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Petey's Ruby Slippers

After a bout of stomach illness, things return to normal for the Soxaholix …

Doug:
Dude, you still driving the porcelin bus?

 

Rider on Green Line:
Nah, much bettah. On my way in now.

 

Doug:
What happened? Did reading about Cabrera wanting 4-5 years make you blow chunks or what?

 

Rider on Green Line:
Sickness I'm used to. I nevah talk about it — the way I nevah talk about my own face. But sickness is nevah only sickness; it grows, it improves itself, so that at certain points it seems a whole new thing. I was at just such a point.

 

Doug:
Dude, were you huffing on the medi mary jane or what?

 

Rider on Green Line:
He's joking Mr. Ashcroft if you or your henchmen are listening. We all know that stuff is the work of Satan.

 


Rider on Green Line:
He should so fucking take it. Nothing like playing on a last place team to make one feel important, feel needed, feel special.

 

Doug:
No shit. Plus it'd be a marketing bonanza for the Mets. Can't you just see billboards with Petey, Mr. Nelson, and that fucking don't leave your children alone with me because I might touch their wee wee's Mets baseball head mascot all holding hands and skipping like Dorothy and pals in the Wizard of Oz?

 

Author's Notes

The 'sickness' speech is a variation on the original by Joe Wenderoth inLetters to Wendy's.

Comments

Yeah, a lot has changed over at "Kryptonite Stadium" in Flushead, N.Y. They're new "full-autonomy" GM is carrying on their successful track record of pursuing & overpaying for "twilight" talent. Sosa in right and Pedro for 4-to 6 innings every four or five days (if the plane lands in time from the Motherland).
Oh tell me, are AARP cards automatically issued in the last year of these deals?
Hey Omah - you've got an opening at first, as well, why not ring up Billy Buckner?
Too pathetic to be laughable....

While Pedro is probably not the answer for the Mets, I think it would be pretty silly to underrate Petey in this market. He has averaged 200 innings and has a 2.84 ERA over the last three seasons. 2004 was his first season over an ERA of 2.50 since 1998. Losing Pedro would be an enormous blow to the Red Sox.

Petey should meet with the Big Unit and decide how much fun it is being an ace stuck on a train to last place. His diva-like ways are tolerated in Beantown because we already know and love him. The Mets may love the fact that he's tossed more balls at Yankees' heads than all the queens in the East Village combined, his welcome will wear out quickly once the 'tude starts popping.

Da kine, good one, buddy. I think so too. I think Pedro would be a fool to go to the Mets, but if money is all that drives him, let'm go! H.B., so happy to have you back and in good spirits.

Fragile, prima-donna, yackety schmackety...

Pedro pitched 200+ innings this year, and, in his world series start, in a game that was must-win for the Cards and totally droppable for the sox, after a shaky first inning or so, he fuckin' dealt.

Good luck to him if he pitches for anyone but the Yankees, and I hope he's back with the Sox next year.

Pedro could turn out to be another Clemens: man who Sox management (in this case, Theo, who I hope has more of a brain that did Duquette) let go coz they think he's "washed up", but finds a renaissance with another team. Though I think the Clemens thing was out of spite, to make Sox management see what he did the next year and tell them "Hey, I won the Cy Young with Toronto, you should have paid me $30 mil in guaranteed money like the guys up in the Great White North did. And just for fun, I might go and win big for the MFYs on top of that!"

I want to see Pedro come back.

I just don't want to hear all the bullshit that's surrounding it.

look on the bright side at least Petey doesn't have Boras as an agent

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