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Pass the salt cod

Doug:
Meet the new ball pahk, same as the old ball pahk.

 



Mike:
My eyes are tearing the fuck up. Trot Nixon, I love you, man.

 


Mike:
Nope. Nor do I accept the "the seats are so small only those who go to one game a year accept being cramped" bullshit. The seats are small but no smaller than coach class on a seven thirty seven. And fuck your knees if the seatback and tray table are not in their upright positions.

 

Doug:
Fuck yeah. Besides don't we have some sort of obesity epidemic or some such shit going on?

 

Mike:
Yeah, by remaining in Fenway, the Sox owners are just doing their paht to help out. [Imitating parental voice] "Now, Jimmy, you know you aren't going to fit your ass into a Fenway seat if you eat that entire pint of Chunky Monkey. Time to go outside and run around and shit, young man."

 

Doug:
You evah see the old photos of fans at Fenway all skinny scrawny and wearing hats?

 

Mike:
Absolutely. The new diet fad tag line around heah should be "Get skinny like it's 1912, dude."

 

Doug:
Yeah, fuck your Atkins diet. Fuck your South Beach and Okinawan bullshit diets. We've got the wicked good 1912 Fenway Fan diet.

 

Mike:
Eat your salt cod and brown bread! You'll learn to like it you Twenty First Century fat assed fast food gluttons.

 

Comments

“The charm wears off…”

This is pretty funny shit—sure, this isn’t an “incorrect” opinion, but I would still laugh in the general direction of whoever makes these comments.

I can’t quantify the breakdown of the fans’ thoughts re: the actual viability of Fenway Park. However, I can’t imagine what goes through the hardcore naysayers minds…again, my opinion.

It’s fucking Baseball Mecca. I hug the walls when I walk into the place—I’m serious.

I’m well aware of the relative advantages and disadvantages of viewing games at the Fens.

I’ve had seats all over the park: from first row on the Monstah to RF Roof… the sublime to the ridiculous.

Been to 10 other ballparks…some with clearly more modern engineering from the seats to the viewing angles; better beer, food…

Fenway is the Home of “my” baseball team. Since my first visit (seemingly a lifetime ago), the place has DRAMATICALLY improved. I’ll just refer to the remaining issues as “quirks” and call it a day.

What’s up, Da Kine.

If anything wears off quicker than Fenway's charm, it's the allure of a new stadium. Once you realize you're sitting in an oversized shopping mall that's not much different than Baltimore, Philly, SF, (insert new stadium name here), you will long for something unique.

If you want a new stadium, be prepared for a Build-a-Bear workshop in left field. And you know what. Ticket prices won't be much less in the end.

Hooray for Fenway. Today is a great day.

//"Get skinny like it's 1912, dude."//

I love it.

It's freaking sacred ground-how they could even SUGGEST to build anothah Fenway is beyond me. I wish they hadn't knocked ovah the Gahden either, but when you have more rats than Fenway, it's probably time to move on.

I like the new diet idea though, "no bleachahs on opening day until you can fit your ass in the seat fatty!" That ought to get some of them away from the Xbox...

W'sup Da kine....we miss you man....

The Okinawan diet actually has really tasty food and is all about mental discipline- stop eating before you're full and take a nice walk every day. Really, the traditional Okinawan staples are pork, sweet potatoes, and salt.

Which is part of the reason that the obesity rate in young Okinawans is about double that of Japan as a whole. The US military bases and associated fast food restaurants probably aren't helping, either.


Don't get me wrong, I love Fenway
it's just all the crap that goes along
with it, like the creepy obstacle course
of scalpers on the way in. I do think
the new owners are doing a nice job sprucing
it up...

That said, I'm REALLY looking forward
to our new riverfront ballpark in Manchester
NH. I'll be watching the Fisher Cats and
Portland Sea Dogs beat the bejesus out of
each other all summer...

As a Sox fan transpanted to New Orleans, I can honestly say eating fried shrimp and cream based sauces made sitting in my Fenway seat for the debacle of Game 3 of the ALCS slightly uncomfortable. (It was a last minute "OMG my sister is giving me a ticket, can't tell my husband that I am using my frequent flier miles and don't have time to lose 20 pounds" kind of trip). But I will never support getting rid of Fenway. Last summer, I went to Miller Park and, yes, it's a "nice" stadium but it doesn't have a soul and never will. It's got a spiral slide for it's mascot fer chrissakes!

During the same vacation we went to Wrigley on the first day with the safety nets up. Luckily, the Sox now have owners who are proactive so we won't have to resort to that. But I would probably go to Fenway even if it were held together by duct tape (like one of my old cars). Hell, if the leaning tower of Pisa can stand so can my baseball mecca.

As an aside, when that old Fenway picture was taken, the malnourished "skinny, scrawny" fans could probably afford a ticket.

"If anything wears off quicker than Fenway's charm, it's the allure of a new stadium. Once you realize you're sitting in an oversized shopping mall that's not much different than Baltimore, Philly, SF, (insert new stadium name here), you will long for something unique."

Amen to that. I still miss the old Gahden. Give me obstructed view overhang seats any day of the week before the Shea-Stadium-quality nosebleed seats in the Balcony.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who isn't buying into the new stadium hype.

