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The Devil (Ray) is in the details


Mike:
Yeah, unlike the rest of Tampa Bay, Pinella actually has had some experience with baseball playoffs.

 

Susan/Circle:
Hey, the D-Rays are only 8 and a half back now … maybe this year is their next year?

 

Mike:
Well, could be … unlike the Red Sox, the Devil Rays actually seem capable of beating up on the other teams in the division. They've swept the Yankees. They've swept Baltimore …

 

Susan:
Christ, how sick is it that I'm sitting here looking at the Tampa Bay Devil Rays with envy?

 

Mike:
Ah, no sickah than my Cinderella story daydream in which the recently re-signed Rich Garces eats his way up from the low minors to the big club and becomes the bullpen saviour.

 

Susan/Circle:
Get the fuck out, El Guapo is back?!

 

Mike:
Hell yeah he is. Haven't you heard, in 2005 'old' is the new 'new'. How else do you explain Jane Fonda's anti-war vegetable oil powered bus tour?

 

Susan/Circle:
It's 1969 all ovah again. Minus the sex orgies, of course, or rathah, one would hope. I mean the geriatric Barberella is wrinkle free, but you can't Botox a pussy as far as I know.

 

Mike:
Eew! Disgusting mental image …

 

Susan/Circle:
So if Garces does make a miraculous comeback, will the "El Guapo's Ghost" dude have to change the name of his blog to "El Guapo's Corporeal Omniprecence" or something?

 

Comments

Is it me, or does this post have a Gary Trudeau post-1990 feel, i.e., starts out not funny, gets funnier but never quite makes it?

The botox comment, is that the Epstein-hat-backwards-Millar-drinking-Jack-in-the-clubhouse kinda edgy Red Sox blog post?

At least the obligatory reminder was there that the D-rays have beaten the yanks and the birds, although what relevance that has (other than mollifying anger over last night) is difficult to decipher.

Done in by unlucky bounces (ball hits Trot on basepaths, Trot misses ball in outfield) is acceptable against the White Sox but not against the Rays. I hate to say MUST WIN in July, but the next three in Tampa Bay come as close to that situation as I can think of. Whatever happens I hope Theo doesn't push the panic button and give away one of the top prospects for an arm. Tell El Tiante to fire up the grill and get some Cuban sandwiches ready for Guapo. For that matter, maybe Luis could come in and help out. His knees and back are probably in better shape than the Eunuch's...

No, it's not you. That's an apt description of today's post.

Still haven't shaken my post vacation rustiness. Plus, some days I just can't connect things together all that well.

Doesn't help, too, that I was up until about 2 hours before I had to get up reading the latest Harry Potter.

Reminds me: Do not watch a lousy Red Sox game and then read Harry Potter for a couple hours before going to bed. Leads to whacky nightmares I tell you.

Almost based today's strip on said nightmares, but in the end couldn't get it to work. Which, incidentally, would help explain why today's installment falls a bit flat. Whenever I go down one thematic path and then have to back out and start again it makes me get into a creative panic.

But, like with hitting a baseball, you may have a 4 for 4 game with 2 homers only to then go into an 0-23 slide. Still you get into the box and take your cuts.

Don't worry HB, a game like last night's would make anyone wish they were back on vacation. Let's hope tonight (and thus tomorrow's strip) is a different story.

BTW, Help is on the way from the Pawsox. Manny Delcarmen should bolster the bullpen with some pretty nasty stuff:

http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/articles/2005/07/26/delcarmen_to_make_major_move/

I think you're too hard on yourself, h.b. The botox pussy reference is brilliant....

I saw a few photos of El Guapo throwing (maybe in Florida?), and I was sure I saw a couple of those Greenpeace wackos preparing to drag him back into the surf.

Is it me, or does the team seem....flat? I know it's almost into the dog days, but the only emotion I've seen lately was Schill's wry smile when Manny hauled in Uribe's liner for the final out.

Let's see if Delcarmen can help the pen.....

HB- Thanks so much for directing me to penile fitness magazine ( 'minus the sex orgies' link regarding Jane Fonda) - I just don't think I would have found it through my usual channels. One question I have for Will and Jada, as well as Demi and Bruce and Tom and Nicole, regarding the policy of fooling around on the side is just fine as long as you 'ask first" . Did you ask your kids permission to fool around on the side too? Cause I know most kids dont want to "hear it first" on penile magazine's web site. Or on the soxaholic either I would imagine.
Weird, but not in the same league as the guy with the peace signs painted on his huge testicles....

