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Same story, different byline

Bill:
Remembah the good old days when hack sports columnists who were suffering writer's block would dip into the old "Red Sox fans are such whiners" or "Red Sox fans identify themselves with pain and loss" bin of cliched storylines?

 

Mike:
Yep, but now it's all a scramble to come up with a new hackneyed mail-it-in column and it seems all they've can derive is the "you're annoying us with being so cocky and happy" …

 

Bill:
No shit. ESPN's Page 2 is running not one but two such columns: "86 things we hate about you" and "Red Sox Overload"

 

Mike:
Yeah, Memo to ESPN: Before you create a Page 3 and shit you ought to, you know, be able fill Page 2 up without repeating yourself.

 

Bill:
My favorite from the "86 reasons" was numbah 5: "Curt Schilling's bloody sock. Hockey players mock this."

 

Mike:
Oh, yes, those supah tough hockey playahs. But hey, if they're so fierce and shit, how come they have a union that is getting twice daily bitch slapped by the NHL owners? How's that fucking canceled season working out for teh ice warriors?

 

Bill:
Yeah, fucking hockey … they didn't skate a minute this year and no one but a couple hundred drunk Canadians even noticed.

 

Mike:
Guess we shouldn't expect too much from a dude like David Schoenfield. I mean he's the one who thought it was cool to compare ballplayahs to terrorists post 9-11.

 

Bill:
You know, and speaking of writers dishing the same old trite themes ovah and ovah, I think if I hear or read one more "turn the page, close the door, time to put 2004 behind us, the real season starts now" stories I'm going to go all Thich Quang Duc.

 

Mike:
Well, I doubt you're evah going to get much but prosaicism from a group that has recently been called the most depressing collection of humans ever seen?

 

Comments

About that 86 things to hate about us column, I give it even less credence given that it's written by a embittered Mariners fan. Before I moved out to Ohio for grad school I grew up in Washington State, and orginally became a Sox fan in '86 (at age 10) because I loved Roger Clemens and all my friends were Gooden/Mets fans ('86 was my first taste of Sox fan pain, but as a 10 year old non-New England type I was sure we'd win it in '87)...

Anyway, there was no such thing as a Mariners fan until their playoff run in '95 (thanks to Baseball's stupid regional coverage that year, I didn't see ANY of the Sox playoff games against Cleveland.. which was probably for the best). I started going to Sox games in the Kingdome in '90, and every time I'd go at least 1/3-1/2 of the crowd was rooting for Boston. Even in the M's playoff-run days of the late '90s you heard a lot of "Let's Go Red Sox!" chants..

I guess I'd be bitter too if I rooted for a team that seems more interested in turning a slight profit for Nintendo than going all out to win the World Series. It's not like they're swimming in Super Mario cash or anything...

(A bit of full diclosure: When it comes to the NFL I'm a rabid Seahawks fan, and I can't stand Tom Brady for usurping my childhood idol Drew Bledsoe)

PS: My wife got me Sox/Yanks tickets at Fenway in July for my 30th birthday. Now THAT'S a wife. :)

HB--only because you're always exact and with respect:
"time to put 2005 behind us"
"all they've can derive is"

The 5AM starts are brutal!
=============================================

That "86 things..." piece really annoyed me.

"I (as a member of the media) am so over the Red Sox stories (generated by the media) and all of the attention the Sox have recieved (by the media) and the bloody sock picture (taken by the media) is lame 'cause hockey players think so (despite my specious comparison of baseball to hockey)"

Or something to that effect.

Ah, these journalistic hacks are just worried that they have to think of something original. Don't take it personally. When they are exposed as Xerox machines but unable to churn out the same crap, they'll be replaced by a new generation of writers. Everyone wanted us to get to the top, now that we're there, they're all jealous. Human nature I guess.

In a non-related story, those Acton kids made the news again. Looks like they're all pissed because there were no handshakes before the Opener. I think it their wacko-liberal teachers' fault for inciting this crap: http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/articles/2005/04/12/young_hopes_are_shaken/

And I loved this line from the story: "There had been reasons to be hopeful. Both teams sent the students Opening Day letters praising the idea of a pregame handshake.

Yankees General Manager Brian M. Cashman even sent the students 75 Yankees baseball caps."

Bastards! The MFYs are trying to poison the minds of our youth. They want to kill off the younger generation of The Nation as they can't beat us on the field. This must not go unanswered Larry!

Oh yeah, I forgot to include this gem: "They know they've been heard and that they have a voice," Kaufman said. ''They also feel much more comfortable wearing Yankees hats around the building. We even have Red Sox fans wearing Yankees hats for the fun of it."

For the fun of it!?! What's wrong with the parents here? Talk about a lack of guidance.

"wacko-liberal teachers'"

You know what kids? Disappointment happens...so learn from it and drive on.

And if you were poking the Sox fans in the playground 2 years ago, then here's another lesson: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you...."

