to have when you're having more than one!" So, if you want a beer or two, buy something else, but if you really want to get smashed, buy our stuff.

Then I moved to Chicago and listened to Harry Carey sell Fallstaff: "Time to open another Fallstaff!" and you just knew he was doing it, too, right there in the booth on the air. I was at old Comiskey Park and the broadcast was piped into the PA in the john. Harry's starting a commercial and says, "Do you know where all the real beer drinkers are?" and I spoke up and said, "They're in the john taking a piss in the 5th inning!" to general hilarity.

Oh, by the way, right now my favorite hurler is that batboy who drank the gallon of milk on a bet and then puked it all up. He's been suspended for 6 games by the ball club, but nothing happened to the pitcher who put him up to it. Where's the justice in that?

h.b., take a day off if you need it. Nothing great to write about today anyways, except maybe the new ban on "Yankees Suck" shirts. But really, if the problem is the word "Suck" (it can't be the hateful sentiment behind it, since that'd ban YH hats and other things)...then I don't see the problem. Lots of things in this world suck and if your kid doesn't hear it in 4th grade, he probably heard it in 3rd.

h.b., I was taking a quick peek before I head out the door for the wilds of Maine (yeah, right, Bar Harbor) since I won't be connected to the 'net until I get back.

Sorry to hear about your sinus issue. Bet you never thought you'd have something in common with our favorite Fustilug.

Not to give unsolicited medical advise, but you can use Afrin nasal spray at night to help you sleep for 2 or 3 days before you start needing to use it more and more often (a phenomenon tachyphylaxis in the medical biz).

I am off to have blueberries and lobster at every meal or until I pee blue and start walking backwards. Keep the Faith and see you in a week.

Hey get better h.b. I'm sure no one would complain if the temp had to deliver the news tomorrow morning. As for Schilling, I'm not *that* worried. Figure Wallace and Tito will have him on a short leash with someone else ready for long relief at the first sign of trouble. I really do think that a good starter is not necessarily a good closer and vice versa - it's two different approaches to the game, based on how many innings you're expected to pitch. I think Schilling will be okay though if he's not worrying about getting each and every guy out.

If not, well, we'll always have last October.

Storyline of the last night:

The Red Sox left 13 men on base, as did the Royals. Boston was 2-for-10 with runners in scoring position, hit into a couple of double plays and didn't score over the final eight innings.

Not much to take from that HB. I say give yourself a 24 hour break.

Good points all.

There really isn't much to say about last night is there?

In general, the last two weeks of August, even in the midst of a pennant race, the games always seem lacking. It's a no man's land between knowing there aren't many games left in the season, but it's still too soon to get caught up in the full on September vibe.

Well, let's just hope Schilling can get back on track, although I disagree with the boston.com blogger Eric Wilbur who hyperventilates today that tonight's game "isn't just the rubber game of this 3-game series in KC. In essence, tonight is the rubber game of the Sox' 2005 season."

Re: the t-shirt slogan that may not be worn or spoken... maybe fans could start chanting it during the pause in "Sweet Caroline" instead of saying "bop bop bop" or whatever it is they say. The number of syllables make it a perfect fit. Then if the brass doesn't like it, at least we can retire that annoying little ditty -- though it will no doubt be replaced with something equally inane.

Hyperventilates- seriously. I have a hard time believing that a game against KC at the end of August is going to make or break our season. I guess with the absence of CHB's weekly curse rants, someone's gotta prophecy the beginning of the end. Put him on the wagon with Edes I guess.

Re-Yankees Suck
I also have a hard time believing that we're saving the souls of the children by eliminating these shirts, especially when I tune in to the LLWS and see fourth graders dropping F-bombs all over the place. Agreed that it reflects poorly upon our fan base, but what do they want?

"Yankees are an inferior opponent whose smug arrogance and astronomical payroll communicate to me that they should not get any respect!"

just chill and relax h.b. we'll all survive the downtime-well maybe not B-Dog but he'll always have hazel.

I can sympathize with your allergy condition. Up here in the Northwest it seemed like allergy season never ended this year. Take care and we'll read ya later.

HB, I've had allergies all my life, and August-September is my worst time of year too. I don't know if you drink much beer, but you might want to lay off it during hay fever season. There is something in the hops that aggravates hay fever. I find I can drink wine, gin and tonic or anything else in late August/early September, but one beer and my nose blows up worse than Mariano Riviera in the 2004 playoffs.

having to been to more Sox-MFY clashes in the Bronx than at Fenway since moving here, I can affirm that security personnel in NY have been forcing fans to remove or turn "Boston Sucks" shirts inside out for some time now. Smells like a directive from MLB headquarters to me. How bout "Selig Sucks" instead?

You've had a great month and I knew it was coming...it this the beginning of "h.b. being h.b."?
Just kidding. You've stretched out the Red Sox Nation with the best of consistantly poignant humor. As Twain said: "The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow." Who knows more sorrow than the Red Stockings followers? Laying off beer for any reason? Can't agree with that one PSPop.

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