Bridge to Total Freedom (It's not a cult. Really.)

The Red Sox start another win streak, beating the Cleveland Indigenous Peoples 5-2 …

Bill:
So with a 5-2 lead and Wakefield turning the ball ovah to the pen, I'm thinking thank our inner thetans Foulke isn't on the bullpen value menu today.

 

---

Mike:
But then the Mantay Ray comes in and throws 6 consecutive balls and I'm feeling about as comfortable as a psychiatrist at a Scientology convention …

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, somebody dial up Tom and Katie and tell them the galactic tyrant Xenu is fucking with our bullpen again.

 

---

Mike:
Have You Lived Before This Life? Well, yes the fuck I have. In 2003 and it was called bullpen by committee, and I don't want to live it again, OK, L-Ron?

 

---

Bill:
Heh. But all's well that ends well. Mantei recovers, turns it over to Timlin and it's one, two, er, two and a quarter, ah, two and half, three(!) Timlin …

 

---

Mike:
Right, no need to dust off the Handbook for Preclears or call in the auditors just yet.

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, and talk about The Way to Happiness, ladies and gentlemen, behold Mr. Curt Schilling.

 

---

Mike:
Schilling "consistently topped 90 miles per hour on his fastball, and mixed in breaking balls consistently. At one point, he threw 15 straight strikes."

 

---

Bill:
Now that's what I call a friggin' alternative to psychiatry.

 

---

Mike:
Fuck yeah. Curt is our bridge to total freedom.

 

---

Hold the pickle. Hold the lettuce. (Blown saves do upset us.)

A horrible loss and the first time since July 19 of last year that the Red Sox lost a game they were leading after eight innings …

Doug:
Hey, if the friggin Royals, and I mean the tea slurping inbreds of Merry Old England and not the ball club in Kansas City, can get a DNA test on Harry, why can't we get one for Foulke?

 

---

Bill:
Absolutely. This 05 blown save Foulke is a total impostah.

 

---

Doug:
And who the fuck is this "Johnny from Burger King" he keeps seeing?

 

---

Bill:
Evidently Foulke hasn't seen how much a Fenway ticket costs. Takes a fuck of a lot of flame broiling just to get an obstructed view seat.

 

---

Doug:
Maybe he's being haunted by that weird fucking dude wearing the plastic, three times too big head in the Burger King commercials?

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, maybe Foulke is, you know, "Waking up with the King" … these days …

 

---

Doug:
Something's friggin' wrong, that's for sure.

 

---

Bill:
While it didn't go down so well the first time, I'm willing to try the Cla Meredith CROISSAN'WICH again.

 

---

Sweatin' to the oldies (b/w Steinbrenner gonna pump you up!)

Bill:
Forget about trying to figure out why the moon appeahs biggah when its on the horizon, let's talk about why the loss that ends a long win streak feels biggah …

 

---

Steve:
No kidding. Going from scoring umpteen runs a game to getting 3 hit and shut out is a sharp rejoinder. But, heh, beats the frig out of having some old nut job telling you you're not trying hard enough.

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, and I love that the wire story mentions that Steinbrenner dictated the statement to his publicist while lifting weights. Is that supposed to be scary or something?

 

---

Steve:
Yeah like we're all of a sudden going to be think he's some sort of physical Goliath and not just another one of those droopy skinned old guys haunting the gym in sweaty velour?

 

---

Bill:
I'm not sure what is more pathetic, the lifting weights image or the fact that he's delusional and doesn't realize his team can't be fixed by players trying hahdah because the Yankees are already playing up to their mediocre capabilities.

 

---

Steve:
All the wanting to win in the world and still, Tony Womack is Tony Womack.

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, but don't forget Georgie's secret weapon: the Cashman whiner line.

 

---

Steve:
Ah, of course. The Yankees' place in the standings has nothing to do with poor pitching and disastrous defense, no, it's all because of those damned dirty umps.

 

---

Taking the swoon out of June

For the moment, there is no force more dominant than the 2005 Boston Red Sox …

Susan/Circle:
What a weekend, stahting in second finishing in first.

 

---

Mike:
"Their most significant run since they ran the table in New York and St. Louis last Octobah."

