« Short days, long nights | Main | Ghost of Christmas Past »

Imaginary friends (are overrated)

The Soxaholix await news on Varitek and prepare for a long winter …

Susan/Circle:
Did you have an imaginary friend when you were growing up, Doug?

 

Doug:
What do you mean "When I was growing up?" … Some days now I feel like I exist solely in the minds of others.

 

Susan/Circle:
I know the feeling. But, hey, at least the shrinkers have determined that having a pretend friend is emotionally healthy.

 

Doug:
Oh sure. All is well and good until somebody gets hurt.

 

Susan/Circle:
What are you saying? You had problems with your childhood pretend friend?

 

Doug:
Fuck yeah I did. All was cool until my figmental friend went and got himself an imaginary agent.

 

Susan/Circle:
Oh, no he didn't! For fuck's sake that is wrong on so many levels.

 

Doug:
Tell me about it. I'd had this friend since I was 6, too. But the thing is the imaginary money wasn't the problem, of course. No, the bone of contention was the length of contract. The agent wouldn't negotiate a day less than 4 years.

 

Susan/Circle:
Four years! What he fancied himself a franchise friend or something? No fucking hometown discount?

 

Doug:
No shit. A regular Boras this guy was. So I say to the agent, "Look. I'm 10 fucking years old. In less than 4 years I'm going to hit puberty and I'm not going to need an imaginary friend so much as an imaginary slut to do imaginary things to the very real weewee I'll be holding in my pubescent hand. No way I can give you 4 years of imaginary friendship. I have to think of the future."

 

Susan/Circle:
Right on. Gotta drive a hard bahgain. Not get locked in. So what happened?

 

Doug:
Oh, get this. The imaginary agent of the imaginary friend is all "My client is very versatile. He's a utility friend, and can play many roles." And I'm like "You sick fuck. That's not my dealio."

 

Susan/Circle:
Well, just goes to show, imaginary friendship is a business. Can't let sentiment get the better of you as they say.

 

Doug:
Yep. As it goes, the imaginary friend signed with a kid up the street, Jerome, the guy who brought the net to our street hockey games and had the hot older sister.

 

Susan/Circle:
Whateveh became of Jerome?

 

Doug:
Oh, bad, bad subject. Let's just say Jerome went off to a Catholic Seminary after high school and leave it at that. My moms is still devahstated by it all. When we were teenagers, she'd always plea, "Why can't you be a good boy like Jerome?" But not any more. Not after what happened.

 

Susan/Circle:
Man, truth sure is stranger than fiction.

 

Doug:
I'll say. You can't make shit like this up if you tried.

 

Comments

Did Doug's imaginary friend and his agent make up stories about other kids in the neighborhood to devise an imaginary market for his services?

Or did the rich kid down the street, the one with the mango tree in his yard, start wooing him?

An existential Soxaholic meets Freud meets nocturnal emissions......

Where can I get 'shrooms like this?

Brilliant work!

Good lord, I can't even tell you how freakin' funny this one was...in the absense of any actual Sox news today (unless you wanted to cover the Dave Roberts/Jay Payton deal) you managed to create a Hall of Fame strip...

I am sad about Roberts.

And Cabrera. I don't care what their batting averages were, they were sparkplugs.

Here's hoping Schilling/Wells/Clement/Wake can get them back to the Promised Land

Once again h.b. you have outdone yourself. I think this strip is another reason why you should publish a book full of these things. Keep up the good work.

Double plus good again HB......now get crahckin' on that book- you realize how many of those babies you could have unloaded during this season, the most lucrative retail season of the year?

Hell, I would have bought about ten of th

Thanks for the praise on this one. Another case of me having a hunch it was funny, but also wondering if it was just too "out there." Glad to know it worked.

As for the book, man, there's just no easy way to do that.

The site is designed from such a web-centric perspective that the only way I can think of to get it into a form that could be printed is each cell would need to be screen captured as an image and then reassembled in some app to recreate the strip. That would have to be done for each and every one.

(If you've ever tried to print one of the pages from the site, you get a sense of this. No graphics show up. They are all buried as CSS supplied background images, which makes the site really easy to work with. But makes converting to print a challenge. CSS backgrounds )

It's not impossible, it'd just be a hell of a time sink and would be mind numbingly tedious. Realistically, I don't think I have enough "bloody sock" in me do that and keep new strips coming.

Hence my dilemma.

I could probably outsource the work to India or something. Or maybe a broke grad student would be willing to do it.

Legions of fans in Bangladore enthusiastically cue up for the opportunity to work on the "The Soxaholix: Death to Marty."
I enjoyed today's strip immensely!

The comments to this entry are closed.

The Soxaholix eBook Spinoff

The captivating and long awaited Soxaholix eBook spinoff is finally available!

There's No Crying in Pocket Pool

cover

Purchase at Amazon.

T-shirt

Logo t-shirts now available, several colors, even pink.

'Soxaholix logo t-shirt

Ticket America

Ticketamerica.com has Boston Red Sox and Texas Rangers tickets. Buy Cubs and Cardinals baseball. View Patriots, Ravens and Giants schedules online for Boston.