I remember the first time I went to Camden Yards. The media el al had blown it all up as the greatest thing ever. I walked in as was all, "This is it? WTF?"

It's like they tried so hard to give it magic and make it special but you can't really create that. It just has to be there on its own.

Spot on, h.b. What Fenway offers can only come with miles, hard miles. And what place besides Wrigley can lay claim to that. The "pre-aged' packaged ambiance of Camden, The Jake, et al are like buying those new, 2005 Les Pauls or Strats, that are 'distressed' to look the the classic late 50s guitars. There's something creepy about that.
As far as the seats being too small; hit a friggin' stairmaster, ya chubby bastids.

two words - "Fleet Center"

... or whatever the F it's called now.

Tearing down the Garden and putting up the ghost-town that is the Fleet Center isn't enough of a reminder to leave well enough alone?

ALso going in the pantheon of bad stadium closigs: Closing The Arena and replacing it with Kiel/Savvis Center in St. Louis. Blues games just aren't hazardous to your health anymore.

God damn what's wrong with you people!?! It's time to move out of that relic and into a modern facility. "Charm" is cute and all, but so is convenience and affordability. Who says the new park would have to have a mini-mall? Now, I'm not really in favor of securing public funds to do this, but opening a new park on the waterfront would have been great for the city. If the Sox winning the WS showed us anything, it's that we all have to stop living in the past. The only reason the Sox are still at Fenway is because they couldn't get the public funding, not because it's so "charming".

It is so easy to take either side of this debate. Yes, the nostalgia is overwhelming. The history is RIGHT there to the point you can almost feel it. And yes, losing the "old ballpark" ambience would suck if they tore it down. But it's way too small, 290 feet to the LF corner and 260 feet to the Pesky pole. Squat for foul territory and that f-ing wall is a joke. If I hear one more announcer say "The wall giveth yet the wall taketh away" I'm taking a hostage. Fixing this place up is like getting your grandmother breast implants. Yet there are so many great memories here. Sitting BEHIND home plate back in 74 or 75 and watching Yaz hit a 9th inning opposite field, bloop fly into the net off Nolan Ryan (who struck out 15) to give Louie the CG W stands out like it was yesterday. But today when ownership has to make do with limited seating and therefore are charging the same price for admission for a family of five as you could buy a townhouse in Cohasset, something needs to be done.

The seats are PART of the charm, folks!

Seriously, only a true romantic can suspend disbelief enough to be a serious baseball fan, and a true romantic HAS to appreciate being in the same place where Smoky Joe Wood pitched the Sox to a WS victory in 1912, playing with the likes of Tris Speaker, Harry Hooper, Larry Gardner, Duffy Lewis etc.

Gives me the chills.

NOTHING can substitute for Fenway.

"God damn what's wrong with you people !?!"

It is exactly this type of thinking that has left a lot of communities around NE with abandoned store fronts in the downtown area and a big, sprawling, Mega-mart complex (which looks like every other Mega-mart ever made) out in an old cornfield. Those folks that want to get rid of the Fen are probably the same folks who would like to see the old North Church torn down for another Starbuck's or Chatham light taken down to make room for some condos. Christ, don't you 'disposable generation' people get it? Whatever happened to the NE attitude: "Wear it out, repair it, re-use it." I suppose once Peter's Basilica gets a little small for the crowds, we should move the Vatican across town, closer to the river and a nice, new Basilica. Heathens!

I don't get the "by the water" idea--I think it was...uh...floated when McCourt was vying for ownership, but the proposed park would have been near Logan?

So, then you have a Shea Stadium equivalent where passenger jets to and from LaGuardia fly overhead every 7 minutes to great distraction. Seriously, it sucks...

South Shore? What...another 10,000 cars on Rte 3? Lynn? Newburyport?

It's worth updating the Fens--an upgrade to the Kenmore station would have to be in order, other infrastucture stuff...but, the park is the Trio's problem.

"convenience and affordability"

Mutually exclusive concepts, I believe.

I've been to about 10 Major League parks. If you're talking about exchanging "classic" parks such as Riverfront, Three Rivers, Fulton County, Veterans Stadium, or Candlestick for newer digs I think the fans gain alot even if it's at the expense of marketing ad nauseum. I'd call this the cookie-cutter upgrade plan - those multi-use stadiums don't get the job done in my book. Hell, I had been to Fulton County a dozen times and the 1966-era toilets never worked right. BUT, I've also been to New Comisky-"Insert Cellphone Co. Name Here" park and I nearly blew chunks. This was in 1991 - Old Comisky was being wrecked across the street from the new park. All I could think about was what was lost to gain the new shopping mall/ball park to keep the Pale Hose from moving to St. Pete (and oh, Tropicana Field, now that's an improvement). I would guess Tiger fans in Detroit (and Colt fans in Baltimore) may feel the same way about a missing piece of history. Fenway is the last bastion of the ol' ball park. Most of those bit the dust 40+ years ago. Fenway is Mecca. Fenway is that connection to the past that most non-casual fans need. Corporations have other needs, but not the fan (even us fat asses who grease our way into those narrow seats). My first trip to Fenway was in 2003, but just knowing that it was still there all the time made the world right. My wife and I made a trip to Boston this year for World Series Game 2 just so we could be NEAR the place. The thought of a wrecking ball swinging on Yawkey Way is unthinkable.

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