Honeymoon's Over

Boston loses to first place Baltimore and drops to 11-8 on the season …

Bill:
On the bright side, I guess we can stop wringing our hands wondering when Wells is gonna go down hurt.

 

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Mike:
Yeah, guess we no longah have to belabah the "What happens when Wade Miller returns?" question.

 

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Bill:
Just 19 games into the new season and the pitching staff is already looking about as promising as Bennifer II.

 

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Mike:
So how do you think Affleck explained to the dimply faced Jen Garner that her engagement ring was a full 1.6 carats smaller than the one he got J-Lo?

 

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Bill:
Ah, probably the same fucking way the Red Sox spun the David Wells signing to us …

 

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Mike:
Bunch of love struck believe anything shit heads that we are.

 

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Comments

[Sully]

Sox starters have a 3.48 ERA, 2nd best in the AL. You'll forgive me for coming in off the ledge?

[Ryan]

Perhaps Ms. Garner is just, "Oh, whatever Ben gives me is good enough because I lurve him. I mean, he already got me this lovely World Series ring."

Analogy time:
J-Lo is to J-Ga as David Wells is to Wade Miller.

[Hunter]

I want either two things to happen: Wells pitching like he did in his two previous innings, or him graciously going on the DL indefintely in order to make room for Bronson Arroyo.

Nothing in-between.

[h.b.]

Sully,

I don't think either Bill nor Mike are on "the ledge" on this one, rather, they just are just expressing that David Wells may let us down. Indeed, getting injured this early is a let down.

As for the analogy I was thinking more of
J-Lo is to J-Ga as Big Unit is to the Big Donut.

But perhaps I'm being too tough on Jen Garner. (I confess to not finding her particularly appealing as far as celebrity hotties go.)

[SawxSince67]

Team ERA is currently sweet, but it's the not-too-distant future that vexes me. Now the Sox are one pitching injury away from "kinda fucked for a while".

"J-Lo is to J-Ga as David Wells is to Wade Miller. "

Gimme a minute on that one...

[AJM]

This one seems straightforward to me:

J-Lo is to J-Ga as Pedro is to Matt Clement.

And I'm a fan of Clement.

[h.b.]

I'll buy AJM's analogy.

[Ryan]

J-Lo/David Wells: Overhyped. Big butt. Annoying. Unavoidable. Eventually, became a liability (Gigli, anyone?)

J-Ga/Wade Miller: Underhyped (admittedly, Garner is not as underhyped as Wade Miller, but relative to J-Lo). Acquired cheaply (yeesh, that doesn't sound good) and on the rebound from an injury/relationship.

But then, I'm one of 8 people that saw "Elektra" when it opened and I TiVo "Alias" every week so, perhaps I lack credibility.

[Bergs]

"But then, I'm one of 8 people that saw "Elektra" when it opened and I TiVo "Alias" every week so, perhaps I lack credibility."

...not to mention taste.

I keed, I keed!!!!

Seriously, I just don't get the J-Ga attraction...at all.

As for our pitching, Wells' spot falls on an off-day, so we have over a week to decide if Miller is ready, if Wells is OK, or if we need a spot start out of somebody. It's still April, no need to panic.

[pudge]

You guys know jack shit about women. Some women love the bling. This is the J-Lo. Some love understatement, elegance. This is the Garner. It's not like her rock is tiny.

Of course, Ortiz has a bigger fucking ring than anyone.

[h.b.]

And neither Jen seems to know jack shit about men if Affleck is the guy of their dreams. Jeez.

I love that in that Globe poll for most loathed Bostonians he comes in at #2 or #1 depending on how they categorize.

[SawxSince67]

J Garner's image on the NY Post link makes me think of Geena Davis....just saying...

I don't know--I like a chick who apparently can kick my ass--J Garner's all jacked and what not.

Opposed to J Lopez, who would probably just snipe, harangue and bitch at me. Ech.

[Ric]

Garner has previously been physically compared to a young Geena Davis, i.e. post-Beetlejuice, pre-League of Their Own

[BigBri]

I'm sorry but I'm confused. Been reading this blog for a while now and I have a question. Is Wells a guy you are 'warming up to' and ready to call 'BOOMAH' or is he a guy you expect to get hurt any minute?

Just curious...

[Jennifer]

Not really a fan of J Garner. I don't why. I just don't like her. And I don't see the appeal of Ben Affleck. He's kinda icky I think. This is one Jennifer who does not go for him. Matt Damon is so much hotter!

I was at the game last night. It was so cold. The highlight of the game was the big fat man who ran onto the field with no shirt on. He got the biggest applause of the night. That was funny. Disturbing, but funny.

Jury's still out on Wells for me.

[SawxSince67]

(Too easy.)

"The highlight of the game was the big fat man who ran onto the field with no shirt on. "

BigBri was at the game?

