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Slagged and sullen and sun-glazed

It's an ugly start to the second half, ugly …

Bill:
So let me get this straight. With every pitcher rested, you start the first fucking game after the All Star with your worst guy?

 

Mike:
Terry Franconia Crotch says, "Every inning he was averaging about 25 pitches, which makes it tough going right from the get-go" … Well, no fucking shit, Dick Tracy.

 

Bill:
95 pitches in four innings and only 58 for strikes?! And last night's game wasn't a one off, no random fucking anomaly.

 

Mike:
Abso-fucking-lutely, last night was just Lowe being Lowe … nights with glass edges and the impossible stink of river moss — worse than shit.

 

Bill:
Note to the fucking guy who's not a manager but plays one on TV: What fucking Derek Lowe have you been watching all craptastic season? For the love of God, why did you lead off the second half with the stinkerballer? So much for momentum. Where's the boy genius Theo in all this?

 

Mike:
Checkerboard days of moves and countermoves, fagged interest, with as much sense in defeat as in victory; slow days like mules humping it slagged and sullen and sun-glazed …

 

Bill:
Lowe is so fucking done he's beyond toast. He is vaporized carbon matter.

 

Mike:
Waking up to an 8-1 defeat on the other side of the continent, three geraniums outside a window, trying to be red and trying to be pink and trying to be geraniums, no wonder sometimes the women cry …

 

Bill:
And the men, too. Mules up a long hopeless Red Sox hill. Is it football season yet?

 

Author's Notes
Mike's final three speeches are all bits from a Bukowski poem entitled "something for the touts, the nuns, the grocery clerks and you … " from the collection Burning in Water Drowning in Flame.

Comments

This site is the most brilliantly written piece of an honest look into Red Sox hell. Larry Losechinno and Theo Inepstein can push their face painting and ballon twisting concourse carnival surrounding their park crap on us for 82 games, but real fans know this team sucks. Bottom line, they suck. We keep expecting something good to happen to no avail. The Red Sox try to build a team with laughable free agent signings and fill the holes with farm hands. How many teams win World Series doing that? It's supposed to be done the opposite way. The NY skankee's do it right, hence our passionate hatred for them and their winning ways. Now I need to go hold up a drug store for some OC's.

Once again Derek performs b-Lowe expectations. Once again, he pitched like shit--and it's not because he's a mental midget--it's because he just fucking sucks.

Lowe sucked goat scrote - no doubt - but the hitting wasn't there, either. Perhaps with advances in cloning technology we can create an entire team of Damons, Mannys, and Ortizzles, tweaked to play the different positions, but retaining the outstanding hitting skillz.

derek lowe needs our love and support. let us all pray for him tomorrow.

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