 

---

Susan/Circle:
I'm as happy as a Saudi princess in Prada.

 

---

Mike:
Are you kidding me? Watching these last three with Philly, I felt like Katie Holmes at a Tom Cruise film festival.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
But thank Christ we've got Michael Silverman to remind us to "get a grip on our giddy selves and look at the calendar."

 

---

Mike:
No kidding. We are so lucky to have the dead tree columnists keeping it fucking real.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Hell yeah we are. I'd be totally flippin' lost without dudes like Silverman, Shank, and Tomase to elucidate the finah nuances of the game.

 

---

Mike:
Even Gammo has to remind us what unsophisticaed baseball cretins we are, preferring to bid highah for Esptein and Arroyo autographs ovah future hall of famah Greg Maddux.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Greg Maddux. Woo-Hoo.

 

---

For the times they are a-changin

Bill:
Did you read Tomase's response to his recent "Manny doesn't care" column?

 

---

Doug:
I stahted too but my eyes glazed ovah with boredom aftah the first few grafs …

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, the "oh poor me I'm just a poor misunderstood newspapah repotah " tude is so transparent.

 

---

Doug:
Using each email fans sent him as a chance to make a joke just reveals the typical media elitism. He's the smaht newspapah writah while his readahs, the fans, are a crazy, foul mouthed mob who just don't get it, right?

 

---

Bill:
Funniest thing is when he says to Google "Tomase Manny" to behold the long list of positive Manny articles he's written … only problem is if you actually do that the results are a bit different.

 

---

Doug:
I effin' love it. Top two results are of the BSMW blog being critical of Tomase and the rest of the page results are dominated by fan websites and message boards.

 

---

Bill:
If you're scoring that at home it's web geeks 8, Tomase 2. What were we saying about the growing irrelevance of these guys?

 

---

Doug:
Speaking of the inconsequential, I present to you the New York Yankees. "Does a team that goes 3-7 against Tampa Bay deserve to make the playoffs? I don't think so."

 

---

Bill:
Hey, the only pahk the D-Rays have a winning record in, and this includes their home field mind you, is "Teh Stadium." Too effin' funny.

 

---

Bill:
This '05 Spankees "are talented enough to put together occasional hot streaks, but not complete enough to sustain the type of high-level performance that has marked the Torre era.";

 

---

Doug:
Yeah it's like watching botoxed Wang Chung onstage in that reality show Old Fuckahs Try Again or whatever it's called.

 

---

No cold feet in Boston

Doug:
So last night when Embree came in the 6th with the bases loaded and no outs, my face went totally Jennifer Willbanks.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, seeing Embree walk into that situation can only make you empathize with the the bug-eyed bride not to be: A choice between suicide and running away, a bottle of pills or a bus ticket.

 

---

Doug:
But in just 6 pitches Embree strikes out pinch hitter José Hernández gets Jhonny Peralta to ground into a double play and it's all, whoa, I can take the fucking blanket off my head now.

 

---

Mike:
Without a doubt, we've just witnessed the most promising swatch of games the Sox have played in 2005

 

---

Doug:
Yeah and with the Red Sox continuing to hire braniacs like Eric Van to work on top secret stats-based projects.

 

---

Mike:
As his ex-wife says, "The Sox hiring Eric is like the police hiring a psychic to find a missing body.""

 

---

Doug:
The stats guys are becoming so important they should start putting them on baseball cards and shit.

 

---

Mike:
No kidding, kids in the math club would be all, "I'll trade you a Voros McCracken and Gary Huckabay for your Eric Van."

 

---

Doug:
You gotta wondah though how long before ol King George realizes he's getting outwitted and stahts to buy up all the stats talent.

 

---

Mike:
I can see the message board posts now: "How did the Red Sox let Eric Van go to the Yankees?" and "These stats guys have no loyalty, it's all about the benjamins."

 

---

Our daily bread

The Red Sox win in Cleveland propelled by the bat of the almighty one …

Mike:
So the face of Jesus on a tortilla? I'm cool with that, yo.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Shua. King of kings, planah of rough places, curah of lepahs, totally tortilla worthy …

 

---

Mike:
Right. And if the Holy Baby Mama appeahs on a slice of toast, well, OK, I can hang.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
The blessed among women, the full of grace, the fruited wombed, hell yeah they get their toast.