As if I wasn't already happy enough with ESPN's coverage of the ring ceremony, here comes the next assault. Perhaps if the Mariners had won something (World Series, an ALCS, a Grammy, etc.) we wouldn't be subjected to this crap. This is not all that different than Steve Spurrier (Mr. Gamecock, yeah right) complaining about my Noles in years past - consider the source. If Mr. Schoenfield wants overload, maybe he should investigate Slappy's patented Off-Season Training Routine: "86 Off-Season Exercises to Help You Make Unforced Errors".

The hack that wrote the "86 things" article can kiss my hairy, white, Massachusetts ass. That guy couldn't write a grocery list properly. It is obvious that all the real talent in writing is gone over to the blogging commmunity (current company include, h.b.). As pointed out above, it took about two seconds to figure out this was a thinly veiled, classic case of sour grapes. I cannot ESPN is paying for that crap.

SawxSince67,

Thanks for the catching the "2005 behind us" bit. Fixed it to read 2004.

It's one thing for a blogger of another team to complain about all the Sox coverage, but when someone writing for ESPN, who have been the biggest promoters of the whole schtick, complains about how much it's been promoted... you just have to laugh. Dude, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KEEPS TALKING ABOUT IT. ONLY YOU CAN STOP FOREST FIRES!

As for the handshake business... I'm still against it. Bloody children. I Powerpoint against their evil ways.

http://www-personal.umich.edu/~samcat/antihandshake.htm

:)

Boy, if I had a dollar for everytime I heard "I'm going to go all Thich Quang Duc" down on Landsdowne Street....It's more ubiquitous than "I'm Rick James, bitch!" in a frat house. Honestly.

You KNEW that article was coming; frankly, the Sox have gotten overexposed this offseason, so the backlash was inevitable. With that said, it was an incredibly lame article, and Schoenfield wasn't even trying to hide how much he had to stretch to come up with 86 reasons...maybe ten of them tops were legitimate. Two other points:

1. What would he prefer listening to...an overexposed RSN, or Chokees fans blathering on about their 26 rings and Jeter's intangibles?

2. He's a Mariners fan....yeah, it's not like singles-hitter Ichiro hasn't been overhyped to death or anything. Sheesh.

I don't think I'll ever be sick of the different accounts of last year's amazing feat. As for Page 2, yeah they might be overdoing it with too many Sox articles, but some are still classic...

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/050412

I liken it to Howard Stern. If you don't like it, turn it off. Red Sox nation has received a lot of exposure, but the majority of it is the media doing it, not the players (well, besides Damon).

If the Cubs won the WS in 2005, they would have a party too, and would get a lot of exposure, and RSN would be right there with them, celebrating, saying "Ain't this cool" (unless we lost in the WS at the hand of the Cubbies). Can't we celebrate. Maybe the other markets are just jealous, not that we won, but that we care so much.

5. Schilling's Bloody Sock - Hey, it isn't like he purposely made himself bleed. He had a job to do, and he did it. Isn't that heroic? Why do we need to compare it to someone, or something else?

22. "Yankees Suck" Chant - Actually, Yankees started the "Red Sox Suck" chant in the early 80's, long before we did. I hate the chant, but we weren't the first.

33. Clemens striking out 20 Mariners and destroying the team for a decade - bitter Mariner fan, and hey, Boone's homer could have ruined RS for a decade, but we got up, not made excuses

73. Self Loathing - again, media. CHB

86. Toronto in first place - Dude, it's April. We have only played 7 games. And of those 7, 4 have been against the Yankees.

He is far too jealous of the AL East.

Sorry, I felt a rant coming on.

Dear Boston Fan in Michigan: your PowerPoint Presentation Rules!! It could have been more dramatic and violent but I am content how the message is delivered. To all those brats in Acton: WAKE UP!! Where do you think you live? Neverland? Even worse, Neverland Ranch? Where every fuckin' dream is realized? Just a silly comment but if you ask me Acton must be a lil' HQ for the ultra-left that want every fuckin' thing to be treated as "politically incorrect/politically correct". Life is about "smiles and cries"(from Training Day). If your stoopid parent won't tell you why Tommy has two dads, or why Elizabeth has two moms then kid, you're fucked and in no way you are ready to face off the world and the intense rivalry that is the Red Sox, the MFY. So no, kids. There will be no handshakes, no hugs between teams, and no kissing between grown men just like Tommy's dads do every morning when they drop him off at school. This is baseball, not Acton.

". "Yankees Suck" Chant"

Actually (!!!), in "The Bronx Zoo", by Sparky Lyle (& Golenbock, I think), Lyle brings this up.

Something like "I don't know who brought up this Boston Sucks, Yankees suck stuff, but whoever did should get kicked in the ass..."

This was before the end of the '78 season...

BTW--Lyle's book is tremendous for someone ( like me) who was 10 years old back in 1978 -- it creates a new perspective about that season and "That Game" that brought me to tears 25+ years ago.

