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Trade Week Jittahs

Bill:
So we go on vacation with the Sox a half a game back and return from vacation in first by a game and a half … I'll take it.

 

Doug:
Absolutely, and thank Christ I'm rested and ready to deal with what always seems to amount to the most nail biting week of the regular season: the final countdown to the trading deadline.

 

Bill:
No kidding. And you know just because every major trade, like Nomah last yeah, has come out of the blue and not been forseen by the pundits, won't mean that I don't obsessively read every trade rumor out there in the media and the boards.

 

Doug:
Last yeah at this time we knew the team wasn't World Series contendah ready and this yeah's no different.

 

Bill:
They need another stahtah and a relievah.

 


Bill:
Christ, that's what I hate about this time of yeah. On the one hand, I don't even know if Burnett is worth an Arroyo, yet on the othah hand, the thought of Burnett being dealt the the White Sox makes me go mental.

 

Doug:
Meanwhile, now that Lance Armstrong has retiahd, can we go back to relegating cycling to the "who cares?" sports category where it belongs?

 

Bill:
No shit. I mean sure Lance Ahmstrong has a haht one third lahgah than a typical human being, but, c'mon, does he have nads the size of Saturn like Bronson does?

 

Doug:
Right, note to Phil Liggett: skelators in bright spandex going up a hill and then back down a hill (rinse lathah repeat) for 120 kilometers is, er, fucking dull already, OK?

 

Bill:
And no offense but those guys are so doped a dude like Giambi could sniff their post race piss and reap a 3 homah aftahnoon from the fumes alone.

 

Doug:
Ah, so that explains Juicy Jason's recent streak with the bat.

 

Comments

You're back! YOU'RE BACK! It's been like going a week without coffee.

Always good to hear that folks missed the strip.

But, man, I tell you, after more than a week of not doing it, it was difficult to get back in the swing this morning. Amazing how quickly the brain gets out of shape for it. (That's why today's strip didn't appear until later than usual.)

And what a week you missed ... just the last weekend, Baltimore swept by the Devil Rays, Yankees almost swept by the Angels, Sox evening up with the best team in the league. Can't complain ...

Welcome back.

Yeh welcome back, hb. I was hoping we'd hit 100+ posts last week (a la surviving grady) but no cigar.

And the NY-creep-who-shall-not-be-named was absent for a while too, which made reading the posts that much better.

Don't think I lke the sound of Arroyo leaving the Sox only because what's out there isn't much better (BTW, heard his CD was the #1 seller in Boston last week and is #112 on Amazon's best selling CDs for the week - wow, is the music industry THAT weak?)

HB, want to start a petition to free the Hazel Mae Two? :)

I went on vacation the week before you; saw Wakefield on the Vineyard with his family, and then a Cape League game before taking my girlfriend (a casual MFY fan) to Fenway for the first time...she met El Tiante and Sam Horn and loved the place. I'm hoping the conversion process has started.

Anyway, the point is: I ended up missing effectively two weeks of Soxaholix instead of just one. Next time you need to coordinate your vacation with your readers!

We conspiracy theorists are loving it. hb goes away, and Big Bri goes away.

hb, are you now, or have you ever been........

Welcome back HB. We've got to make hay in Tampa Bay while the Crankees fight it out in the Bronx with their wild-card rivals, the Twins.

Please Theo, don't trade Bronson for AJ Burnett! All that will do will be to guarantee the NL Cy Young Award for Bronson, while sending a CD of stale cover tunes to the top of the charts in yet another city. On the plus side, if Bronson gets traded to Miami, his next effort may be a rock-rap fusion record with Shaq. That collaboration may actually produce a track that could rival William Shatner's "Mr. Tambourine Man" on some future All-Time What Were They Thinking? list...


BTW: Whose bicycle spokes had the Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield and Jason Giambi rookie cards clickety clacking in them down the Champs Elysees?

glad you're back, h.b., and I love the strip.

I'm a big fan of cycling, but I admit I laughed at the 'skeletors in bright spandex' line. I find the sport a hell of a lot more interesting to watch than, say, golf, but that's just me.

I will point out that even though cycling has had (and continues to have) doping issues, at least the governing body has the stones (Saturn sized?) to test randomly and relentlessly (immediately after Lance won the stage on Saturday, he had to go fill a cup) and punish harshly (see Tyler Hamilton, a fan favorite who got banned from the sport for an extended period due to a positive on a brand new test that some say isn't reliable). Their efforts to expose dopers and clean up the sport make MLB's look feeble by comparison...