We don't use botox, but there is no reason to lack in pussy confidence at any age. Please consider our wide range of services.
http://www.wellnesskliniek.com/N_designer_vaginas.htm

I had this crazy nightmare last night. I was the Manchurian Candidate, and I had been brainwashed and programmed to shoot......Pedro! But I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger, and caught myself just in time.

Now Millar, on the other hand...

"Weird, but not in the same league as the guy with the peace signs painted on his huge testicles...."

You're right: naked old guy covered in peace symbols with saline solution engorged scrotum is in a league of it's own as far as links go. Total gem.

OK, so MR & MRS. Fresh Prince have a "Ask first" fooling around clause. C'mon. I could see Tom Arnold asking for one, but my recollection is that Jada is pretty damn hot. Although, according to the article, Will was tempted by EVA MENDES. I can see that. This does have baseball overtones as the trade deadline looms. Arroyo or Burnett? Theo, take a cue from Bruce, Demi, Tom and Nicole. Don't throw away something good (long-term) so something new and exciting (and inevitably brief). Dude, it may seem like a good idea at the time...but the next morning?

GaryGeiger: I think the boys all feel alittle unsettled..waiting to see who stays and who goes. Kinda like an episode of "Survivor" or "Saving Private Ryan": don't get too attached to the new guys; he might be gone tomorrow. I wonder if they will settled down after the deadline?

FoT- brilliant analysis. Maybe they have a little insider knowledge that something big is going down, but don't have all the details? I like the idea that they're all waiting to see what goes down before they romp through the last two months.

hb-"but you can't Botox a pussy as far as I know"
Holy shit. Once again, my monitor is covered in coffee.

BTW- what the fuck was Stern doing off third? I wasn't watching the game but I do know that there wasn't anyone on 2nd. That coupled with Trup and Castiglone's analysis made it sound like a game costing rookie mistake. Ah well. 99 games without extra innings- i'm thinking that's neither good nor bad. It just is.

I sing the Soxaholix praises plenty... no need to be hard on your work... I still keep coming back everyday, and glad your back from vacation... hope it was a good one... gonna be another long nail biting summer... damn it, I love the Sox!!

We can talk all the shit about the DRays we want, but those fuckers can play. If they had more than family members and that asshole heckler show up at the game, they might actually be a winning ballclub, as the fans in the stands have a huge impact on how well a team plays.

"If they had more than family members and that asshole heckler show up at the game, they might actually be a winning ballclub"

Absolutely right, da kine.......not to mention their gaping asshole manager

At first I wanted to blame Stern too, but the ball came quickly to the pitcher. He wasn't in bad position.

Sure, if he had thought very quickly to scoot back to third he would've been able to make it, but he is thinking home.

It was just unlucky. Just like Trot getting hit by Olerud: he could've missed that shot, if he had kept running, or not been moving. But when the unexpected happens and you have only a split second to act, you often get screwed.

h.b.: although I did think that the strip was a little flat today (except for "botox a pussy"--which somehow made me cringe and laugh at the same time--and "El Guapo's Corporeal Ominpresence" which is simply a wonderful turn of phrase), I forgive you completely since apparently part of the cause was reading Harry Potter. Glad to hear that you too can take a healthy interest in what is ostensibly kids' stuff...but then I guess baseball is a kids' game anyway.

Err, just noticed this...I dutifully inform you that the Devil Rays are in fact 18.5 games back, not 8.5. Would be quite the friggin' 5-team race (like the NL East) if the Devil Rays were that close.

I couldn't be happier that the Halama Experiment is now over.

http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/articles/2005/07/26/sox_call_up_delcarmen_halama_released/

Thankyouthankyouthankyou. Now let's see what Declarmen's got...

FIRE. DALE. SVEUM.

Geez.

Missed ya HB.

This just in...the D Rays are the Chi Sox minus two good starters and the AL Central. But seriously...I just can't explain how the Rays are beating up the AL East this year. Can we try some of that Botox on Sweet Lou's pussy?

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