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How long you been a Yankees fan?

It's ugly, very ugly … Red Sox embarrassed by the Yankees 11-3 in the Bronx …

Bill:
Ah, now I can officially and publicly panic

 

Doug:
There is something to be fucking said for that, yes, a sweet release in owning up to the reality: They have the look of a beaten team.

 

Bill:
Dare I ask what it was like to experience Ding Dong another homer Lowe and Gone-see-ya-parra first hand in New York? [Laughs]

 

Doug:
Ah, fuck. I forgot how much I hate that mofo Whorehouse that Ruth Built. Who the fuck paints the inside of their park blue? Blue walls, blue seats covered with blue boogers … it's madness.

 

 

Doug:
That reminds me. I'm standing in line for a fucking hot dog and there's this older guy in front of me decked out in Spankee gear and he's a talkative old prick, all making small talk and shit …

 

Bill:
Oh, no, here we go … [Laughs]

 

Doug:
Yeah, this is the fucking guy Sartre had in mind when he said "Hell is other people" … this guy's all, "You'd think they had to grow the hotdogs, ha ha ha"

 

Bill:
A regular fucking Jerry Seinfeld, eh? [Laughs]

 

Doug:
Fuck you know how I hate small talk and shit, let alone flapping the gums with a mofo Yankees fan … Anyway, the guy's like "I've been a Yankees fan ever since my dad first took me here to see Mickey Mantle" or some shit and he's all "What about you?"

 

Bill:
Assuming you're one of them.

 

Doug:
Fuck yeah, like we're all buddies and shit … So I reply, a bit too loudly, "I've been a Yankees fan ever since Daddy first fucked me." The man seemed angry. He turned away. [Laughs]

 

Bill:
[Laughs raucously] Shut him right the fuck up, eh?

 

Doug:
[Laughs] Yeah, it's as though we were on the same field, playing different games.

 

Author's Notes
Doug's "Daddy" speech is inspired by the Feb. 25, 1997 entry in Letters to Wendy's by Joe Wenderoth.

Comments

Thanks for a much-needed laugh.

This is the first place I go to relish a big win, or to feel better after a big loss.

It's therapy, and it keeps me from starting my own blog ...
... God knows we need another on of those.

Kudos to you Hart.

It still sucks being a Red Sox fan today. Almost makes me want to start eating McDonalds for all three meals a day until the Sox start winning. It's a win-win. If they start winning, I live to see it. If they keep losing, I have a coronary and am out of my misery!

Back to work now ...

I hate my life... please end this season

This is a rotten season so far; but sometimes, I like my fruit a little over ripe. This all just may work out.

I went to last night's abomination. I passed on tickets for this evening's travesty.

I think I'm finally getting smart.

The sad thing is, there's a Spankee fan like the guy mentioned in this strip waiting in every food line at the Toilet. I may have to use that line if I ever choose to walk in there again.

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