 

---

Mike:
But Michael Jackson, Michael frickin' Jackson on a toast? That shit don't fly.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Ah, memo to the miracle dude in chahge of putting heads on bread and cereal foodstuffs: What the fuck are you thinking?!?!

 

---

Mike:
Right. If you're going to open the whole face on bread thing beyond the membahs of the God Squad, you don't lead off with the perv Jacko fercrissakes!

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Talk about your messed up shit. How is it I live in world with a Michael Jackson face on toast but devoid of the David Ortiz face on toast?

 

---

Mike:
I want Big Papi's face on a staple food made from flour or meal and I want it now!

 

---

Give me a name

The Red Sox beat Cleveland, but barely …

Doug:
Man, I could really do without the blow outs turned into  nail bitahs in the late innings.

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, whenevah you find yourself saying, "Whew, good friggin thing Belhorn made that great slide in the 5th to get the 9th run" you'll get a bit wiggy.

 

---

Doug:
It's a win that feels sorta like a loss, but I'll gladly take it … Hey, Manny did OK for a guy who "does not care this season."

 

---

Bill:
You know I might take Tomase a bit more seriously if he didn't lead off with the pecuniary obsession, you know, counting up how much money Manny makes per second and all that.

 

---

Doug:
Yeah, it's a tad disingenuous to castigate playahs for being overly focused on salary while being obviously obsessed with dollahs and cents yourself.

 

---

Bill:
I love that anonymous sourcing, too, you know, the "According to a clubhouse source …" stuff … in this day and age that shit don't fly with the news seeking public.

 

---

Doug:
Absolutely. I half expect to read that according to an anonymous source Manny was seen flushing a Koran down a clubhouse toilet.

 

---

Numb3rs

Bill:
Nice homestand, eh? 5-1 in six games against the Pirates and Reds, Sox pitchers posting a 1.83 ERA …

 

---

Steve:
Yeah, well, pardon my stoicism, but the Reds and Pirates, uh, let's see, what's the word I'm looking for, oh right -- they suck.

 

---

Bill:
Jeez, you're a real Mr. Brightside this morning? You don't feel that things are really stahting to gel for the Sox just now?

 

---

Steve:
Feel? Gel? Dude, I'm a scientist not a guest on Oprah. Look at the numbers fercrissakes. According to the statistical models they're crunching at BP, the Orioles have a 70% lock on winning the division and the Red Sox only a measly 38% chance of even making the playoffs.

 

---

Bill:
The same numbahs show the Yankees as having only a 20% chance of making the postseason … Why do I get the sense that the real Yankees are going to take a different path than the probabilistic ones? Same goes for the Red Sox.

 

---

Steve:
I hope you're right. This series with 9 straight wins Cleveland is a good time to protect the "we are the champions" branding.

 

---

Bill:
No kidding, Cleveland's hottah than a Paris Hilton video at the moment.

 

---

They felt always an anxiety in the house

An off day for the Red Sox leaves time for quiet contemplation …

Bill:
OK, let me get this straight. Steinbrennah anoints his son-in-law as his successor and the dude's name just happens to be "Swindal"?

 

---

Doug:
Is that flippin sweet or what? You can't make shit like this up.

 

---

Bill:
How appropriate considering the Yankees are the Great Major League Baseball Swindle.

 

---

Doug:
What is it Johnny Rotten used to say, "Ever get the feeling that you've been cheated"? That's what Yankees fans must be thinking these days.

 

---

Bill:
The highest payroll in baseball and they're fielding Tony Womack and Rey Sanchez? Talk about getting punked.

 

---

Doug:
The Yankees are like the fucking freaky kid in that DH Lawrence short story … "There must be more money! There must be more money!"

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, somewhere in the bowels of "Teh Stadium" a frail and dying Brian Cashman is in his pajamas riding the piss out of a magic rocking horse and yelling "Malabah, Malabah! Must sign Malabah!"

 

---

Doug:
"Am I lucky, George? Am I lucky?"

 

---

Hey, I'm happy, I'm feeling glad

The Red Sox sweep the Reds …

Bill:
Man, this 4 game mini win streak has put me in a most excellent mood.