Todays's ESPN Page 2/3 has jumped the shark with the "has the RS Nation jumped the shark" poll and the Daily Quickie.

So, other than the boxscores, just fucking stop covering the Sox and shut up about it...

Simmons is the only reason I keep going back to Page 2. He is teh l33t sports columnist.

I didn't like the veiled pumpsie green
reference. why didn't he have the balls
to come out and say it?

and... (rant) Butch Hobson screwed
up but kick him again why don't ya?
He does a GREAT job up here managing
the Nashua Pride (Atlantic league)
and also runs a nice little hitting
school teaching kids!!! He'd probably
call your kid on his birthday if you
asked him...(rant over)

Thanks SawxSince67, the earlies reference I had was 81 or 82.

H.B. I don't quite get the "teh" definition. That link was not clear to me. I guess I am not that smart, I need clarification.

Yeah, Ted Williams was a "bad apple," an "old-school Barry Bonds."

I must have missed that "Behind the Glory" with the whole "Barry Bonds: War Hero" angle.

What a miserable piece of shit...and is there really such thing as a Mariners fan? I mean, I thought it was cool to have two new teams until the losers started showing up in my '77 Topps packs...but I digress (and simultaneously date myself)...enough.

I moved out here to Seattle seven years ago, and I can absolutely, positively state that there IS NO such thing as a "Mariners fan."

I try to catch the Sox every time they play out here, and can state for the record that RSN makes up at least a third of the crowd every single time. Last year, when the Mariners sucked, their "fans" deserted them, and The Nation comprised at least 70% of the crowd.

A few years ago, I was treated to the sight of Mariners "fans" leaving a game in droves during the 7th inning stretch...with their team LEADING BY A RUN. Needless to say, when a ninth inning Varitek slam and Lowe save pulled it out, it made my subsequent taunting ("Heath-cliff Slo-cumb!!!") that much more enjoyable...or would have, had their been any Mariners "fans" left to hear it.

I ripped Page 2 a new one today in an e-mail. They can kiss my tight Irish ass.

"I didn't like the veiled pumpsie green
reference. why didn't he have the balls
to come out and say it?"

This is a really good point. Most of the stuff on his list was rather tounge in cheek, but this one had a pretty serious matter at it's core. Yes the racist history of the Yawkey Era is a stain against the franchise's history, but to throw it out there as an indictment of the team and its front office and fans today, who have nothing to do with those events of 50-60 years ago, is unfair and a cheap shot. The Yankees and Tigers both integrated just a couple years before the Sox, and years after Jackie Robinson, and the Yankees' GM of the period has an infamous racist quote attributed to him, but only the Sox' past gets mentioned today.

re: "Yankees Suck", it started to my knowledge in the Bronx in 1977 with "Boston Sucks" chants, followed by Boston Sucks t-shirts being sold around the Stadium in 1978. I don't know when Sox fans started retaliating with "Yankees Suck" chants, but I would imagine it was around the same time.

Maybe I spoke too soon about Simmons. Mullet over at The House That Dewey built points out some evidence of Simmons potentially turning into a CHB type.

speaking of CHB, I saw him in front of me as I was walking into Fenway Monday. I yelled out "Yo', CHB!!!", but he didn't take the bait. Pretty sure he heard me.

" "Yo', CHB!!!","

Pfffffffhahahahahahahahhahahahha!!!!!!!

Cahl Everett's Sawx legacy!!!!

Simmons is getting on my nerves lately. It's like he wants to tell all of us how famous he is now and that he magically got tickets to Opening Day. He's like one of the Inside Track girls now that he's gone to L.A. Maybe I'm just jealous, but I think Simmons has jumped the shark. It was cool when he was "one of us." That's no longer the case. Sure, I'll still read him, but I just don't get the same charge out of it like I used to.

Yeah, the "Yo', CHB!!!" is priceless.

Re Simmons, I've been noticing a lot of that, too. He still, though, comes up with such a good turn of phrase at least a half dozen times in each piece that I still have to bow in his general direction.

I "think" that Simmons' approach is that we are all still "boys" and since he has these "out of most people's realms of possibility" opportunities, he shares his experiences...

Or, my name is Pollyanna...

He is our only defender on ESPN.com, in any case...

Let's work up some Mojo for Schill, shall we?

Hopefully, the fellas rough up Wright and get into their bullpen early in the series -- tired Yankee arms and minds. Very nice.

I think ESPN's Page 2 was right on the money. The backlash against RSN was inevitable. It's why I created my site and it's nice to see ESPN jumping on my bandwagon.

Hop on boys, I'll take us home! Anybody watch Mariano shut DOWN the SAWX last night?

Hop on boys, I'll take us home! Anybody watch Mariano shut DOWN the SAWX last night?

Mariano was awesome!! It was kinda like
watching a farmer lock the barn door after
all the critters ran off!

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