[h.b.]

BigBri,

You're confused, that's for sure.

And, evidently, you haven't been reading long enough...

They are characters fercrissakes, not real people.

What part of cynical, suspicious, acerbic, bipolar, obsessive compulsive, sarcastic, fictitious etc of the characters' personalities don't you get?

[Ric]

...unless the basis for a man-cartoon existence is legitimate.. ala Who Framed Roger Rabbit.... I'm just throwing some ideas out there....

[BigBri]

h.b. - okay, okay. I was just askin'. I didn't realize they were 'just characters'. I thought there was a writer behind this here blog. A writer who put forth a message through the characters. Guess I was giving you guys too much credit again. Carry on...

[Jeff]

Hey BigBri, I guess you don't read Garfield, or maybe you think cats really do talk.

Keep it up H.B.; I, for one, appreciate the strip, and relate to the internal feelings these guys sometimes have. There are days I love the things the red sox do, and days I don't like it. I am not perfect, I don't love blindly. If that is wrong, I don't want to be right. (I love my wife, but some days, not as much as others...but MOST days)

[h.b.]

To be fair to BigBri (as painful as that is), he's not the first to confuse or otherwise blur the line between the me as author and the characters.

Sometimes a given character is expressing something I feel myself. Sometimes a character is expressing the feeling of something I overheard (on talk radio, on the train, while talking to buddies, waiting in line for a coffee etc.) but may not at all be something I agree with or condone. (For instance, when Doug wanted to urinate in Sveum's mouth.)

Also it's worth noting that while the characters will play off each other, they are not of "one mind" in their thought. The best example of this off the top of my head is from the election/campaign cycle last year where Doug was very pro-Bush and Bill was very pro-Kerry. (While Circle couldn't much give a shit either way.)

The main reason I wanted to create a blog that featured different characters, rather than it being the voice of a solo blogger, was to have the freedom to experiment with the wide array of feelings Sox fans have and not be limited to just what I think.

Hope that helps.

[BigBri]

h.b. - Thanks for being fair and thanks for taking the time to explain the basis of this blog. Despite our obvious differences I have to tell you I enjoy this strip a great deal. Just wish you weren't wasting your talent on such a cause.

Sincerely,
The Loyal Opposition

[h.b.]

Well, if a devout Red Sox Nation hater can actually enjoy the strip, that's saying something.

[Jeff]

ah, a kinder, gentler rivalry.

[SawxSince67]

Maybe those kids in Acton were on to something?

[AJM]

Aw man, you're not gonna make us shake his hand, are you h.b.?

[da kine]

I feel like I'm stepping in late since the comments moved from the Jennifers to BigBri, but I have to add something. I have utilized the comments section of Soxaholix not once but twice to sing Jennifer Garner's praises because she is perfect. She's on the top of my "Celebrities I'm Allowed to Hump" list. I anyone who watches Alias disagrees then there is something wrong.

Season 3, Back in Black. That's code for the finest 5 minutes in TV history.

[SawxSince67]

"She's on the top of my "Celebrities I'm Allowed to Hump" list."

So...you'd get a pass if this somehow comes to fruition?

[Jeff]

who issues those passes??

[Ric]

Here you go guys..... http://jennifergarner.fancube.com/

[Follower of Tito]

Heard of those passes. If you have been with your wife/girlfriend/spouse long enough both you and her work up a list of 3 (or maybe 5, if you are feeling generous)celebs you could do the carpet tango with. Of course, being hit by lighting while holding a winning lottery ticket during a Kevin Brown no-hitter (the current Kevin Brown)is a more likely occurance. My list does include Jen Garner, Anna Kronikova, and Angelina Jolie (okay, so she's my kinda freaky chick choice)

[da kine]

Follower of Tito is right to a degree. My wife has 3 on her list and I have 8 or more on mine. That's because I'm goofy-looking and she's hot, so she could easily score with her three whereas I'd have to cure cancer to land any on my list. Top 5: Jennifer Garner, Gina Torres (Larry Fishburn's wife), Tyra Banks, Angelina Jolie (also my freaky choice), and Firefly's Morena Baccarin. I'm going to hell.

[No Guru]

Now the Sox are one pitching injury away from "kinda fucked for a while".

This describes every team.

[SawxSince67]

{Now the Sox are one pitching injury away from kinda fucked for a while}

"This describes every team."

This is correct.

It was a statement on how fortunes can change.

PRIOR to Wells' injury last night, the "one pitching injury" would not have had the same impact on the Sox as it would have for every team.

[losah]

Kinder, gentler rivalry?

What are we becoming, grade-schoolers in Acton?

Even Cards-Cubs, while in the slightly more genteel Midwest, is neither kind nor gentle.

[toward xengo juice]

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