 

---

Steve:
Yeah, last night was all icing, Arroyo's got his Saturnalian nuts back, Big Papi gets jovial pregame then knocks in 3 runs, hell, even the news on Schilling is optimistic …

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, well we bettah keep this cheerfulness on the down low lest our Curly Haired Boyfriend outs us as being fat and happy and all breathless.

 

---

Steve:
Heh. You know Shaughnessy came up with that meme over the winter and has just been beside himself having to wait to smack us with it. Surprised he held off this long, really.

 

---

Bill:
I love that bit where the CHB quotes Halberstam saying after winning it's all going to be about "individual ambition" …

 

---

Steve:
Yeah, because, you know, it's not like any individuals were known to make private profit over not winning or anything, you know like writing books about curses and shit like that.

 

---

Bill:
Irony it seems is so not fucking dead aftah all.

 

---

Steve:
Reminds me, is it ironic or just pathetic that the Yankees are going to build a new stadium to save money and make more money?

 

---

Bill:
Sounds to me like a sad attempt to bury the recent past and start anew.

 

---

Steve:
26 World Championships suffocated in the rubble of one horrific loss.

 

---

Bill:
Ruth built the house and A-Rod slapped it down. Beautiful.

 

---

They do it down on camber sands

Susan/Circle:
Christ, David Wells is stahting to grow on me …

 

---

Mike:
I find myself in a situation unfathomable a couple of weeks ago: I'm actually looking forward to his stahts now.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Love the supahstitions of the no-no … "I knew it was going on. In the dugout, Clement wouldn't move. Bronson wouldn't move. Skid wouldn't move."

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, I was at the bah and wouldn't move even though my teeth were floating I had to piss so badly.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Meanwhile, this ass clown at SoSH nevah got the friggin' memo on no hittahs, jeez.

 

---

Mike:
Maybe it was that dude's way of saying he rejects the medievalism of superstition?

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Whatev. Even a strict secular humanist shouldn't take a dump in a church. You just don't mess with traditions. Besides Wells is 3 for 4 since bribing Rentaria to swap uni nums …

 

---

Mike:
As for the uni switch helping Edgahria, not so much.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
No kidding. Rent's slump has settled in like the mofo red tide.

 

---

Mike:
Don't even remind me. I've got the wicked jones for steamahs right about now.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
No kidding. I'm sweatin' lemon buttah ovah heah.

 

---

Roger's Rubbah, Dewey's Dew Grass

For the second night in a row, we saw the Red Sox team we've been hoping to see …

Doug:
Now that Michael Jackson has been acquitted, he can get down to the business of finding the real perp.

 

---

Mike:
Christ, despite being a diehahd Sox fan, I realize I'm a total lightweight compared to those Jacko fans who've been encamped for the past 4 and a half months at the trial.

 

---

Doug:
No kidding. As much as I worship Manny Ramirez, there's no way I'm quitting my job to form a prayah circle with some other bozos outside the court house should Manny evah find himself a defendant in a criminal trial. Sorry, Manny …

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, Manny was getting close to be arrested for impersonating a Major League ballplayah the past couple of weeks … glad to see him getting back in his groove these last few games.

 

---

Doug:
So it's the "Fisk Pole" now. I understand the gesture and don't want to anyway besmirch the legacy of the great Cahlton, but it just doesn't feel quite right, you know?

 

---

Mike:
Absolutely. It's kinda like how you can't make up your own nickname … stuff like that just has to seed, root, and grow on its own you just can't wave an unctuous corporate wand and declare it so.

 

---

Doug:
Yep. Pesky's Pole is Pesky's Pole because that's what everyone's been calling it since like forever. There was no "formal dedication."

 

---

Mike:
The other thing that bugs me, and seems to not sit well with Fisk himself either, is that while the Sox won Game 6 in '75 they lost Game 7 and the World Series along with it.

 

---

Doug:
Right. Do we really want to continue overly dramatizing and hyping the "we are number 2!" psychosis after winning it all last yeah?

 

---

Mike:
Ah, well, we should feel fortunate, I guess, that this is really all we have to bitch about.

 

---

Doug:
The Sox are 18-9 at home and have played the most road games of any team yet are within 3 of first? As Millar says, "It's June, and we're right there. You're starting to see this team come together."

