Finally the Red Sox vanquish the Orioles (but almost didn't) …
Mike:
Somebody get A.C. Nielsen on the phone and find out how many TVs in New England when Javy Lopez yanked Foulke's hanger over the Wall.
Doug:
And while you're at it, call the folks at the Suicide Hotline and find out how many fuckers they had to talk out of pulling a Kavorkian.
Mike:
You figure they have to prescreen the counselors at those places to weed out the Sox fans?
Doug:
For fuck's sake they'd have to. Can you imagine the call otherwise? [Imitating distraught fan] "I can't take the Red Sox anymore. I'm going to put a shotgun in my mouth." [Imitating deranged counselor] "Well, hurry the fuck up you retahd. The Red Sox will kill ya either way."
Mike:
Christ, even Damon says if they didn't find a way to win in the bottom of the 9th after the masterpiece Schilling unveiled, it would have "absolutely crushed" them.
Doug:
I don't even want to fucking think about it. I'm still quivering from the near death experience of last night.
Mike:
Dude, fucking tell me about it: I saw the white light at the end of the tunnel shit and everything.
Doug:
Five fucking more games to go against Baltimore, too.
Mike:
Fucking-A … time to open one of the P H EN TER MINE, C1AL1S, V1C0D1N subject line emails I get ten thousand of a day and order some of those strong overseas pain numahs.
Doug:
No shit. And get some skuper viakgra while you're at it.
