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Girlfriend in a coma

Susan/Circle:
Appropriately enough, The Globe named Theo Epstein "Bostonian of the Year."

 

Tara:
Bostonian of the Millennium would be even more apropos.

 

Susan/Circle:
And we learn, alas, that he has a girlfriend who is "a critical presence in his life. " Weird way to put it if you ask me.

 

Tara:
Maybe that's the stat head in Theo coming out. You know maybe he's thinking in terms of "emotional win shares" or something.

 

Susan/Circle:
Yeah, whatev. Who knows what their deal's about. Truth is I'm just jealous and looking for reasons to poop in their little love nest.

 

Tara:
Ah, freeing your inner reprobate. But no need for none of us ever had at a chance at getting under the boy wonder. Theo's boo isn't a fan, and he loves that  "they can go weeks at a time without discussing the game."

 

Susan:
How sweet. Now pardon me while I puke in my own mouth.

 

Tara:
Can you imagine the domestic scene? Girlfriend is all, "Honey, how was your day?" And Theo's all, "Awful. I traded one of the most popular players in franchise history and everybody hates me." And then she's like "Oh, poor you. But seriously does this skirt make my butt look big?" You know, all la dee flippin' da and all.

 

Susan:
I loathe the casual fan bitches.

 

Comments

I love him like a brother, but I think Theo is lying out his ass, here. Fuck, my wife is from Virginia and I can't go three days without telling her about the Sox, and he's the friggin' GM and doesn't rap with his girl about the team he runs? Other than that, I thought the Boring Broadsheet had a great article.

I once saw him walking down the aisle at the astros game last year. I said "you're doing a great job Theo" he said, "well, thank you but it's really the players" He's pretty careful with what he says almost like he's a robot or something... I do like the fact that he plays bass in an 80's metal tribute band or some shit and plays tape ball in the Fenway basement, that's refreshing ;)

Theo is the new face of management not only in sports, but industry as well. The passion is for the results, with no room for sentimentality. The results are undeniable; the Sox best moment in their history juxtaposed against the Yanks absolute worst moment. It still gives me wood. Epstein gets a free pass from me for the next few years.

As for his GF, I assume she's good at "money ball"

nyuk nyuk---rimshot

Most of the girls I know DO talk about sports, but even with my best femae friends when I mention the Sox, they just go No. NO. We don't like those kind of people here.

Then again, I live in STL, and the last time I brought up the Sox in conversation with a girl was in early November, a few weeks after The Day Where We All Realized That We Can Die Happy.

h.b., you've captured the female fan attitude perfectly. Bravo. A greater example of male empathy than Memoirs of a Geisha.

I think it's his intangibles that the ladies find so alluring.

The Casual Fan Bitches are they the ones wearing the Pink Hats and Jersey Dressses? Yeah, I thought so. They are loathsome creatures indeed to the hardest diehard "Chicks of RSN"

"A critical presence in his life"?

Top 11 Critical Things Theo's GF Says to Him
11. Aren't there some other hats you can wear besides the one with that funny "B" on them?
10. My previous boyfriend from an Ivy League school has a normal job; he's an investment banker.
9. Well, if you don't want me breaking your precious cell phone, don't leave it lying around.
8. There's all these Bill Jamison books in the bathroom. Be a dear and put them away.
7. Why can't you come visit my relatives in October? Some stupid games?
6. That shirt from October STILL smells like stale champagne. Can't you get rid of it?
5. I thought you were important at the Red Sox; why do you get seats behind that guy with the mask? You have to look at his fat butt the entire game.
4. I tossed out that weird trophy with all the little gold flags. It clashed.
3. Why are they putting up Ks? Doesn't Curt's name start with a "C"?
2. Well, as long as you don't shave your head like in 2003.
1. How was I supposed to know that the voicemail from Billy Beanhead or whatever was important?

The weirdest thing about having a blog or whatevah on the internet is how quickly you realize your readers are every bit as smart, or smarter, than you are.

The comments today were fantastic. The Top 10, rather, Top 11 List was especially funny.

And yes, when Circle said she loathed the "casual fan bitches" she was indeed speaking of the pink hat and jersey dresses crowd, of what I believe Circle has also referred to as "skank-ohs."

Ah casual fan bitches. I hate them! With a passion. Perhaps, and please don't kill me, more than Yankees fans. I am a female die-hard Sox fan. A fourth generation Sox fan. I live and breath Red Sox. (96 days til Opening Day!) I can not stand pink Sox hats. YUCK!!! Why? Those type of girls give the real female fans a bad name. When I see them at Fenway is their heels and skirts, with pink tshirts and hats, I want to beat them down. And I am not a violent person. They are a waste of a good seat. My friends all joke and say that the guy who I marry needs to be breath the Sox, or he won't see me for most of the year.

HB thanks again for for the laughs!

My daughter told me she was thinking about buying a pink Red Sox hat yesterday. I need to send her a link to this strip. Pink Red Sox hats = casual fan bitches. Not allowed. Period.

Amen, Jennifer. Amen.

My sister is a pink hat. I can't believe I have to live with this shit. She went to the game in July where Varitek gloved A-Rod, and she LEFT IN THE EIGHTH INNING. It was a 1-run game at that point, and she left. Before Mueller time. She had field box seats to a Sox - Yankees game in July, and she left. Because they were losing. Or she wanted to do something else. I don't know who needs a smackdown more, my sister, or the fucknut asshole she went with who thought for even the fleetingest of moments that it's ok to leave a Red Sox game, let alone a game possessing these qualities:

1) It was against the Yankees
2) It meant something to the division race
3) It was a 1-run game
4) Varitek started a brawl
5) Did I mention what Billy Mueller did?

I still can't believe it. And she has the noive to wear her pink red sox hat and babydoll T-shirt and celebrate like she's a fan. Trendy bandwagon chicks go to hell, you're making it impossible for real fans to get tickets.

I'm a life long female Sox fan too, and I wouldn't be caught dead in a pink hat or -- wtf is a jersey dress???? Anyway, that being said I think there's way too much animosity over what women wear to games -- really, why do you care? They may come to love the game for life, they may love the game now. Women never support women. Its way more annoying that a teenage girl in a pink hat. Something tells me you guys who are so 'anti fan bitch' love them when they lift their shirts and show their knockers. That's being a hypocrit, by the way.

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