 

---

Tough Crowd

In good fashion, the Red Sox avoid getting swept by the Cubs …

Steve:
Didn't I say there was a connection between Wakefield's struggles and Mirabelli being out a couple of weeks ago?

 

---

Bill:
Could just be a coincidence, but it does appear you've been vindicated. One run on only four hits in seven dominant innings. Sweet.

 

---

Steve:
And what about the slide at home?

 

---

Bill:
Oh, I'm lovin' the slide but can't shake the "what if" dread on that one. Imagine if Wake had gotten hurt?

 

---

Steve:
Yeah, any time you see Sveum doing the windmill it's involuntary sphincter clenching time.

 

---

Bill:
On the subject of bunghole tightening, looks like Theo's getting frustrated.

 

---

Steve:
The thing I don't get is how all of these conditions can be true: The status quo is not acceptable and something needs to be done, but this isn't an easy situation to fix and the club isn't going to make a trade solely for the sake of making one.

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, Epstein's totally pissin' into the wind. Worse paht is even if there are guys out there available as Orioles GM Flanagan says, "One of the most difficult things for anyone in the American League East in trading for pitching is judging who can pitch in that division"

 

---

Steve:
That's what made Schilling so special. He thrived with the weight of Red Sox Nation on his back all last season.

 

---

Bill:
You'd think there'd be more of that in baseball, you know, guys who more than anything want to be in the preshah cookah playing for eithah us or the Yankees.

 

---

Steve:
Yeah, if you're a 20 game winner with some bucolic la dee da team in flyover country, have you really proven yourself? Do you really want to rest on those laurels?

 

---

Bill:
Seriously, isn't that like being a star on the WB channel or being an admiral in the Canadian navy?

 

---

(No animals were harmed in producing this strip.)

The Red Sox are in Chicago to face the Cubs at Wrigley starting this afternoon …

Bill:
When I first saw this photo at the Globe I was all, "Why are they showing that Subway guy, Jared, in a Cubs cap? Who cares?"

 

---

Mike:
Poor Bartman. He not only is universally despised by Cubs fans everywhere, he also has to bear the indignity of being mistaken for Jared from Subway.

 

---

Bill:
You evah wondah what would have become of Bartman had fate been cruel enough to make him a Red Sox fan sitting at Fenway when he made his now infamous interference move 5 outs from a World Series?

 

---

Mike:
Heh. Something tells me it wouldn't have been as pleasant.

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, even with this nascent perception of a "kinder and gentler" Red Sox Nation, there's quite a difference between Red Sox fans and Cubs fans.

 

---

Mike:
Totally. I've nevah bought into this Cubs' fans are our "baseball cousins" horseshit of shared pain and all that.

 

---

Bill:
Seriously. I mean we've got some fan nut jobs for certain but not in the "let me bring my special billy goat friend to the game with me" nuts.

 

---

Mike:
What a jacked up curse anyway. At least the Curse of the Bambino, for all its ridiculousness, was a good story.

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, as fah as curses go, you want something rooted in an event most folks would consider a cosmic and grave injustice, like selling the greatest playah evah.

 

---

Mike:
Absolutely. Where exactly is the villainy grave enough to inspire a curse in telling a dude with a goat fetish to hit the bricks?

 

---

Bill:
Goats have their uses but attending baseball games isn't one of them.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, if the Cubbies were serious about this curse shit they'd take a goat and perform a bloody ritualistic sacrifice at home plate.

 

---

Bill:
You're telling me. I've always been of the belief that there are very few problems in life that can't be solved by way of ritualistic animal sacrifice.

 

---

Mike:
Of course now we've earned the scorn of PETA activists worldwide.

 

---

Bill:
And my response — Put down that tofu and get ovah heah so I can kick your vitamin deficient vegan ass.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah but a lot of those PETA vegan chicks are hot, especially when they get all kinky with cellophane and summon up the latent cannibal in me.

 

---

Bill:
True. Might be worth joining up just to hang with the vegan protest chicks.

 

---

Well, well, Wells!

Bill:
Christ, if Wells can continue to pitch like this and Schilling comes back, mercy!

