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People Like a Stench

The Red Sox sweep the Yankees for the first time since '99 …

Bill:
Didya know that was the first time the Red Sox have taken six of their first seven from the Spankees since 1913?

 

Doug:
Not that you're into living in the past or anything. [Laughs].

 


Doug:
Well, there is the bit about how we collectively have higher SAT scores … and are better looking … and, more importantly, we don't give false hopes to poor fucks on crutches like Belth does. [Laughs]

 

Bill:
Man, the Yankees sure didn't look like The Yankees, looking slow, old and emotionally distant. They stunk up the House that Ruth built.

 

Doug:
Yankees management should set up a special stench area. People like stench and Yankees fans are no different. Their initial reaction -- pained withdrawal -- is always quickly followed by cautious fascination …

 

Bill:
[Thoughtfully] Oh, you're so right. I saw that look on Matsui's face yesterday. Like he'd whiffed some bad mofo sushi when that ball dropped fair and bounced into the stands.

 

Doug:
[In earnest] Exactly. A stench is a stink that has found a way to entrench itself. It is a metaphor: abstraction digs in to a real body and decomposes it to the point of presence. People like a stench because it mimics their own truest moments.

 

Bill:
[Sings the Lynyrd Skynyrd lyric] Ooh, ooh that smell. Can't you smell that smell? [Laughs] C'mon Michele, sing along with me!

 

Doug:
Whoa! Nice cleavage. Michele is now part of my spanky lineup. [Laughs maniacally.]

 

Bill:
Didn't I fucking tell you she's way hotter than Wonkette?

 

Author's Notes:
Doug's "stench" speech from Letters to Wendy's, letter dated May 25, 1997.

Comments

Damn, I just may have to start liking you now.

That line about Belth was low. But funny.

"Spanky lineup" - at first I laughed. Then I dwelled on it. Then I got disturbed.

Keep up the good work!

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