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Don't go into the white light

Finally the Red Sox vanquish the Orioles (but almost didn't) …

Mike:
Somebody get A.C. Nielsen on the phone and find out how many TVs in New England when Javy Lopez yanked Foulke's hanger over the Wall.

 

Doug:
And while you're at it, call the folks at the Suicide Hotline and find out how many fuckers they had to talk out of pulling a Kavorkian.

 

Mike:
You figure they have to prescreen the counselors at those places to weed out the Sox fans?

 

Doug:
For fuck's sake they'd have to. Can you imagine the call otherwise? [Imitating distraught fan] "I can't take the Red Sox anymore. I'm going to put a shotgun in my mouth." [Imitating deranged counselor] "Well, hurry the fuck up you retahd. The Red Sox will kill ya either way."

 

Mike:
Christ, even Damon says if they didn't find a way to win in the bottom of the 9th after the masterpiece Schilling unveiled, it would have "absolutely crushed" them.

 

Doug:
I don't even want to fucking think about it. I'm still quivering from the near death experience of last night.

 

Mike:
Dude, fucking tell me about it: I saw the white light at the end of the tunnel shit and everything.

 

Doug:
Five fucking more games to go against Baltimore, too.

 

Mike:
Fucking-A … time to open one of the P H EN TER MINE, C1AL1S, V1C0D1N subject line emails I get ten thousand of a day and order some of those strong overseas pain numahs.

 

Doug:
No shit. And get some skuper viakgra while you're at it.

 

Comments

BELLHORN!!

//"I can't take the Red Sox anymore. I'm going to put a shotgun in my mouth." [Imitating deranged counselor] "Well, hurry the fuck up you retahd. The Red Sox will kill ya either way."//

LFMAO.

how do you come up with these things? is this a conversation you actually have had or did you just make it up?

bravo, either way.

How does one propose to Mr. Bellhorn? Seriously. I think I actually saw him smile last night, too. And when he smiles, you know it's a big win.

"how do you come up with these things? is this a conversation you actually have had or did you just make it up?"

Great question. Often the dialog comes from things I overhear others say; sometimes it's from conversations I've been a part of; sometimes it's a recollection of something I've heard from years ago that pops into my brain; and sometimes I just make shit up.

The part you pulled out about the imagined phone conversation is totally made up. The idea just sprang up when I wrote the "check the suicide hotlines" bit. All of a sudden it struck me how funny it'd be if the conselor on the other end was also a diehard and tormented Sox fan.

Now as to JB's question regarding proposing to Bellhorn, I have no answers. But I wish you the best of luck! Can I come to the wedding? I promise I won't get too drunk and make too much of scene.

Did the catonic stare and sway that Inacoma diplayed after Lopez went yard w/2 srikes and 2 gone in the 9th portray that he really knew what just happened? Does the Nielsen meter register a click off when a 1/2 full mug of Bud penetrates the TV viewing screen? Does susequently cooking up
a pound of bacon for BLT's dinner (homegrown tomatoes of course) before bedtime qualify for a call to the suicde hotline? These and many similar do prop up after a game like the one last night from another true soxaholix!

i have much love for b-horn (i'm totally digging the "i just spent a week on the stagecoach" sweaty-stringy look he's sporting to match the rest of the hairy boys) but my friends and i regularly call him "eeyore" because he is the saddest baseball player EVER. we practically have a drinking game centered around whether he cracks a smile or emotes anything after a play (which means that we are fucking parched)

h.b, I apologize. The only people who get invited to my wedding are the ones who will get sloppy drunk and make a scene. :)

The BLT with homegrown tomatoes is a wonderful thing.

Gots to love the brooding Bellhorn. He's like Romeo in the Act 1 of R&J. And maybe one of you ladies is destined to be his Juliet. (Well, without the suicide.)

the suicide is all part of the fun.

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