 

---

Doug:
Hold on, I need to savor this by repeating it ovah and ovah: Wells needed only 94 pitches — 74 of them strikes — to complete eight scoreless innings

 

---

Bill:
Absolutely. Our favorite fustilug went to only one three-ball count and two two-ball counts. He threw first-pitch strikes to 23 of the 28 batters he faced. He walked no one, extending his streak of innings without a walk to 25 2/3.

 

---

Doug:
Still, not to piss in my own bathwater but Wells' two consecutive good stahts can match what Petey is doing with the Mets.

 

---

Bill:
Ah, c'mon, dude. It was nevah about what Pedro would do this yeah or even next, it was all about not wanting to lose payroll flexibility by committing millions to Pedro in the 3rd and 4th seasons of the contract he wanted.

 

---

Doug:
Yeah, yeah, superb logic Mr. Spock but it still breaks my haht to see Pedro throwing two hittahs for the Metropolitans.

 

---

Bill:
I suggest you'd be fah moah distraught a couple yeahs from now if the Sox adopted a "let's pay a shitload for guys who are getting long in the tooth and pray they defy the odds and don't go into a decline" modus operandi. I mean how's that shit working out for our friends in the Bronx?

 

---

Doug:
OK, dude, you've convinced me on that one. But don't try and tell me there isn't a huge goverment coverup of UFO's, because I will so not fucking believe it.

 

---

Getting Manhandled

The Red Sox are taken to school once again by St. Louis in a game that was never close …

Susan/Circle:
Well, we're lucky the play the World Series in Octobah, because the Red Sox get the piss taken out of them facing NL teams in summah.

 

---

Mike:
I flippin hate Interleague play unless it's in Octobah.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
Interleague play is a rats' alley, where the dead men lose their bones …

 

---

Mike:
And where the Red Sox lose their ability to pitch … Clement, Mantei and Embree last night? Fugly.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
A total fugfest. Left me in no mood to watch the Queeah Eye makeovahs, but I Tivo'd it … I'll save the pleasure of seeing the waist up naked and prone V-Tek for when I'm in more happy place emotionally.

 

---

Mike:
Yeah, these last two games with St. Louis have satiated any latent need I have to see the Red Sox manhandled and body waxed.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
At least the draft picks seem promising. This Jacoby Ellsbury may turn out to be the next Johnny Damon.

 

---

Mike:
I loved this incongruous flair from his bio: "favorite food is Navajo fry bread, favorite restaurant is Olive Garden"

 

---

Susan/Circle:
You know with our national preoccupation with theme restaurants that commodify traditional cultures, I'm surprised nobody's come out with a national chain of Navajo Joe's or something.

 

---

Mike:
Absolutely. The restaurants could be shaped like big teepees and they could feature an "all the Navajo fry bread you can eat" lure to suburban pale faces and their brood.

 

---

Susan/Circle:
The tag line could be "Navajo Joe's: Come in, we're all family … except when you're forcing us off our sacred lands and giving us small pox and syphillus and shit, then, well, not so fucking much …"

 

---

Hey, at least it wasn't a shutout

The Red Sox return to St. Louis for the first time since it happened and promptly get crushed 7-1 …

Steve:
Someone at SoSH summed up last night's game perfectly: " We got 4-hit by Dr. Richard Kimball and his fake beard."

 

---

Doug:
Heh. Yeah and the Sox were like a guy with one arm at the plate.

 

---

Steve:
But, you know, no biggie. This was just another game in the season, right?

 

---

Doug:
Fuck yeah it is. And these guys may be only 17 and 18 against clubs with winning records, but, holy shit, the Sox remain the only team in the American League that has not been shut out. You can take that shit to the bank.

 

---

Steve:
Absolutely. Nobody but nobody shuts out the mofo World Champs, I tell you what.

 

---

1, 4, 8, 9, 27 and 26?

Bill:
Would have preferred a sweep, but taking 2 of 3 from the AL West leading Angels feels good for shua.

 

---

Mike:
The bullpen yesterday, for the first time this yeah, reminded me of last season's comfort level. Call to the pen with a lead? Lights out.

 

---

Bill:
Absolutely. I'd totally forgotten what that feels like.

