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Foulke broils another Whoppah


Susan/Circle:
Whoa. That dude needs to, er, probably get out more often or something. Wearing wristbands and listening to commercial rock does not a revolution make.

 

Mike:
Even Bob "Up All Night" Geldof had to confess to the conceit when he said, "Something must be done, even if it doesn't work."

 

Susan/Circle:
Funny, that's exactly what I was saying about the Red Sox bullpen.

 

Mike:
Bring in "Kevin" the closah to hold a run lead in the 9th? Not a chance.

 

Susan/Circle:
I think we have located Heathcliff Slocumb's evil twin and his name is Kevin.

 

Mike:
There's nothing, nothing worse than a shaky bullpen.

 

Susan/Circle:
Is it optimistic or pessimistic when I say I can feel a lot worse than this and still feel fine?

 

Mike:
I dunno because I can feel a lot bettah than this and still feel bad.

 

Susan/Circle:
We may be looking at one long fuck of a summah …

 

Comments

Read in the Herald that Texeira saw Foulkie's Change "right out of his hand"...so, when you know he's got two pitches and you can recognize one of them, well...things get pretty simple...

That and the reduced difference between FB and CU indicate that Foulke needs to re-tool and go middle-relief. The free pass from his balls-out performance in the playoffs has expired.

Timlin is the only interim solution--"who to acquire and at what price?" is now the issue. I think Bronson is not effective enough against Left-handed batting to be the closer.

I have all of the Coldplay albums and they get decreasingly interesting with each release. They're approaching AOR level--radio for stay at home Moms...feh.

Martin is a bit pretentious, even for a British rock star.

Apple?

You know, I've tried listening to Coldplay, and I just don't get them. Just like Radiohead. Maybe at age 41 I really have turned into my parents, but I have to ask the twentysomethings: Do you really think bands like this don't suck?

And all I have to say about Foulke is that Johnny Burger King was right: our so-called "closer" sucks worse than Coldplay. It's Timlin Time until Theo can get us a new full time closer (that is, IF he can get one on the market).

Best description I've heard of Coldplay: "Radiohead Lite." And that was for the second LP. Give me the first four Ramones LPs any day (or anything by Mission of Burma). And I agree with AJM 1st paragraph - the homogonized bands we hear nowadays are a result of MTV warping our children's brains since 1980. But that's another blog.

Any chance we can shanghai "What the" Foulke for military service in the middle east? Korea? Mars?

"Give me the first four Ramones LPs any day..."

Rented END OF THE CENTURY:The Story of the Ramones over the weekend.

Some thoughts:

-Johnny was a miserable bastard, but is probably a more important rock guitarist than most give credit for

-Dee Dee was dumb, but not stupid (see the film to understand)

-Feel bad for Joey on many levels

-They essentially kicked off British Punk Movement and never received the same fame/notoriety as some of the bands they inspired

-Personal note: Joe Strummer input was very welcome

-Most amusing anecdote? Stylist relates tale of Johnny Rotten being worried that the Ramones would beat him up if he entered their dressing room

I'm probably the #1 Timlin fan and I have to say I don't think he's lights-out enough to be a closer except in spot situations. And as much as Foulke is a problem with no apparent solution already on the Sox staff, I really don't think there's anybody out there who's worth a prospect or two or a daily position player (one that we could move, anyway). There's a lack of skilled pitchers out there these days, and the Sox have already been down the long road of buying-a-hot-arm (Gordon, Urbina, Lyons, Suppan, Williamson, Foulke(?)).

Personally I think the best way to avoid blown saves is to avoid save situations and let Foulke work his way out of the doldrums. Usually when I hear Francona talking about pitchers struggling and getting their confidence back, I used to roll my eyes, but I'm not sure El Tito is completely off the chalk on this one. As one commentator said of the 15-2 debacle the other night at Fenway, there wasn't much said about Embree's scoreless relief work, and he was another goat from weeks past. Maybe a few no-pressure situations will right Foulke.

