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Heady Times

Doug:
So I'm watching the steroid thing on C-Span and it's all Member of Congress, normal head, doctah from the N-I-H, normal head, baseball playah, comically engorged and grotesquely misshapen head …

 

Mike:
I know! Can you believe that shit? Are they really thinking nobody is going to notice how a comically engorged and grotesquely misshapen head is, you know, weird and shit?

 

Doug:
Yeah, it's just some fucking eerie coincidence that everybody in the room has a normal sized head except for the motherfuckahs who everyone suspects is a steroid usah?

 

Mike:
So if one of these non-steroid using guys with an innocent and anomalous comically engorged and grotesquely misshapen head crash lands into some remote paht of the Peruvian Amazon and is captured by the head shrinking Jivaro tribe, is this a good thing or a bad thing for the Jivaros?

 

Doug:
Yeah, would they be all, wholly fuck that comically engorged and grotesquely misshapen head is going to release some motherfucking cowbell spirit?

 

Mike:
Or would the Jivaro chief be all, fuck, we don't have the time or the equipment to shrink that bulbous fuck of a head … Leave the head, we'll just eat his entrails and what not?

 

Doug:
And if you cannibalize a body built on 'roids, does it taste different than a clean human?

 

Mike:
All I know is if Mark McGuire was captured by the head huntahs, he'd be crying his eyes out.

 

Doug:
Yeah, but unlike yesterday, at least those teahs would be honest and not a total fraud show.

 

Comments

I always thought the CEGMH was indicitive of the consumption of 'roids. I used to be a member of a gym, not some chrome and pot plants place but a spit 'n' sawdust bodybuilders type of place and drug taking was rife there as were the CEGMH.
I don't see why baseball shouldn't have a drug testing policy, I don't mean like Olympic standard where you inhale while walking within 50' of a pharmacy and you'll be banned until the pope after next is dead.
Sure it would be great touchy feely kind of crap to be all self regulating and shit but like one of the reference articles said the enhanced performance could mean the difference between a $80k contract and a $1M, everyday someone somewhere will think that sounds like a good deal. This to me seems like a job for Selig, IMHO he should nail his colours to the mast and stand for something. MLB should test itself and players consistently found to be taking should be stripped out of the game. I don't get all glassy eyed about the history of the game, but if I'm paying my money to watch the game or buying a shirt for my kid with a guys name on the back I want to know he got there by earning the right to play through hard work not shortcuts.

and having re-read that I'm going to save up for some punctuation.

You sure seem obsessed with head today.

Exactly what he said. I agree.

so if you meet a girl from the Jivaro tribe, it's best not to ask for a little head.

Enjoying a slow day in the comments thread after yesterday's flame war, h.b.? :)

Funny stuff as usual. No one covered themselves in glory yesterday, but McGwire came out worse than anyone. The hearing was a total grandstanding waste of time. Although it was entertaining hearing Schilling call Canseco a liar, and then watching Jose just kind of shrug and smirk...the dude really doesn't give a crap about anything. He's always been good for comic relief, whether it was flexing his biceps in Fenway to the "Ster-oids" chants, or having a ball clock off his noggin. Which, as you rightly and wittily point out, is misshapen and grotesque.

Exactly what he said. I agree.

This is all pointless--players did what they did and, other than Giambi, they won't specifically admit to it now lest their accomplishments be completely devalued.

Since Giambi "broke the ice", I don't see anyone else getting a pass from the fans--like Canseco, it appears that Giambi's MVP was "juiced"...strangely, this is doesn't seem to be a big deal.

The use of performance enhancing drugs was the culture of the game on some levels--MLB looked the other way as long as it was promoting baseball. And, certainly, the home run races did promote the sport--all the while the "juiced" balls theory was being bandied about. Right...

The HR Record and the "HR Race Era" will be shaded by suspicion in the years to come--this is unavoidable.

I can't say that McGuire is a total fraud-he's probably humiliated that he's even in the position to have to defend himself.

But, I do think that Fehr and the MLB players and Selig and MLB are going to do whatever it takes insure the financial health of the game and if that takes glossing over the apparent truth about the game's recent history, then so be it...

"What he said. I would have to agree" -Sosa

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