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Nice pants

Boston officially has its snowiest month on record and there's nothing one can do but wait …

Doug:
You know the worst thing about living in Boston in wintah isn't the snow. It's that we have no chance of seeing anything like these ass cheek pants strutting down Newbury Street.

 

Bill:
I hate to break it to ya, buddy, but you're not likely to see those pants in summah neithah. But, Christ, that'd open up a whole new mahket for Ass Chapstick, though.

 

Doug:
Speaking of asses, I'm tuned into The O.C. last night waiting for some of that much Fox hyped hot girl on and girl action and during a commercial break I'm confronted with that whatthefuckisthis Nike commercial you guys were talking about the other day with Mariano Meatball Rivera in some sort of whacked out mask.

 

Bill:
Fortunately they didn't get any Red Sox signed up for that. It's an embarrassment to the athletes. I actually feel bad for Rivera being put into all those ridiculous poses like he's the bee-atch of some Risdee "performance artist" with a dominitrix fantasy.

 

Doug:
Fuck, now that you put it that way, I think I'm starting to like it. "You will wear this mask, slave. What's that? I want to hear 'Yes, Mistress' and nothing else. Do you understand, slave,? Get on your knees, Marionito. Now!"

 

Bill:
Yeah, that is pretty much how the Red Sox have been treating him these days. I'd want to wear a mask too after getting manhandled like that.

 


Bill:
Welcome to "Proctor and Gamble Stadium."

 

Doug:
Yep, say goodbye to "The Blade" nickname and say hello to "The Fabreeze"

 

Comments

I never call the stadium anything but Foxboro, so the corporate thing won't affect my speech patterns in any way.

If Mariano keeps choking as bad as during the ALCS, his mask-wearing ways may provide a new career in off-shore scat films or something.

I seriously hope they dont change the name of Foxboro Stadium again. Keep it named as 'Gillete', or as I like to call it, "The Razor".

h.b., thanks for calling out the weirdness of the mask ad. For more humor, click over to the Nike site, where you can read about what the masks 'stand for' and watch videos of the atheletes answering lame questions. Rivera's video has so many edits that he looks like Peter Gabriel in that Sledgehammer video from way back.

That's what I'm talkin' about!

"Mariano brings opponents to their knees with the venomous sting of his nasty cutter. His lethal delivery strikes opponents like a scorpion, taking down the biggest and baddest men in the game with efficiency."

Performance artist, indeed!

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