Incidentally, I watched Oil Can get the W for the Brockton Rox, giving up only a 2-run shot and a few hits in 7 innings of work. I think his fastball topped out around 87. Still has the signature 'Can' delivery. I think he put on 3 pounds since he was last in the majors.

Okay, hypothetical question here: If you are the "closer" for a major league baseball team, aren't you supposed to "close out" the game? When was the last time Foulke had a save, anyway? I agree that Foulke's "Get Out of Jail Free Card" is over and done with. White Mage from Final Fantasy 1 could do a better job saving a game than Foulke is doing now. Well, come to think of it, White Mage was pretty badass anyway...

I say we demote Foulke to working the grill at the ballpark, and then the management should spend the money from the Ring Raffle to hold open tryouts for a month for the closer position. Who knows? We might start winning consistently again.

Keith Foulke = Mariano Rivera in disguise... take the first two letters of Keith and Foulke, and Mariano and Rivera. F and K, M and R. They are both five letters apart. Coincidence? :-P

Also, F is seven letters from M, and K is seven letters from R. Wow, the plot thickens... I think they just traded souls... lol.

Why in the world is Foulke's fb only hitting 85-86 with the occasional 88-89? He seemed to have his velocity back last week but last night his velocity sucked again. He must be injured. A guy with an 86 mph fb and a 78 mph cu that is tipping his pitches is a recipe for disaster. I also read somewhere that Mench was looking for a cu and got a fb on his gw-hit. You know your fb is useless when a guy is expecting cu and can still react and rope your fb

Foulke. What really is left to say except right now he sucks so bad, he'd have trouble putting the cat out.

I burned a Ramones CD for my 7-year-old son for him to listen to it in the car instead of my wife's Bon Jovi or the nauseating Kids Bop XXL. He loves them, so there is hope for future generations, I guess.
It's funny as hell when he picks out a piece of lyrics and asks what me what it means. He'll be like "did he say 'shoot them in the back now'? What does that mean?'" And I'm like 'nothing. just go with it.'"

Foulke. What really is left to say except right now he sucks so bad, he'd have trouble putting the cat out.

I burned a Ramones CD for my 7-year-old son for him to listen to it in the car instead of my wife's Bon Jovi or the nauseating Kids Bop XXL. He loves them, so there is hope for future generations, I guess.
It's funny as hell when he picks out a piece of lyrics and asks what me what it means. He'll be like "did he say 'shoot them in the back now'? What does that mean?'" And I'm like 'nothing. just go with it.'"

What is left to say about Foulke? If you remove the 'F', 'O', 'L' and 'E' with two 'S' and a 'C', you get "Keith Sucks" Coincidence? I wonder.

I burned a Ramones CD for my 7-year-old son to listen to in the car instead of my wife's bon jovi crap or the nauseating KipsBop XXL.
He loves it, so there is hope for future generations.

As one of the twentysomethings you refer to AJM, let me be the voice of reason: Radiohead definitely does not suck. If you get the cahnce to see them live, take advantage of a good situation.

Can for Closer!

Thank God the O's and Yanks have been just as bad...how we're still 2.5 in front is just amazing.

I think I am going to just read about the results next day in the paper until the All-Star break...the 7-8-9 innings are making me age too quickly.

You'd think Eric Van's numbers on Keith Foulke would all read "666" by now...??

You'd think Eric Van's numbers on Keith Foulke would all read "666" by now...??

Damn, I guess I'm in the minority that likes Coldplay. I don't get into who is playing the music, just the music itself. If we cared so much about who was behind the music, we could count on one hand the bands we would like. Most are egomaniacs, much like ballplayers. But hey, I think you have to have that to get to the top 1% of your profession.

That said, I dislike egotistical people that can't back it up, much like our own "Kevin" Foulke. I don't know what's higher; Johnny from Burger King's cholesterol or Foulkie's ERA in save situations? The 6.23 ERA is a mirage, he's been so much worse. Tito's let him pitch in some blowouts just so his stats look better. Think Theo's made the call to Seattle or Pittsburgh yet?