 

---

Mike:
Hey, didya heah, according to Gammo, Chicken Man Boggs is getting his 26 retieahd this summah.

 

---

Bill:
That Ray Millah quote gets Boggsie exactly: "He'd get to two strikes and he'd start fouling off pitch after pitch. He looked like a guy sorting through the mail looking for a check."

 

---

Mike:
I was just a kid when Boggs was in his prime with the Sox, but I always remembah my old man being critical, saying he was "selfish" and "only good for singles."

 

---

Bill:
Yeah, he wasn't universally loved that's for certain, rare that a Red Sox playah is after all, but if Boggsie were to come up in today's OBP obsessed era, he'd be lauded … numbah 26 was way ahead of his time.

 

---

Spell it: O-R-T-I-Z

Doug:
Talk about an appoggiatura, hello 9th inning bunt single!

 

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Bill:
Absolutely. What a friggin melodic bottom of the 9th … Renteria's unexpected, dissonant embellishment with the bunt followed by the cymbal and timpani crash of Big Papi's walkoff.

 

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Doug:
Music to my mofo ears, well, except for Foulke playing out of tune.

 

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Bill:
I dunno … An infield hit. A stolen base on a botched hit and run that's an out with decent throw. A bunt. A couple walks, one intentional, then a molasses groundah that was just slow enough to not get a DP led to the run? I can hang with that riff.

 

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Doug:
Dude, I'm not ready to sing Foulke's praises on this one. Look when Palmeiro came to the plate, Foulke had recorded 2 outs against 4 baserunnahs with one of the two outs being a sacrifice and the other coming against the corpse of Sal Fasano.

 

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Bill:
Half-empty, half-full … But one thing I think we both can agree on: It's time to face the music and admit the Baltimore Orioles are "for real."

 

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Doug:
I refuse to accept that. The Orioles are the beneficiaries of favorable circumstances thus fah and are about as real as Tara Reid's modified breast lift.

 

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Absurdly, Orioles still in first place

The Red Sox lose more ground on the first place Orioles …

Steve:
Jeez, what is up with Tim Wakefield? Four straight losses now?

 

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Bill:
Pretty typical Wake, though, he's had a couple of these rough patches every season he's been with the club.

 

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Steve:
But he hasn't lost four straight since July 2001 … What about the fact that since Wake's regular catcher Mirabelli got hurt, he' gone 0-3 with a 9.77 ERA in 15.2 innings, with 13 BB and only 11 K — But before that, he was 4-2 with a 3.61 ERA in 52.1 innings, with 19 BB and 31 K?

 

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Bill:
Probably doesn't help, that's for sure. Sorta like it doesn't help the offense has gone 4 straight without a homah for the first time since August last yeah.

 

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Steve:
All I know is every day I have to endure seeing the Orioles in first place is torture … it's like being in a frickin' gulag.

 

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Bill:
Hello Amnesty International? Get your sorry asses ovah heah and feel our motherfucking Red Sox fan pain.

 

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Much such a sound as a watch makes when enveloped in cotton

Wade Miller pitches a gem and the Red Sox beat the Orioles 5 to 1 …

Susan/Circle:
Blah blah blah Deep Throat whah whah whah Watergate yappity yappity yap Woodward and Bernstein … Ah, hello? Who gives a shit?

 

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Mike:
Yeah, I mean what do you have to be a Viagra popping geezer to give a rat's ass about something that long ago? And they say Red Sox fans like to live in the past?

 

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Susan/Circle:
If the news is going to be talking about Nixon they bettah mean Trot effin' Nixon … Know what I'm sayin'?

 

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Mike:
And if we're going to talk about coverups, let's talk about how Wade Miller had the Orioles hitters guessing.

 

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Susan/Circle:
Spotting his fastball on the corners, mixing in his curveball, dropping in that back-door slider … Awesomtastic.

 

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Mike:
We're going to need more of that from the stahtahs to take out the Orioles and the Curse of the Edgah Allen Poe.

 

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Susan/Circle:
No kidding, I want Baltimore smothered like that old bastid in the Tell Tale Heart.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, but let's make sure they are put away for good. I don't want to hear that "low, dull, quick, sound" of the still beating haht beneath the AL East floorboards come Septembah.

 

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