Ames,

I'm a pretty big fan of cycling myself. Hell, I even like soccer, too, but that doesn't mean the characters won't rip it (and anything else) when they get the chance.

No sacred cows around here.

Has anyone else noticed that almost anything that has any relevant baseball information on ESPN.com is now "insider" only. Can't even read Gammo anymore...

For the last time:
I DON'T WANT YOUR SHITTY MAGAZINE. I do however want to be able to see what is going on around the league. Can we reach a compromise here? How about I'll become an insider (for $40?!?) just so you can have another name on your subscribers list and you stop doing stupid sensationalistic exposes on shit like "the secret reason the Pats aren't going to win the Super Bowl" (again) and "what kind of music does LeBron have in his iPod?". No? Well screw you then.

"[N]o offense but those guys are so doped a dude like Giambi could sniff their post race piss and reap a 3 homah aftahnoon from the fumes alone." Did you really write that shit, hb, or do you have some comic geniuses on contract to come up with the funniest lines ever written? Holy shit, I have to go change pants 'cause I peed a little bit from laughing so hahd.

Never mind Burnett. I'll keep my formerly-cornrowed and future-CyYounger, Arroyo. Who knows? Schill-dizzle might be back in form within a week or two. Closers, on the other hand...

I'm soooo glad to hear the "piss fumes" line made you laugh.

Like I commented earlier, today was a struggle. Sometimes I write something and have a pretty good idea it's funny, but other times, like today, I'm just trying to get something out there and hoping for the best.

Wow, you're right. The only MLB content that's not insider only are items about Barry Bonds, celebrity Little League memories and something about the Washington Nationals' ballpark.

HB, Maybe you could have one of your female characters returning home on Air France sitting next to someone with a "Livestrong" bracelet and a Sheryl Crow t-shirt, arguing about whether Lance is a better athlete than 'Tek...
Or how about a Sox fan and a Pacers fan getting into it about whether Bronson's CD is better than Ron Artest's?
Sorry. A week away from the strip has been hard to take. I'll stop now and go back to my corner...

Anybody who tweaks Armstrong is ok with me. No way he's clean. Anybody who says he is the world's greatest athlete is a moron. He may be the world's greatest endurance athlete, but so what? Did anyone consider Vasily Alexeev the world's greatest athlete because he was the strongest guy in the world?

Furthermore, he's a complete scumbag for cheating on the mother of his three children, whom he was so willing to exploit in his quest for international superstardom. Dump those stupid yellow bracelets, people!

h.b - welcome back. Great strip, as always.

Sox Fan - lance has been tested 8 ways till Sunday and always come up clean. Get over it. If you are willing to dump the 'stupid yellow bracelets' because Lance cheted on his wife, then be prepared to dump the REALLY stupid Red bracelets 'cuz Johnny Damon did the same thing.

BigBri,
Ignoring one of my long held rules of not arguing with a fool, here goes:
Neither Damon nor the majority of America consider him to be a heroic figure. Damon, if you havent heard, is an idiot.

If you think the testing progrms work, you're nuts. Read Will Carroll's book. The drug designers are consistently ahead of the testers.

SoxFan - Thanks so much for taking the time to 'argue' with this fool. Johnny damon is NOT a hero in the eyes of Red SAWX Nation. Got it.Thanks so much for clearing that up. You are a friggin' GENIUS.

Will Carroll is right and everybody else is wrong. Once again, got it. Thanks so much.

I will try again -- there is a difference between a "heroic figure" and a sports idol. Lance is regarded as a heroic figure because he overcame cancer and won 7 TDFs (three others won 5 btw, so big deal). People think Johnny Damon is a cool guy, chicks want to get action from him. Nobody thinks he's heroic.

Not a real tough distinction for an average human being, but you probably think A-Rod was heroic for slapping Bronson.

People think Damon is cool because of his accomplishments on the field. They wear red bracelets and WWJDD t-shirts to honor him. Likewise with Lance. No distinction to be drawn.

No need to split hairs between 'sports idols' and heroic figures'.

I don't think A-Rod is a hero for slapping Arroyo. I think he's an idiot for not lowering his should and planting that puny little pussy in right field. However, I'll GURANTEE that YOU think Varitek is a hero for mushing his glove in A-Rod's face.

What a nation of hypocrites...

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