Damn, I guess I'm in the minority that likes Coldplay. I don't get into who is playing the music, just the music itself. If we cared so much about who was behind the music, we could count on one hand the bands we would like. Most are egomaniacs, much like ballplayers. But hey, I think you have to have that to get to the top 1% of your profession.

That said, I dislike egotistical people that can't back it up, much like our own "Kevin" Foulke. I don't know what's higher; Johnny from Burger King's cholesterol or Foulkie's ERA in save situations? The 6.23 ERA is a mirage, he's been so much worse. Tito's let him pitch in some blowouts just so his stats look better. Think Theo's made the call to Seattle or Pittsburgh yet?

I agree wholeheartedly with NV in SD. May curses and fulminations rain down upon those who dare compare Radiohead with those no talent ass-clowns in Coldplay. Or better yet, throw on some headphones, crank up "Paranoid Android," and then try to make those comparisons with a straight face.

And now to really stir the pot: The Stooges' "Raw Power" is better than any single song (or album) the Ramones ever recorded.

Oh yeah, baseball: Foulke blows. However, maybe we can turn this situation to our advantage. The last time we had a closer who blew this bad, we managed to unload him on the clueless Mariners for Varitek and Lowe. Maybe we can dump Foulke in the same manner? Seattle is just about out of the race, and will no doubt start unloading talent soon. It just so happens that the little talent they do have is concentrated in the bullpen, whose six regulars all have era's of 4.04 or less. Food for thought...

I know Bronson is not that great against lefties, but my 68 year old mother is better against lefties than Foulke seems to be. I think Foulke must be injured or 'not right in the head' or possibily both. Anyone else hear more about the rumor of an ugly divorce? Take it from me, that alone can fuck with your head, let alone having your FB down to 85 mph. Isn't that about how fast Wake's FB is? Dude, either get a knuckler or you are headed to middle-relief.

Any thoughts on who goes to the pen when Schill comes back? Gotta keep Clement and Wells as starters. Miller seems to need too long to warm up and get in the groove. It would be a shame to waste Wake since he seems to be back in the groove and Bronson has looked pretty fair. I'm just putting it out there, but maybe Schilling does a few short stints out of the pen until he is ready for a whole game? Would his ego take it?

//May curses and fulminations rain down upon those who dare compare Radiohead with those no talent ass-clowns in Coldplay. Or better yet, throw on some headphones, crank up "Paranoid Android," and then try to make those comparisons with a straight face.//

Wow, curse and fulminations for not liking a band? Pretty harsh. And I have listened to Paranoid Android...I was trying to get into them. Just didn't work. Hey, at least I didn't say they suck like say, Creed. And I like the Stooges and The Ramones, FWIW.

Onto more important things:

[jinx]THE BIG EUNUCH IS THROWING A PERFECT GAME!!!!!![/JINX ]

Yes! Tejada singles! Perfecto jinxed!

As a Mariners fan, I fear that if people equate Foulke with Slocumb, a trade will be made and the Sox will get Felix Hernandez and Ichiro for Foulke. I don't need that in my life again.

Coldplay is the musical equivalent of beige.

well played, AJM.

Ok, that "curses and fulminations" bit sounded a bit more hahhsh than I intended. I swear, it sounded absolutely hilarious in my brain when I composed it; on re-reading, not so much. Chalk it up to my deep and abiding hatred of Coldplay. Of course, all things are relative; you are right in noting that the device has yet to be invented that can accurately measure the suckitude of Creed, for instance.

Nice job jinxing Johnson's perfect game, by the way. Is your kung fu strong enough to cause, say, an 11 run ninth inning for the Orioles? (I know that, technically, it's actually better for us if the Yankees win this game, but I find myself genetically incapable of rooting for them. Ever.)

h.b., some problems in your strip today.

Frist pane no verb in dependent clause. "Live 8 [was]"?

Quote mark should be before Geldof (after Night).

I love the comparison to Live 8. Perfect.

I knew it... Foulke flying back to Boston for an MRI.

Coldplay sucks

I don't even know who Coldplay is. The newest band I listen to is The Wallflowers.

But I am SO HAPPY that Timlin closed tonight. TimTim makes for a great combination.

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